Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

Yes, it would be very rude.

Yeah that would be rude, I would get your partner to ask if everyone would be happy to order from the other pace as there is more options for you, but if they want their usual you either go with it or don't go

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

You could but you’ll have to accept they will think of you as ‘that’ girlfriend and will discuss you being a bit of a PITA.

Well is there anything you want to eat or not? If there isn't anything you would actually want to eat then your partner should be saying to his family now before tonight would they be ok with a different takeaway. You're OP isn't clear if there is anything you would eat or just not many options

Hardly anything? No noodles, rice, veg dishes at all? What’s the options?
is this the emetephobia speaking really? What help are you getting with it?

That wouldn't bother me at all, you'll all be eating together so why does it matter where it has come from.
I've done similar with DD and I because we are GF, I hope. No one minds, they haven't said anything if they did...

I agree with this

There is a couple of noodle dishes that are spicy and the rest is vegetables (peppers and onions mainly) in a sauce of some sort. I also suffer from stomach issues so a lot of what’s on the menu could potentially cause a flare up.

@HelloCheekyCat GF is different. The OP’s suggestion casts aspersions on the hosts choices.

Agreed. What’s more important, getting on with everyone or taking a stand?

I don't think it would be rude. If the one they always use doesn't have anything much for you I think it's fine to order elsewhere. What does your partner think?

I’m sure they would want you to be happy thought I would if my DS’s girlfriend came over for a takeaway. Can your partner suggest the different place without saying specifically you don’t want to order from the Chinese.

If they aren’t fussy then they may be happy to switch. If they are I think you have to suck it up and just order something safe like noodles and vegetables.!

I do get on with everyone, but equally I don’t want to potentially make myself feel ill when I’m quite happy to get something I can eat from somewhere else and just eat that with everyone else instead?

I also agree that it would be rude unfortunately. There are things you can eat. It's about the shared experience. It would actually be better not to go than start ordering from elsewhere. I'm vegan so have sympathy with trying to pick from very limited options but it's just not socially acceptable. It's like saying I'm better than your food. Vegetarian food is quite difficult to spoil so maybe go for something plain. You could also have a snack beforehand so that you can just eat a smaller portion if you're struggling. 3 is not a bad hygiene rating the inspectors can be quite picky

Stir fried veg, egg fried rice, veg spring rolls, veg Singapore noodles, crispy seaweed, salt and pepper tofu, broccoli in garlic sauce...there's loads of vegetarian things from the Chinese?

To be honest, the protocol for this would be literally order a couple things you know you can eat, and help yourself to a portion of each. And that's it really. If you start claiming you want food from elsewhere the family could think you awkward or be insulted.

What is your partner saying though? They could try and help you out a bit and steer them towards a different takeaway.

It’s a bit of a faff ordering from different places as the food will arrive at different times?

Yes it would be rude - maybe just have some egg fried rice and say you are not feeling that hungry.

I’m guessing it’s the food hygiene rating more than the limited veggie options?

Could you show your partner the reviews and the food rating?

I haven’t mentioned it yet so I don’t know, my partner is usually quite supportive though and knows how I feel about food and stuff, so I imagine they would be supportive about it regardless of how their family felt about it. The other place is quite expensive, so I wouldn’t want them all to switch to that takeaway just on my account. We are collecting the food and the places are on the same road so it wouldn’t be too much of an issue

You’re jumping down people’s throats just on this thread. Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t want them.

This! Why would it matter? You’re not inconveniencing them in any way, you’re paying for your own order. The kind of people who’d actually care about this need to unclench. Do what you need to do OP it’s fine.

It’s a bit of both but I do have severe phobias and a bit of OCD (genuine mental health issues not just a phrase that’s thrown around) so low hygiene ratings and reviews of food making people unwell terrify me - I would honestly rather starve. My partner isn’t fussed about things like that but they are very supportive of me and my struggles with issues like this

I don’t think I am jumping down peoples throats at all actually, I’m replying to what people are asking me

Typically with such meals, the dishes are all placed in the centre and people take from each. How will you ‘police’ your dishes at your hosts house? Poor form to deny others a tasting in order to ensure you’ve enough (because you’re not eating the other dishes).