I’m so so upset about this!

[Penny4thoughts1]

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

I am sorry that you are short of money, however, it isn't your sister's duty to have to lend you money. It doesn't matter what she has spent her money on, she has earned that and chosen to spend it on what she likes.

I would never lend money to family, as if its not paid back, it causes huge problems.

People are advised on here so many times, " just tell them that you don't have it".

She pays you for babysitting, so she does help.

Otherwise, you are not entitled to her money

Can you get a second job?

Nobody, not even family has to lend you money if they don't want to.

Yes it would have been nice but it's their perogative. Don't be grabby and fall out with your sister over this!

She was getting paid for babysitting. It wasn't a sisterly gesture of looking after the DC while they went out.

It’s none of your business what she’s spends her money on and she doesn’t have to give you money.

if my sister asked to borrow £500 I wouldn’t have it to lend to her. But I would have £500
buy groceries
buy clothes for my children
buy things for Christmas.

maybe you’d be better off looking at your money management.

Well given the OP is being paid for the babysitting that would be cutting her own nose off really. Maybe a different baby-sitters wouldn't go snooping through the house though

TBH I can't quite get past the fact you googled the price of her toiletries.

You are an entitled cheeky fucker. I would not lend you money either and i never lend money to family or friends- always a bad idea as it only breeds resentment at best.

Not having £500 to give/lend you is not the same as not having £500. Googling the price of her toiletries and reading her paperwork is not on.

I agree, that isn't sisterly behaviour.

You've said yourself you've made do so it wasn't an emergency. Your sister may feel she's done you a service by not loaning you money for Christmas presents.

It is her money so you can't really say anything, but if you were my sister I would have lent you the money to be honest.

Christmas happens every year so why have you jot budgeted for this throughout the year? You should not expect anyone else to fund it for you because you have not prepared.

The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

As a PP pointed out, using the word "share" in that last paragraph has me joining the pile-on here that you are being Very Unreasonable, OP.

You asked. She said no. It's not for you to question her decision further, it's a Yes or No question and she's said No. I'd also query how you arrived at that figure - you could have asked for a loan of £100, £200 - but a flat-out £500 seems excessive to help you through a few days of Christmas.

It’s there money they earned for there family I know it’s hard but I never lend money I can’t afford not to have back, they have already committed to the car it’s expensive and maybe they are tightening the spending afterwards. Or they could have saved for the house and car for years and suddenly daunted by how much money they have spent. It’s hard when your struggling but try to do nice things like board games evenings with kids and Xmas movie nights. Comparing your situation to others is not beneficial to you it makes you resentful and upset.

Is it just me who would never dream of asking anyone to lend me money?

Even asking is the height of cheap.

You have.a bloody nerve even asking let alone being pissed off because of her brand of toiletries.

Agree with most of the posters on this thread. I had a strained relationship with my sister (she was the golden child) and often got me into trouble. She asked me to lend her money once. Yes, I could have afforded it but I said no I didnt have it to spare. I suspect she would never have paid me back. I told her to ask our parents who had always financed her.

When I moved into my first home I asked my grandmother to lend me money. I had it all set out on paper what the money was for and how much I intended to pay her back each month out of my salary. She offered it to me as a gift but I refused. When it came to repaying the loan I overpaid as much as I could each month just to get it over with. I always felt under an obligation while there was money outstanding and I didnt want it to ruin the relationship.

Your sister said no. You either respect her right to say that or you don't. What you can't do is decide you'll respect it on condition she meets your criteria for reasonable. You have massively betrayed her trust snooping in her home, reading her private correspondence and so on, and don't really deserve her help due to this behaviour.

Probably because she knows she'll never see it again if you've had money issues for five years already. It's hardly a short term issue.

You've never been desperate then, which is a blessing.

Bloody hell so what she didn't want to lend you the money she wasn't obligated to you sound very self entitled just because your friend is in a better position then you

This is a wind up post surely??

OP, if you are for real, why didn’t you start putting a little money away for Christmas, sooner?? All you needed to do, was drop a couple of items in your trolley each week and it will soon have mounted up.

So, let me see, you ask should you say anything.
How would that go, if we said yes go for it.

So, sis, you know the way I asked for 500 quid and you said no? Well, I googled the price of your shampoo AND I found a docket for a new car and you clearly have enough to lend it to me.

Do you think it would end with " omg you are so right, ill send u the cash right now, im such a bitch" or do you think it might end with " are you having a fucking laugh, dont ever call me again, and as for being in my house with my kids unsupervised, thats never happening again"

Which do you think you might get?
Do let us know.

My 1st reaction was why are you wanting to borrow £500 for Xmas? If you have to borrow then you can’t afford it! Xmas can be done on the cheap. Don’t get sucked into all the commercialises!!

Please don’t say anything op.
How your dsis spends her money is down to her.
She’s paying you to babysit, that’s above what most families do, most do favours like babysitting for nothing, so she’s already being generous.
It is rubbish being broke but that is your issue not your DSis’s

Kindly, OP, often people won't lend to family because they don't believe they can afford to pay it back. Which is absolutely fair enough.