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Original poster

DD boyfriend mum brought my DD the gift she wanted

193 replies

orangesnapples · 07/12/2025 09:15

I'm probably am being unreasonable. But my Dd is gone up ( late 20s) and recently told me the only thing she really wanted for Christmas was a certain perfume set. When telling me, her boyfriend chimed in that it's really expensive and we probably couldn't afford it. Straight away I said, excuse me! You don't know what we can and can't afford and that it was absolutely fine, we would be happy to get this. For the record we always spend a couple of hundred each on our kid as I live Christmas and live to spoil all my kids and gift them things they love. The gifting is really important to me. I get so excited for the Christmas morning.
Anyway this week I double check that I have the right perfume set written down.
Last night I get a text from her boyfriend to say that his mum has brought the perfume set and I can get her something else. And it's really miffed me off.
I don't want to get her something she doesn't really want. I know it was kind of his mum to get her something so thoughtful but she asked me for it and now I feel like I'm going to give her something she doesn't really want or will use.
It's just made me a bit fed up and taken the wind out my sails, but I don't know if I should give my head a wobble. She's fairly successful so tends to buy her self stuff she really wants.

OP posts:
HandsFaceTeeth · 07/12/2025 09:17

Surely your DD has more then one thing she would like?

PInkyStarfish · 07/12/2025 09:20

Gift giving isn’t a competition. How kind of her boyfriends parents to buy her a gift she will like.

It was probably going to be difficult for them to know what to get her as they don’t know her as well as you do.

Now you have the opportunity to get her something that you know she will like

Drop the competitiveness and potential jealousy with his family as it will sour the relationship with your daughter.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 07/12/2025 09:20

I totally get how you feel but ask him for other ideas, there will be other things she wants. Or buy a treat for her if there no ‘thing’ you can think of - afternoon tea somewhere nice or whatever sort of thing she likes.

It is lovely your DD is being treated so well by her boyfriend’s family.

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 09:21

Well the boyfriend deserves a Lynx deodorant set as his present.

I think go back to your Dd and ask what other things she would truly love.. and then on Christmas Day tell her what happened.

Unless she will open your present first, at your house? In which case go right ahead…

OR I would say to Bf “oh no! But you knew I was getting the perfume. Hopefully your Mum can return the set she bought?”

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

4forksache · 07/12/2025 09:25

Yes you are being a bit unreasonable. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. She will get something she really wants and something else nice too. Try not to get in the way of the boyfriend/his families relationship with dd. It won’t end well.

Fallulah · 07/12/2025 09:25

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

I too would do this.

Grumpynan · 07/12/2025 09:26

Sorry that would piss me off to, the fact that he told you not checked you hadn’t bought it and just told you !

I would message back and say sorry Tim I’ve already got that for her, not to let for your mum to change it for something else. maybe in future we should run gift ideas by each other before buying.

but then you run the risk that he will make sure DD gets the gift before you give her yours.

im quietly seething here for you tbh

B1anche · 07/12/2025 09:27

Fallulah · 07/12/2025 09:25

I too would do this.

Show quote history

Don't do this. Unless you want everyone to think you're being really petty.

It would annoy me too, but there must be something else your daughter would like. I would ask her directly and tell her your budget. Try to forget about the other gift.

helpfulperson · 07/12/2025 09:29

are you sure the BF meant you couldn't afford it, did he think she was asking him to buy it?

CraftyPlayer · 07/12/2025 09:29

Sounds like he’s done it deliberately in a competitive kind of way. If she’ll open yours first then I’d let her still have it.

Poppingby · 07/12/2025 09:29

I think his mum had probably already bought it when he said it was too expensive. I wouldn't allow yourself to get too upset as she is unaware and he is just trying to avoid awkwardness, even if clumsily.

PollyBell · 07/12/2025 09:31

PInkyStarfish · 07/12/2025 09:20

Gift giving isn’t a competition. How kind of her boyfriends parents to buy her a gift she will like.

It was probably going to be difficult for them to know what to get her as they don’t know her as well as you do.

Now you have the opportunity to get her something that you know she will like

Drop the competitiveness and potential jealousy with his family as it will sour the relationship with your daughter.

