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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend mum brought my DD the gift she wanted

193 replies

orangesnapples · 07/12/2025 09:15

I'm probably am being unreasonable. But my Dd is gone up ( late 20s) and recently told me the only thing she really wanted for Christmas was a certain perfume set. When telling me, her boyfriend chimed in that it's really expensive and we probably couldn't afford it. Straight away I said, excuse me! You don't know what we can and can't afford and that it was absolutely fine, we would be happy to get this. For the record we always spend a couple of hundred each on our kid as I live Christmas and live to spoil all my kids and gift them things they love. The gifting is really important to me. I get so excited for the Christmas morning.
Anyway this week I double check that I have the right perfume set written down.
Last night I get a text from her boyfriend to say that his mum has brought the perfume set and I can get her something else. And it's really miffed me off.
I don't want to get her something she doesn't really want. I know it was kind of his mum to get her something so thoughtful but she asked me for it and now I feel like I'm going to give her something she doesn't really want or will use.
It's just made me a bit fed up and taken the wind out my sails, but I don't know if I should give my head a wobble. She's fairly successful so tends to buy her self stuff she really wants.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 07/12/2025 09:41

Endofyear · 07/12/2025 09:33

Your DDs boyfriend sounds like an arse 😠 I'd be upset too but I wouldn't get into a competition with his family for DDs sake. I'd get DD a few small things and put the main money aside for a shopping/lunch out trip with DD when she can choose something and you can buy it!

This sounds a nice idea,

Hendersso · 07/12/2025 09:42

Annoying he should have communicated with you better. In future message him and ask his plans. Obviously it’s nice that his mum thought of dd too.

ScallopCandle · 07/12/2025 09:42

Not quite the same, but I would have loved to buy my daughter a Tiffany necklace for her 18th birthday. We could not afford it however, so I bought her another necklace instead. My very good friend who loves my daughter, bought her the Tiffany necklace that I would have liked to get. I can’t pretend that I didn’t feel a bit sad inside, but I did not let it show and I thanked my friend profusely, as did my daughter. Who received two lovely necklaces!

I have since noticed that my daughter regularly wears my necklace and very rarely wear the Tiffany one. I asked her why and she said that the one I gave her means so much more to her and that is why she likes to wear it.

It often is the thought that counts.

ResusciAnnie · 07/12/2025 09:43

Ha. He doesn’t get to tell you that - I’d say ‘well I’ve got DD the perfume so your mum can return the one she bought’. He sounds rude telling you you can’t afford it! If he wasn’t so rude I’d be nicer to him.

Also if DD likes this perfume so much that it’s all she wants for Xmas, she’ll like to have 2 I’d have thought?

MaturingCheeseball · 07/12/2025 09:43

Olderbutt · 07/12/2025 09:37

Oh for goodness sake! Yes. Give your head a big wobble! Talk about childish. Just find out what else she would like and be grateful boyfriends Mum cares enough to buy it!

This.

My mil bought me every year chocolates from the sale that expired a few weeks from Christmas so clearly had been bought a long time previously. Yes, be pleased your dd’s bf’s dm likes her. That is the most important thing.

landlordhell · 07/12/2025 09:45

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

Haha this! Boyfriend’s mum overstepping.

Frynye · 07/12/2025 09:46

Or just have two perfume sets! It will get used

landlordhell · 07/12/2025 09:47

ScallopCandle · 07/12/2025 09:42

Not quite the same, but I would have loved to buy my daughter a Tiffany necklace for her 18th birthday. We could not afford it however, so I bought her another necklace instead. My very good friend who loves my daughter, bought her the Tiffany necklace that I would have liked to get. I can’t pretend that I didn’t feel a bit sad inside, but I did not let it show and I thanked my friend profusely, as did my daughter. Who received two lovely necklaces!

I have since noticed that my daughter regularly wears my necklace and very rarely wear the Tiffany one. I asked her why and she said that the one I gave her means so much more to her and that is why she likes to wear it.

It often is the thought that counts.

Your Dd sounds emotionally intelligent. Your friend on the other hand does not.

Coffeeishot · 07/12/2025 09:47

Frynye · 07/12/2025 09:46

Or just have two perfume sets! It will get used

Or this!

sugarapplelane · 07/12/2025 09:48

I think your DD boyfriend is rude! How dare he tell you that you can’t afford it. For that alone I would be telling him that you have already bought it

BigFenianEnergy · 07/12/2025 09:50

If you’re like this over a perfume, how will you be if they have kids? Him saying you couldn’t afford it was obv a hint not to.

