I’m so so upset about this!

[Penny4thoughts1]

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

She has tried to help you by paying you for babysitting, I would do that for free for my sister yabvvu

Please explain why you believe you should 'enjoy a good Christmas' when you actually can't afford to pay for it yourself?

Why aren't you planning on having a very simple and frugal Christmas in order to start the New Year on a better financial footing?(and not owing several hundred quid to your sister FFS).

I would give my friends/family the shirt off my back if I could see they were genuinely doing everything possible to improve their shoddy finances. But sounds like you're just expecting a handout with a very vague intention to pay it back (why, why, why do you want to accrue even more debt?).

but No sympathy for the sister, even knowing how the op treats her? Going through her private stuff, reading letters etc?

I think implying that the sister is ‘pleading poverty’ is rather heartless, actually. She’s been put in the unenviable position of having to give a refusal for which OP is clearly now criticising her. She’s been subjected to an invasion of her privacy, and aspersions about how she spends her own money. I too have expressed sympathy with the OP. Several times. It’s not nice to struggle financially. But I’m afraid I don’t agree that she has any right to feel ‘stung’ by her sister’s response.

Exactly this

Then you should maybe loan her 500 quid, so she can have a “good Christmas.”

She doesn't have to lend you money.

Just because thet have nice stuff they aren't your bank.

Re: 3)

Working for Mumsnet I suspect.

Dont we?

'We can't afford to lend' is a kind version of 'we don't want to lend'.
And perhaps they have a shedload of debt and can't produce a lump of cash for you.
Either way, they are not obliged to lend you money. Hope you manage to arrange a nice Christmas anyway.

Borrowing or lending money never ends well
cut your cloth to suit

One of my siblings has bought a car this year so I might ask for a "loan" of fifty grand to let me have a really good Christmas. I mean, there's not a chance in hell they'll be able to afford it but they're family so they should find a way.

OP you couldn't repay a loan of £500 - if you could then you would have saved that amount up yourself!

So really you are expecting a hand-out. I don't know why you think siblings should subsidise poorer ones. You cut your cloth to fit, not look to others.

I won't be spending anything like £500. You could have a perfectly lovely Christmas for £100 all in, and even less.

To be fair to OP, there is no reason why family should babysit for free. Sister is totally within her rights not to lend OP money (which she would probably not see again!) and OP is a CF, but I don't think that accepting money for babysitting is being a CF.

Agree. I wouldn’t ever expect a family member to be paid for babysitting other than teenagers

Your sense of entitlement and bitterness is gross.

want more money earn more money.

don’t expect your sister to fund it.

she can do what she likes with her own money.

Surely that depends on the relationship? As I said earlier, I'm not defending OP at all and I think she is very entitled, but it also could be considered entitled to expect family to babysit for free, so I don't think OP did anything wrong in accepting money. She was, however, grossly wrong to spy and snoop and to be angry with her sister.

I agree, you’d pay teens but not anyone else, as the op says,family are supposed to help. But then family shouldn’t be going through your drawers, snooping and reading your private mail, and going through your bathroom cabinets and googling how much your shampoo costs either.

You absolutely could do ad hoc cash in hand babysitting...
Because you already do it. Just do more of it for more people.

You dont have a right to your sisters money...

Yes but it's her choice

She isn't forced to help you just because you asked. It does t matter what her lifestyle is like.

She didn't want to help you for whatever reason.

You are definitely getting way too upset about this.

Seriously you're putting way too much emphasis on this one interaction with your sister.

If the is your only sibling it makes sense.

If you have more siblings you would realise in the grand scheme of things this is nothing.

Quite frankly, those who go into ridiculous debt in order to give their kids a "good Christmas", driving consumerism and adding to landfill are just a bit thick. There is nothing wrong with taking a rain check on Christmas until later next year, or forgoing it altogether if they are young enough to not really understand what Christmas is. This will not damage them in the long run.

Did you have a bath op as you wanted to use her toiletries? Treating it like a spa break you got paid for ? Sitting googling how much her stuff cost? Did any part of you feel bad as you rifled though her drawers, reading her mail in depth? Eyeing up her home and possessions enviously and seeing what she had, and thinking how as her “onky sister” she should be giving to you so you could have similar?

how much money did you take off her to do this?

Her money,up to her what she does with it.

Why are you digging through her things? Googling her shampoo is nuts. Why should she not afford her shampoo to help you? I cant think of a reason to be lighting candles in her home in the morning.. you were just snooping. You also found paperwork and decided to read it? She was also likely already committed to this car purchase.

You asked for a loan and she said she didnt have it spare. £500 is a lot of money, and hers is budgeted for, just because its a bigger budget that yours doesn't mean its not a budget. She doesnt owe you a favour, and it seemed like you were looking for reasons to be bitter. Its awful youre struggling, but it isnt her fault she isnt and she deserves your happiness for her.

Oh, stop. Please. It's Christmas. Can't we be kind to each other just for a few days?