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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m so so upset about this!

283 replies

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 10:39

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

OP posts:
C152 · 07/12/2025 11:47

Well, she didn't have the money, as it was either already spent or committed to other things.

AliCatWalk · 07/12/2025 11:49

🤔

BadgernTheGarden · 07/12/2025 11:50

Well you were snooping and looking up things they bought to see how much they cost. I wouldn't want to lend money to family it gets so awkward asking for it back. If I had it I might give it to you but not lend it. And a bit odd having a bath when you are being paid to baby sit.

Itiswhysofew · 07/12/2025 11:50

It seems, for some reason, she doesn't want to lend money to you and maybe anyone else, and you'll have to respect and accept that. I've lent, (given), money to my DS over the years and I'd do it again, but not everyone is like that.

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 07/12/2025 11:52

Gently @Penny4thoughts1 - but you are not her responsibility.
And yes I do understand, my DB is a millionaire several times over due to his career. He has looked after our parents superbly but I have never asked for a penny, even when I was on the bones of my arse, because Im not his responsibility.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 07/12/2025 11:53

They didn’t have money spare to give you. Stop being so entitled. It’s not your business how they choose to spend their cash.

outerspacepotato · 07/12/2025 11:53

You aren't entitled to her or her family's money. They are entitled to spend their money on nice shampoos rather than loan it out.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

thecalmsea · 07/12/2025 11:54

The shampoo I use probably costs £25 a bottle if you buy it in the shops. I bulk buy every couple of years from eBay and it works out at about £6 per bottle. Even if she is paying £25, so what? Maybe she doesn't waste money on alcohol, cigarettes, excessive amounts of makeup, pets etc like many people do. Or maybe she does and can afford it! None of your business though.

CheeseyOnionPie · 07/12/2025 11:54

Sorry OP, it’s hard to hear but she didn’t want to lend you the money. It may be earmarked for something else - finding £25k to pay for a car isn’t a small thing - and just because the things her money is earmarked for are expensive luxury things it doesn’t make them any less a commitment she needs to fund.

lifeonmars100 · 07/12/2025 11:54

snooping is horrible, have a think about how you would feel if someone did that to you

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 11:55

She doesn't want to lend you money. You should feel embarrassed about having asked TBH, never ask her again.

LadyFriend · 07/12/2025 11:55

The fact that you think you need £500 for Christmas speaks volumes.

Even if you have 4 DC a budget of £50 max is more than enough. Then a bit of extra food £50 - £100?

Maybe the products were a present. Her DH might be buying the car. You don’t know this.

It looks like you feel she should just share her money with you as she earns more. This isn’t how life works.

Oh and did she say you could have a bath at her house? I also find this a strange thing to do actually.

Bambamhoohoo · 07/12/2025 11:58

I know it’s well beyond the realms of your finances but £25k is a very cheap new car.

I know it’s stressful when you’re so short of money and feel desperate but you know she doesn’t have to lend you money. Just act normal, take their baby sitting money and go home and wallow for a bit. Nooone would blame you

Sideorderofchips · 07/12/2025 11:58

Suspect this is rage bait and op may not be back

But if you are reading then your sister owes you nothing

Lex345 · 07/12/2025 11:59

PPs are right OP-your sister has no obligation to lend you money (and personally, I would gift it to a family member rather than lending if I was asked and had it to spare because I would hate repayment to damage the relationship)

I get it is really hard when you are struggling and others appear to have more than enough. You have said that you have made do though-and I bet you will have a lovely Christmas AND won't have wasted £500 you don't have.

I love Christmas and spend my fair share, but there have been a few years where I have had to cut right back because of finances.

Maybe put away what you would have given your sister in repayments into a completely new savings pot for next year :)

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 12:00

I would think the money was already earmarked for the car. The shampoo’s neither here nor there. I probably would have been upset if I’d seen purchases they’d just made of a dozen bottles of Dom Perignon but you don’t really know their finances. I know it’s stressful when Christmas comes and there’s little money (I’m feeling it myself).

If this is real of course.

reallyffspeople · 07/12/2025 12:01

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 12:00

I would think the money was already earmarked for the car. The shampoo’s neither here nor there. I probably would have been upset if I’d seen purchases they’d just made of a dozen bottles of Dom Perignon but you don’t really know their finances. I know it’s stressful when Christmas comes and there’s little money (I’m feeling it myself).