I know this sounds harsh but take it from my experience as the daughter dealing with this, if she ever caught wind of this or you keep on like this, you will lose her.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 07/12/2025 09:50

Jesus. Late 20s? When do you plan to cut the apron strings?

HeartandSeoul · 07/12/2025 09:51

Frynye · 07/12/2025 09:46

Or just have two perfume sets! It will get used

I was going to write the same comment, but thought I would check if someone had beat me to it!

I agree, both sets would be used and much appreciated.

randoname · 07/12/2025 09:51

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 09:21

Well the boyfriend deserves a Lynx deodorant set as his present.

I think go back to your Dd and ask what other things she would truly love.. and then on Christmas Day tell her what happened.

Unless she will open your present first, at your house? In which case go right ahead…

OR I would say to Bf “oh no! But you knew I was getting the perfume. Hopefully your Mum can return the set she bought?”

Blimey, talk about starting a fight in an empty room. What are you on about? You’re adding fuel to a non existent fire.

ShesTheAlbatross · 07/12/2025 09:51

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

I think that would be deranged.

What I assumed had happened when reading that story was that the DD had already mentioned this perfume to her boyfriend, who had then mentioned it to his mum when she asked him what to get her, so when he heard his girlfriend mention it to OP he panicked and said something to stop her getting it.

ifyoulikechocolate · 07/12/2025 09:55

I really don’t like the sound of her boyfriend. Any other issues with him?

DarkForces · 07/12/2025 09:56

What does 'winning' here look like? Getting your dd a present she'll like and maintaining a good relationship with her bf and family or getting a short term kick out of telling them to return a present so you can buy some perfume that'll last for less time than the bad feeling it brings with it? This may be your future in laws and he may be the father to your grandchildren. Don't piss on his chips unless it's something bloody important.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 07/12/2025 09:57

Tell bf you’ve already bought it for her, as she asked you to. So his mum will have to find something else to give her. Yanbu to be annoyed.

StephensLass1977 · 07/12/2025 09:58

Well she's obviously gone around telling everyone that was what she wanted, or they simply wouldn't have known. It's done, so you'll just need to buy her something else. It's just how it is. Wouldn't she like some Swarovski earrings or something?

Frenchfrychic · 07/12/2025 10:01

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 09:21

Well the boyfriend deserves a Lynx deodorant set as his present.

I think go back to your Dd and ask what other things she would truly love.. and then on Christmas Day tell her what happened.

Unless she will open your present first, at your house? In which case go right ahead…

OR I would say to Bf “oh no! But you knew I was getting the perfume. Hopefully your Mum can return the set she bought?”

What? For telling her? What on earth has he done wrong?

MaplePumpkin · 07/12/2025 10:01

The gifting is really important to me. I get so excited for the Christmas morning.

^ With this in mind, I think you should be glad the perfume set has already been bought, and you can buy her something she’ll like that will be more of a surprise. I find it I buy something for someone that they’ve outright asked for, it’s way less fun on Christmas morning as they were kind of expecting it. As gifting is so important to you, surely your Christmas morning with her will be so much nicer when she opens a lovely surprise gift from you. I imagine you and your daughter have a lovely relationship and you know her well, so I bet you can think of some great surprise gifts that she will love.

Her boyfriend sounds like a knob, has he always been like that?

KaleidoscopeSmile · 07/12/2025 10:02

I have no opinion on whether OP is right or wrong but why does everyone keep saying that he panicked because his mum had already bought it?

If that was the case surely he would've had a quiet word in OP's ear to explain why he'd said what he said. Unless he's a fucking idiot of course.

And the PP who said that she's "going to lose" her daughter if she finds out that OP is miffed, you're an idiot too.

Tweedled · 07/12/2025 10:06

The boyfriend sounds like a right little shit, how spiteful of him saying you can’t afford it, who the hell does he think he is.
I would tell him I have already bought the gift so his mother will have to take hers back.

ParkMaiden · 07/12/2025 10:11

Poppingby · 07/12/2025 09:29

I think his mum had probably already bought it when he said it was too expensive. I wouldn't allow yourself to get too upset as she is unaware and he is just trying to avoid awkwardness, even if clumsily.

Wow yes definitely this! See this how easily things get twisted around!!!

Ponoka7 · 07/12/2025 10:12

Hiw long has he been a boyfriend? In your position, I'd contact her and tell her I'd already got it. If she can't take her set back, you can take your one back and buy her's from her. Posyers often don't get that not everyone wants lots of stuff and has picked what she wants from you. I'd wonder if he's gone to his Mum and complained about the cost.