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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD boyfriend mum brought my DD the gift she wanted

193 replies

orangesnapples · 07/12/2025 09:15

I'm probably am being unreasonable. But my Dd is gone up ( late 20s) and recently told me the only thing she really wanted for Christmas was a certain perfume set. When telling me, her boyfriend chimed in that it's really expensive and we probably couldn't afford it. Straight away I said, excuse me! You don't know what we can and can't afford and that it was absolutely fine, we would be happy to get this. For the record we always spend a couple of hundred each on our kid as I live Christmas and live to spoil all my kids and gift them things they love. The gifting is really important to me. I get so excited for the Christmas morning.
Anyway this week I double check that I have the right perfume set written down.
Last night I get a text from her boyfriend to say that his mum has brought the perfume set and I can get her something else. And it's really miffed me off.
I don't want to get her something she doesn't really want. I know it was kind of his mum to get her something so thoughtful but she asked me for it and now I feel like I'm going to give her something she doesn't really want or will use.
It's just made me a bit fed up and taken the wind out my sails, but I don't know if I should give my head a wobble. She's fairly successful so tends to buy her self stuff she really wants.

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 12/12/2025 03:12

steff13 · 12/12/2025 03:09

For all we know, she asked him a month ago what his GF wanted for Christmas and he told her. Some people like to get shopping done early.

Exactly. Poor block being tarnished as a shit stirrer.

Quicksilver15 · 12/12/2025 03:22

This would not bother me, maybe I just don’t put much value on things that they won’t care about or barely even acknowledge in a year. Anyway it still hardly sounds sentimental to get her that specific gift so I would just ask for other options.

I’d actually think about some activity/experience I could do with my adult child that you’ll talk about still on occasion after the event. I guess I’m the building memories kinda view point. Or if you don’t want to be involved something of that style for her & boyfriend.

BeanQuisine · 12/12/2025 03:32

Get her a 6 pack of Labubu, they're all the rage and they're suitably expensive.

Mothership4two · 12/12/2025 04:10

It all depends really. If the conversation was a while ago and BF has got his mum to 'gazump' you, then he's an arse. But, if it was all close together and he knew his mum had already bought the perfume - which TBF it sounds like that might be the case with his clumsy "you won't be able to afford it" comment - then it's understandable. If it's that latter it would have been polite for him to have explained. Personally, I would have been a bit disappointed but would get her something else or give her the money.

ILoveLucite · 12/12/2025 06:25

Poppingby · 07/12/2025 09:29

I think his mum had probably already bought it when he said it was too expensive. I wouldn't allow yourself to get too upset as she is unaware and he is just trying to avoid awkwardness, even if clumsily.

That was my assumption too. He was trying to deter OP from buying the gift his Mum had already purchased.

Gallowayan · 12/12/2025 06:32

Topjoe19 · 07/12/2025 09:23

Agree. I'd message him back & tell him as your DD asked for it you've bought it so his mum will have to get her something else.

This is the rightl answer to passive aggressive gift gazumping😆

Youhavemade · 12/12/2025 06:45

Olderbutt · 07/12/2025 09:37

Oh for goodness sake! Yes. Give your head a big wobble! Talk about childish. Just find out what else she would like and be grateful boyfriends Mum cares enough to buy it!

Absolutely!

Do real adults behave like this?

Honestly, this reaction is quite childish for a grown adult.

It’s a gift, not a competition. Your daughter is in her late 20s — she’s not a little child whose “special present” needs to be “claimed” by mum. And even then…

Getting upset because someone else bought the item first suggests this isn’t about Christmas or your daughter at all. It’s about the you as her mother wanting to feel like the most special, important giver.

That’s where female competitiveness creeps in — the “I want to be the one who gives her the best, most meaningful present.”

But that’s about ego, not generosity.

Most adults recognise that:

  • gifts don’t come with territory
  • families overlap
  • sometimes someone else happens to buy the same thing
  • it’s not a personal attack, nor a threat
  • the daughter will appreciate all gifts, not award “top giver” status

The boyfriend’s mum wasn’t trying to one-up anyone. She probably just thought she was being thoughtful. The only person turning it into a hierarchy is you, who feels “robbed” of the moment.

So yes — adults do sometimes react like this, but they really shouldn’t. It’s a sign that the issue isn’t the perfume at all, but insecurity and competitiveness masquerading as “tradition” and “excitement.”

The healthy response would be to buy something else she’ll enjoy, and remember Christmas is about giving, not keeping score.

ItsDarkNow · 12/12/2025 06:51

Will @orangesnapples ever come back to let people know what she did …

Tourmalines · 12/12/2025 07:27

Sums it up perfectly. OP will be in a for a few miserable moments if she don’t change her mindset if they get married .

Sartre · 12/12/2025 07:30

Meh, I wouldn’t get worked up about this. I think your DD is probably to blame for asking two different people to get her the same thing tbh. Ask her what else she wants.

Sunshineo · 12/12/2025 07:55

Her boyfriend sounds awful but it’s lovely that his parents have got her something that she loves.

You must have other ideas? Something more personal.

Copperoliverbear · 12/12/2025 08:16

@Tourmalines @steff13 and for all we know I might be right, I’m entitled to an opinion that’s what a forum is for.

Tourmalines · 12/12/2025 08:55

Copperoliverbear · 12/12/2025 08:16

@Tourmalines @steff13 and for all we know I might be right, I’m entitled to an opinion that’s what a forum is for.

Well obviously he was the one who told his mum. But as was said it could have been ages ago . The girlfriend didn’t say her mum was going to get it . It’s such a drama over nothing . I’m sure the op can think of something else to get her daughter. As was said , it really shouldn’t matter who gets it as long the daughter gets it . It’s not a competition. Op even said herself maybe she should give her head a wobble .

NoisyViewer · 12/12/2025 09:06

It’s an expensive gift & her bf parents bought it. It shows they like her & they think their son is very serious about your daughter. I’d be delighted with that knowledge. I don’t get why you’re so offended. The boyfriend shouldn’t assume you couldn’t afford it but it did sound like a big hint she already had it & he clumsily looked for a reason to discourage you. If your daughter is serious with this man & they have a future I would try & drop minor issues like this. If you start criticising the little things youre going to come across as a difficult MIL it will p him off & eventually your daughter.

GeorgieFG · 12/12/2025 22:18

Honestly OP it doesn't matter. DD is grown
up snd will receive good things from many different people not just her parents. Thank goodness.

LarryMiddleman · 12/12/2025 23:55

Bought

Rosscameasdoody · 19/12/2025 07:26

LarryMiddleman · 12/12/2025 23:55

Bought

Correcting other posters’ grammar will get you deleted.

moderate · 19/12/2025 13:25

Rosscameasdoody · 19/12/2025 07:26

Correcting other posters’ grammar will get you deleted.

Technically that's not a grammar correction 😜

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