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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend mum brought my DD the gift she wanted

193 replies

orangesnapples · 07/12/2025 09:15

I'm probably am being unreasonable. But my Dd is gone up ( late 20s) and recently told me the only thing she really wanted for Christmas was a certain perfume set. When telling me, her boyfriend chimed in that it's really expensive and we probably couldn't afford it. Straight away I said, excuse me! You don't know what we can and can't afford and that it was absolutely fine, we would be happy to get this. For the record we always spend a couple of hundred each on our kid as I live Christmas and live to spoil all my kids and gift them things they love. The gifting is really important to me. I get so excited for the Christmas morning.
Anyway this week I double check that I have the right perfume set written down.
Last night I get a text from her boyfriend to say that his mum has brought the perfume set and I can get her something else. And it's really miffed me off.
I don't want to get her something she doesn't really want. I know it was kind of his mum to get her something so thoughtful but she asked me for it and now I feel like I'm going to give her something she doesn't really want or will use.
It's just made me a bit fed up and taken the wind out my sails, but I don't know if I should give my head a wobble. She's fairly successful so tends to buy her self stuff she really wants.

OP posts:
CandyCaneKisses · 07/12/2025 10:12

Yabu. It’s not a competition.

Iamnicehonest · 07/12/2025 10:14

Wow theres some really petty responses on here.

Just get her something else.

ReplacementBusService · 07/12/2025 10:14

As someone who loves perfume, I can confirm that two people both getting me my favourite perfume set for Christmas is absolutely my ideal situation. Buy it anyway. Or buy two, then she's sorted for a while.

ForFunGoose · 07/12/2025 10:15

Get her the body lotion of the perfume and something else.

Comewhatmay25 · 07/12/2025 10:15

Just reply, I've already bought it. Maybe your mum could return it and get something else. Otherwise she will just have 2.

EleanorReally · 07/12/2025 10:16

one year i had two kitchen clocks because i told too many people the same thing
at least you know in advance

Robertsmithsnan · 07/12/2025 10:16

She can have more than 1 bottle! It’s not a competition and I certainly wouldn’t be asking his mother to return hers, I’d laugh it off as “great minds think alike”
I wear the same scent by Chanel, I’ve a full bottle in my press and one open.

Smartiepants79 · 07/12/2025 10:17

I can understand why this is annoying but I would suspect that the boyfriend knew before she spoke to you what she wanted and that his mum had already bought it. Hence the attempt to put you off buying it by saying it was too expensive.
I think she’d already bought it before this conversation.

Tryingatleast · 07/12/2025 10:18

It is irrational but then as humans we’re irrational!! I’d totally feel the same. I wouldn’t tell her until way after Christmas so she knows but Christmas isn’t about her worrying you hate her bf (I’m not a fan tbh!!) but … (tries to think of petty way to let ddbf and his mum know they’re assholes!!)

Nightow · 07/12/2025 10:18

This sounds familiar. Son telling everyone who will listen what he REALLY wants for xmas. Me (knowing I have already bought it) trying to put everyone off without admitting I had bought it already. Even worse when you see someone else reach for their phone to immediately order it online. Cue panic and saying stupid things to stop them. My guess is poor boyfriend panicked and said something stupid.

Whichone2024 · 07/12/2025 10:19

Maybe he had already known his mum had bought it and was trying to put you off buying it? Maybe he hadn’t realised she was going to ask you for it.
he shouldn’t have said you couldn’t afford it, that’s rude, but maybe it was a clumsy way of trying to put you off buying it?
maybe his mum wasn’t trying to overstep and was just trying to be nice ? And it’s nice she obviously likes your daughter!
I’m just playing devils advocate 🤷🏻‍♀️

GanninHyem · 07/12/2025 10:20

Boyfriend sounds like a bit of a bellend. I wouldn't engage with him when he's trying to dictate what you buy your own daughter for Xmas.

You know she loves it though so I'd still get her it, it's not like it would go to waste. And I'm sure there is other things she would like too?

FamilyPhoto · 07/12/2025 10:22

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 09:21

Well the boyfriend deserves a Lynx deodorant set as his present.

I think go back to your Dd and ask what other things she would truly love.. and then on Christmas Day tell her what happened.

Unless she will open your present first, at your house? In which case go right ahead…

OR I would say to Bf “oh no! But you knew I was getting the perfume. Hopefully your Mum can return the set she bought?”

