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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend mum brought my DD the gift she wanted

193 replies

orangesnapples · 07/12/2025 09:15

I'm probably am being unreasonable. But my Dd is gone up ( late 20s) and recently told me the only thing she really wanted for Christmas was a certain perfume set. When telling me, her boyfriend chimed in that it's really expensive and we probably couldn't afford it. Straight away I said, excuse me! You don't know what we can and can't afford and that it was absolutely fine, we would be happy to get this. For the record we always spend a couple of hundred each on our kid as I live Christmas and live to spoil all my kids and gift them things they love. The gifting is really important to me. I get so excited for the Christmas morning.
Anyway this week I double check that I have the right perfume set written down.
Last night I get a text from her boyfriend to say that his mum has brought the perfume set and I can get her something else. And it's really miffed me off.
I don't want to get her something she doesn't really want. I know it was kind of his mum to get her something so thoughtful but she asked me for it and now I feel like I'm going to give her something she doesn't really want or will use.
It's just made me a bit fed up and taken the wind out my sails, but I don't know if I should give my head a wobble. She's fairly successful so tends to buy her self stuff she really wants.

OP posts:
SouthernNights59 · 08/12/2025 20:29

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/12/2025 11:15

I'd tell him that I am getting the perfume set she asked ME for and to not interfere, pull a fast one, from conversations I have with my daughter.

How incredibly childish. Honestly I am quite shocked at how silly some posters are about this, especially given the age of the daughter. I would be appalled if my DM had been so ridiculous about a gift - not that she ever would have.

DetectiveDouche · 09/12/2025 11:30

His mum probably doesn't know she's overstepped.. I doubt she would have knowingly bought it to put one over on the OP. She probably just went with the BF's advice.

In the great scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. If you still want to buy it, OP, two bottles of a favourite perfume can only be a good thing.. you can get a couple of more personal little gifts to go with it can't you?

Ultimately, IMO, it's not worth creating upheaval over.. nobody has done anybody wrong.. the BF is guilty of some clumsy wording and possible handing of the situation.. but.. 🤷‍♀️.. it's a Christmas gift, not a major, life changing scenario.

winnieanddaisy · 09/12/2025 15:12

I usually buy my adult DD a piece of 9ct gold jewellery. Not too expensive. I don’t think you can ever have too much jewellery and it can be sold if she is ever skint . This is a scouser thing . Over 50 years ago when I got married my MIL assured me that I should have a 22ct wedding ring as I would get more if I needed to pawn it🤣. I still have it even though I’ve been a widow for 18 years and I’ve never needed to pawn it .

Rosealea · 09/12/2025 16:10

The boyfriend is behind this somehow, he's the common denominator between the two mothers and could and should have put his mother right when she mentioned buying it.

Hopefully the new year will bring her a nicer boyfriend.

croydon15 · 09/12/2025 16:56

Rosealea · 09/12/2025 16:10

The boyfriend is behind this somehow, he's the common denominator between the two mothers and could and should have put his mother right when she mentioned buying it.

Hopefully the new year will bring her a nicer boyfriend.

Only on MN people get criticised for trying to do something nice.

Partypants83 · 09/12/2025 18:31

Don't be petty, OP. Get her something else

XiCi · 09/12/2025 18:34

croydon15 · 09/12/2025 16:56

Only on MN people get criticised for trying to do something nice.

Show quote history

<waves to asshole boyfriend>

Jammin8 · 09/12/2025 21:29

Theslummymummy · 08/12/2025 19:48

Where did she bring it?

I'm so glad you said this. I was very tempted.

Mydadsbirthday · 10/12/2025 22:40

Well the OP hasn't come back so this was probably a bot or a windup

YankSplaining · 10/12/2025 22:50

YANBU. If her boyfriend had been the one who bought it, I might have said you were unreasonable, but the fact that it was from his mother, after he’d said you probably couldn’t afford it, reads like noblesse oblige on his mother’s part. As though your daughter was supposed to say, “Oh, thank you! My mother couldn’t have afforded this, so I’m so grateful you got it for me!”