If this is real of course.

£25 for shampoo isn’t even really that much if you’re going a step beyond what is sold in boots or Superdrug

ItsameLuigi · 07/12/2025 12:01

Im a single parent on a low income, my sister earns around70k. I don't ask her for any money, ever. Occasionally I ask her to order me something on prime because I don't pay for a subscription and she does, she won't accept the money from me though. She isn't a walking bank. She is very generous with gifting and has a huge heart and donates to charities. I don't view her as an ATM I view her as my big sister who I love and am so proud of. Change your mindset.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/12/2025 12:02

You charge her to mind your neices and nephews? And run a bath for youself? Paid childminders don't take liberties like this, that's what you were. You sound like a terrible sister, you'd be getting nothing from me.

Frazzledmummy123 · 07/12/2025 12:02

Yabu because your sister can do what she wants with her money, and just because she has spent all that money doesn't mean she had it on her to lend you £50 at the time you asked.

I can kind of understand why you might feel a bit out out that she couldn't help you when she appears to be well off, however she might have needed that money for other things and she has Christmas coming up too. Presumably, you wouldn't be paying her back until after Christmas so I'm guessing she didn't want to be £50 down so near to Christmas.

Poppins2016 · 07/12/2025 12:04

If someone asked me to lend them £500 right now I'd say no even though I technically have it, as I'm about to buy a new car (our family car has just "died").

...and even though I'll have more than £500 spare afterwards, I can't afford not to have it in my account in case of unforeseen emergencies (and more pertinently, can't afford not to get it back, which is always a risk when lending). DHs car is likely to need some expensive repairs soon, plus our dishwasher is on its last legs. I don't have someone I can ask for emergency money, so I rely on having my own emergency fund (and I wont be dipping into it for Christmas, which will be on a tight/low budget this year due to the new car).

You don't know the details of other people finances/plans.

You also don't know who is financing the new car - it might be your sisters DH or even work.

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 12:05

LadyFriend · 07/12/2025 11:55

The fact that you think you need £500 for Christmas speaks volumes.

Even if you have 4 DC a budget of £50 max is more than enough. Then a bit of extra food £50 - £100?

Maybe the products were a present. Her DH might be buying the car. You don’t know this.

It looks like you feel she should just share her money with you as she earns more. This isn’t how life works.

Oh and did she say you could have a bath at her house? I also find this a strange thing to do actually.

My two kids (young adult) are getting £50 max budget each this year. I just can’t afford more and don’t want to face New Year with Christmas debt. Any Christmas type foods that weren't really eaten last year are not being bought this year (no mince pies, no Christmas fruit cake etc). It’s going to be very slimmed down this year.

I wouldn’t recommend lighting a candle in someone else’s house either, they are too easily forgotten.

Yes, having a bath when you’re only babysitting for the evening is very weird.

Ilovesshopping · 07/12/2025 12:07

If you were asking for help with food and energy bills then I’d say yanbu , but Christmas presents aren’t essential- nice to have and no one wants to see children go without, but not worth getting into debt over.
We don’t buy any Christmas presents for anyone other than our own dc and parents and haven’t done for several years now. The extended family and friends didn’t agree at first, but have now excepted it, and we obviously don’t expect anything from them.
Everyone gets a birthday present/ money but we just cannot afford to spend a huge amount in one go.

Shedeboodinia · 07/12/2025 12:07

But it's not your sister alone who is ordering the car or household products. It would have come out of family money.
You don't know if she has bought the shampoo on her credit card. You don't know if it was a gift.
The car is an expense but obviously needed and the deposit would have been a hefty chunk of their budget.
You don't know how she is funding her lifestyle it could all be on credit for all you know. Plus her husband has a say in family finances too.
Not many people could afford 500 quid which quite possibly might not be paid back in time and in full. Despite having outwardly plentiful lives, most people do not have spare cash sitting around doing nothing. Its usually allocated and budgeted.

TheMorgenmuffel · 07/12/2025 12:08

no you should not say anything.
She doesn't have to lend you anything and what would you say anyway? List all her stuff and complain that she bought that instead of giving you money?

Don't get me wrong, I think she ought to help. I would never see my sister short, even if I had little, I'd split what I had. And my sister would do the same for me.

But nobody is obligated to help anyone.

You are also not obligated to help her out again with babysitting.