I’m so so upset about this!

[Penny4thoughts1]

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

Not really much of a fabrication, OP has been struggling financially for 5 years, has failed to save for an event that happens every single year and now wants to borrow a large amount of money. What’s magically changing in January that means OP will have a spare £500 to pay back her sister? It’s clearly a risk to lend that money to her.

Im sorry you are going through a hard time but I have expensive toiletries and holidays booked etc, but I in no way would just have £500 to give you. I save for those holidays and I buy stuff on Vinted etc and my money is planned out months in advance.
And honestly, if you said to me, im broke, could you lend me 74 quid, 24 for a tree, 20 for craft stuff so me and the kids could make decorations and 30 because one of the kids has their heart set on a specific thing, id totally get it and would try and sell something or scrape stuff together to help, but if you asked me for just 500 quid I'd be like... do you have a list of stuff you need and it comes to exactly £500 or are you wanting 500 which you will then try to get the most out of, in which case lets talk, maybe I have decorations I can share, maybe ive got loyalty points we can use for food and toys, maybe I can help you search for stuff on Vinted or Ebay. Id be worried about you panicking and spending the full 500 because its there, and then having that hang over your head as a loan, rather than working together to see if you only need 280 to make christmas work.

Is this the new mindset? I guess it was mirrored in the budget. You have stuff you’ve worked for….give it to me!

Personally I think YABU and shouldn't say anything. She probably didn't have it because of the expense of the new car. FWIW I do sympathise with you, Christmas is a bloody hard time when funds are tight, but your sis's finances are her own business and it's not likely to go over well if you say anything about this.

That's a really pathetic thing to say.

@LaurieFairyCake - sadly I can believe it. SIL1 has regularly tapped up DH for money at Christmas to buy presents for her dc (grown up now). I also know that she has bitched dh and me up for being extravagant, capitalist bastards. She's 63, and has never had a proper job and neither has her partner since he was about 30.

DH is nicer than me and sends it to her and doesn't expect repayment.

I 'd like to know why the op is skint.

You’re charging your own sister for babysitting. And you also want her to pay for your whole Christmas.
You’re a pain in the arse sister. I have one of those- grasping and entitled rather than self sufficient. We no longer communicate

Should I say anything!

What would you say? Most people wouldn't want to give £500 away, to be asked is awkward.
If you pressure her or demand she makes excuses it'll be even more awkward and likely end your relationship with her.

You managed without, so you didn't really need that 500 quid. It's a bad idea to try to live beyond your means, even at Christmas.

This

plus why do you need £500 for Xmas

if you are struggling don’t get yourself into debt for one day

how would you pay £500 back ?

They spent it all on cars and shampoo. So no they don't have £500 to spare to lend you.

Just accept it and move on.

You need to learn to budget and put money to 9ne side for things like christmas not rely on you sister.

You are already being cheeky expecting to be paid to babysit

So you’re having a bath in your sisters home and using her products. And charging her money for the time you’re doing this. And this isn’t shameful?

but you’re aggrieved that she is not also funding your entire Christmas.

OP, they’re buying a new car, so they’ve probably accounted for all their spare cash. Your DS also knows you are short of money, so in all probability she would feel bad about asking for it back, and she can’t afford to gift you £500. For all you know, the shampoo might have been presents - I buy one of my DD’s (ridiculously) expensive shampoo for Christmas because she doesn’t want much and I know she likes it. I’m sorry, OP, but your DS has behaved perfectly reasonably. Just don’t ask for money, not least because if you’re short, you’ll just be putting yourself in a worse place by having to pay it back.

For all you know she got the shampoo at a good price on Black Friday or other sale and stocked up because she doesn't have a lot of spare cash. I do this with Boucleme products because my hair is so much better with them but I can't really afford them at their usual price on a regular basis
And did you expect her to delay buying the car to give you that 500 euros?
She is in a relationship and do you know how they manage their finances or discretionary spending? She may not have 500 sitting there to give you and your BIL may not want to get into lending you money
Many people won't lend money to family and friends because of the damage it causes to the relationship when trying to get the loan repaid, it doesn't make them bad people.
It's completely understandable that you are envious of their set-up, you are only human, but don't let that damage your relationship with your sister

You don’t know their finances. They may have agreed to this car before you asked so needed that cash.
And so what if they have expensive shampoo. It’s none of your business. She doesn’t HAVE to help you out.

Don’t make assumptions based on what you see in people’s houses, it really tells you nothing about the persons life.

YABU. She doesn’t have to lend you money. If it’s been five years and you’ve made no attempt to make things better I can see why she’d be reluctant to lend you anything. You’d not be able to pay it back.

£500 was a lot to ask for. Yes they probably do have £500 but they don’t want to just give it away. Did you really need £500 for Christmas? It really doesn’t need to cost that much.

Don’t you just hope it gets crazier, though?!

(I’m putting off doing a tedious chore.)

' she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister'

but you weren't asking to ' share' £500 you wanted the whole £500 until a later date when you could afford to pay it back.

and when would that have been ?
' after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off.'

You have known since 26th December 2024 that Christmas 2025 would be on December 25th 2025.

Your sister was actually paying you for babysitting ! does she usually pay you for babysitting ?

Stop asking her for her money. She said no.

You googled their shampoo and looked in their drawers?

Ha me too. So much i
should be doing at home but everything is a distraction

Yabu. It’s up to her if she lends you money and what she spends her actual money on. It’s nothing to do with you and it was a no.

People with money don't have to lend money to people without money.
I'm skint, minimum wage, council flat. I use Park Xmas savings to pay for Christmas and I get bits through the year.
My siblings have nice houses and savings and they spend their money on fancier things than I do. They do more at Christmas.
And that's perfectly normal and ok.

Life isn't fair and parts of it suck balls. That's just the way it is. Do what you can with what you've got and get over it. I'm not being cruel- I get it. But that's all you can do.