Some people are saying he was trying to discourage you from buying it because his mother had already bought it. If that was the case, he could have texted you or waited until your daughter was out of the room for a moment and then told you, and he’s old enough to know that.

Copperoliverbear · 10/12/2025 23:56

I don’t like the sound of him, he must have told his mum that’s what she had asked for too.

labamba18 · 11/12/2025 06:38

I read this as him saying it’s too expensive to put his girlfriend off knowing he’d already bought it?

Maray1967 · 11/12/2025 06:41

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

This is exactly what I would do. This lad needs to learn some sensitivity. In

bumptybum · 11/12/2025 06:42

AppropriateAdult · 07/12/2025 09:32

Was it not the case that his mum had already bought it for her by the time you had the conversation with your daughter, which is why he panicked and came up with the rather silly “It’s really expensive, you probably couldn’t afford it” excuse? I don’t think anyone is behaving terribly here, it’s just crossed wires. Since you haven’t actually bought the set yet I’d just get her something else lovely that she won’t be expecting.

It sounds like there was quite a time span between the conversation and the boyfriend sending the text. He sounds like bit of a problem to me. He heard dd ask mum for it and then told his mother what to get her.

bumptybum · 11/12/2025 06:44

OP I would just ask your dd. It’s sounds like you are all open about what to get so just tell her that boyfriend instructed his parents to get the gift she asked you to get so what else would she really like from you.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/12/2025 06:45

bumptybum · 11/12/2025 06:42

It sounds like there was quite a time span between the conversation and the boyfriend sending the text. He sounds like bit of a problem to me. He heard dd ask mum for it and then told his mother what to get her.

Show quote history

That was my take.

MargaretThursday · 11/12/2025 07:02

Poppingby · 07/12/2025 09:29

I think his mum had probably already bought it when he said it was too expensive. I wouldn't allow yourself to get too upset as she is unaware and he is just trying to avoid awkwardness, even if clumsily.

That's what I thought.

She'd mentioned a bit ago to. Him, he'd passed the idea to his mum and she'd bought it.
He was trying to clumsily give an excuse he hoped you'd pick up on not to buy, and ask for another idea.

AppropriateAdult · 11/12/2025 11:11

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

God, don’t do this. If I got a message from the mother of the adult partner of my adult child, telling me that I “had to” return a gift I’d bought for her, I’d think she was a fucking lunatic.

Hankunamatata · 11/12/2025 12:07

You know he already had it brought hence him saying its too expensive when dd mentioned it

croydon15 · 11/12/2025 16:56

AppropriateAdult · 11/12/2025 11:11

God, don’t do this. If I got a message from the mother of the adult partner of my adult child, telling me that I “had to” return a gift I’d bought for her, I’d think she was a fucking lunatic.

Show quote history

Agree l would think that you are totally ungrateful and certainly would not bother going forward.

Bleachedjeans · 12/12/2025 02:28

BF and his DM sound like a PITA in my opinion. Interfering and a bit controlling. Why would he make the comment about not affording? And why didn’t his DM keep her nose out and leave the DD’s mum to buy the perfume set? And then the phone call from the BF? FFS it would just irritate me.

Bleachedjeans · 12/12/2025 02:38

… meant to add: as other posters have said, it’s possible the gift had already been bought. Don’t know why some posters are having a go at OP tbh.

Firefumes · 12/12/2025 02:55

Is this a joke? You should know your daughter well enough to find a suitable second gift. She can have the perfume and something else of similar value? Win win for everyone? As opposed to everyone losing if you raise this as an issue

steff13 · 12/12/2025 03:01

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 07/12/2025 11:42

Yeah I would too. Tell him you’ve got it so they will need to return theirs

Show quote history

What's the OP going to do if they don't return it? There's literally no recourse.

steff13 · 12/12/2025 03:09

Copperoliverbear · 10/12/2025 23:56

I don’t like the sound of him, he must have told his mum that’s what she had asked for too.

For all we know, she asked him a month ago what his GF wanted for Christmas and he told her. Some people like to get shopping done early.