Don't do this 🤦‍♀️

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/12/2025 10:25

If this was my Mum she would just have a quiet word with me to explain what had happened and could she get me something else?

Boyfriend sounds like a bit of a bellend but I assume he's young and trying to impress her, he's mum has probably bought the item at his request because to impress her. There is no need to get dramatic over this.

Sam9769 · 07/12/2025 10:26

When someone is being kind to your daughter, don't knock it!
In 35 years of marriage, my mother in law has never given me one gift! Nothing!
We used to buy her gifts but her automatic reaction was to say "Don't be wasting your money!" and "Have you got the receipt for that!" Eventually, we stopped buying presents for the ungrateful, mean, wisened old bag!

lohpetite · 07/12/2025 10:30

I don’t think you should blame the mum. The son could have told her that’s what Gf wants (without mentioning the affordability thing).

I wouldn’t make a fuss about it, as others have said, I very much doubt that’s the only thing she wants. It’s one of those things. Let it go.

InterestedDad37 · 07/12/2025 10:31

Get her the same perfume set anyway.
She and boyfriend will learn not to tell everyone the same thing about what she wants for Christmas, and she'll have double the perfume, so it will last longer.

BeMintFatball · 07/12/2025 10:33

My take on this is boyfriend’s mother had already bought the perfume and the boyfriend knew it.

The tactful action would have taken you to one side and quietly told you.
Instead he went for the immature , oh no you probably can’t afford it response..

Can he have an amber flag for possibly being an arsehole but at least his mum is nice.

You know your daughter best, buy her something else

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 07/12/2025 10:33

Coffeeishot · 07/12/2025 09:39

I would keep your eye on the boyfriend he sounds a controlling and petty, I know people will say its just a gift etc etc but no decent man would interfere like that and to get his mum involved isn't great is it? Anyway don't let him get to you buy your Dd something else maybe something just for her,

You don’t know what other conversations the DD may have had with her BF’s mum though. It’s not necessarily that the BF has interfered, the DD may have also mentioned liking this perfume separately to her BF and to his mum .

Rosscameasdoody · 07/12/2025 10:33

ElfAndSafetyBored · 07/12/2025 09:20

I totally get how you feel but ask him for other ideas, there will be other things she wants. Or buy a treat for her if there no ‘thing’ you can think of - afternoon tea somewhere nice or whatever sort of thing she likes.

It is lovely your DD is being treated so well by her boyfriend’s family.

First the BF questions OP’s ability to afford the perfume set, and then, knowing full well she intends to buy it, tells his mum to get it instead and then offhandedly tells OP to get her something else. Lovely ? Yeah. Right.

winterwarmer8274 · 07/12/2025 10:35

My mum would also just tell me that my BF mum has got me the perfume, so what else would I like? I'm sure she will come up with something you can buy her.

Its really not a big deal, and she's very lucky to have inlaws who want to buy her a gift she will like.

Coffeeishot · 07/12/2025 10:38

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 07/12/2025 10:33

You don’t know what other conversations the DD may have had with her BF’s mum though. It’s not necessarily that the BF has interfered, the DD may have also mentioned liking this perfume separately to her BF and to his mum .

Show quote history

Yes of course. It was just an observation there is a few different scenarios it could be.

lohpetite · 07/12/2025 10:38

ifyoulikechocolate · 07/12/2025 09:55

I really don’t like the sound of her boyfriend. Any other issues with him?

Are you bored? Stop riling up the OP.

XiCi · 07/12/2025 10:38

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/12/2025 10:25

If this was my Mum she would just have a quiet word with me to explain what had happened and could she get me something else?

Boyfriend sounds like a bit of a bellend but I assume he's young and trying to impress her, he's mum has probably bought the item at his request because to impress her. There is no need to get dramatic over this.

I think on reflection I'd probably do this, even though I'd be pissed off at the bf/mum. I'd say to dd, someone else has bought you that perfume but I'd like to buy you something you love, let's go shopping together. Make a day of it. Have a nice lunch, few cocktails, buy her something she loves, piece of jewellery maybe. (Or if you're feeling really wicked, find out what the boyfriend has bought her and buy her that 🤣🤣)

starfishmummy · 07/12/2025 10:41

Frynye · 07/12/2025 09:46

Or just have two perfume sets! It will get used

Exactly.

Ifnitsnher regular perfume then she's got a years worth (or more)

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