This if you have a child of this age you must be of adult age yourself so try acting like it

Yes there will immature replies but do you what you think is right not popular

AppropriateAdult · 07/12/2025 09:32

Was it not the case that his mum had already bought it for her by the time you had the conversation with your daughter, which is why he panicked and came up with the rather silly “It’s really expensive, you probably couldn’t afford it” excuse? I don’t think anyone is behaving terribly here, it’s just crossed wires. Since you haven’t actually bought the set yet I’d just get her something else lovely that she won’t be expecting.

ExtraOnions · 07/12/2025 09:32

Just her something else. With the money that it cost get a nice bit of jewellery, last longer.

XiCi · 07/12/2025 09:33

The fact that he was trying to put you off buying it as soon as it was mentioned (saying it was too expensive) makes me wonder whether he knew his mum had already bought it. In any case I think it's spectacularly rude for him and his mum to overstep like this knowing it's the one thing she wants and that you were buying it. 100% I would message back and tell him that your dd asked you to buy it and it's already bought. Happy to provide some ideas for his mum if she needs them but she'll have to return.

Whoevenarethey · 07/12/2025 09:33

I think the boyfriend saying you couldn't afford it was actually just a way of trying to drop a hint that it had already been bought.
The issue is if that is the only thing that she has mentioned then it is likely that everyone will want to buy it. Even my own young child has done this, every time she has been asked what she wants she has said the same thing and even started showing my mum where to buy it from. I was in the background shaking my head as I have already got it but obviously my DD doesn't know this.
You need to explain to her that she needs to come up with some other ideas and perhaps even explain this to her, saying I know you want the perfume but you have said this to lots of people. If everyone buys this you will be disappointed, so what other things would you like.

Endofyear · 07/12/2025 09:33

Your DDs boyfriend sounds like an arse 😠 I'd be upset too but I wouldn't get into a competition with his family for DDs sake. I'd get DD a few small things and put the main money aside for a shopping/lunch out trip with DD when she can choose something and you can buy it!

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 09:34

PollyBell · 07/12/2025 09:31

This if you have a child of this age you must be of adult age yourself so try acting like it

Yes there will immature replies but do you what you think is right not popular

Edited
Show quote history

I agree, really.

My reply above was definitely of the immature swipe back response.

She will never love you less, OP.

Magnificentkitteh · 07/12/2025 09:34

Id file this under mildly annoying and get something else. Surely it's more exciting to open something that has an element of surprise, a f this way she can have two great gifts.

cherrycherryblossom · 07/12/2025 09:35

I’d be so annoyed too OP but I think on this occasion you need to keep that hidden as you don’t want to look petty to her in laws, who probably had asked the BF for ideas for a present. He sounds like a right arsey character by the way.

Olderbutt · 07/12/2025 09:37

Oh for goodness sake! Yes. Give your head a big wobble! Talk about childish. Just find out what else she would like and be grateful boyfriends Mum cares enough to buy it!

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 07/12/2025 09:38

Do you get like and get on with the boyfriend? His comment about you being able to afford it was odd/clumsy but maybe his mum had already bought it.

Wobblylegs1 · 07/12/2025 09:39

Hmm.
Well I would be mightily cheesed off too.
I think you need to speak with the boyfriend to clarify what has gone here.

It’s possible that he told his parents about the perfume set before your DD mentioned it to you. And his comment about ‘too expensive’ was to discourage you from getting it, as he knew he’s already asked his parents. I think that’s a forgivable situation and you should just get her something else.

It’s also possible (though I think probably unlikely?) that he heard you tell your daughter that you would get her the perfume, but then told his parents to get it for her, and texted you to get something different. Seems rather unlikely! But I suppose he might have thought he was doing you a favour if he is under the impression that you are really struggling financially?
Just ring him -
“Hi Bill, why did you tell your parents to get her the perfume set, when you heard us say we’d get it?”
He will then explain himself.

Coffeeishot · 07/12/2025 09:39

I would keep your eye on the boyfriend he sounds a controlling and petty, I know people will say its just a gift etc etc but no decent man would interfere like that and to get his mum involved isn't great is it? Anyway don't let him get to you buy your Dd something else maybe something just for her,