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Original poster

Would this be rude?

510 replies

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

OP posts:
MyOliveCrow · 06/12/2025 11:51

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/12/2025 11:26

It’s one meal.

Show quote history

Exactly, its one meal. So the hosts can cope. They didn't cook the Chinese takeaway, its not a slight.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/12/2025 11:51

I don't think it's rude at all. Order what you want.

I can't imagine trying to control or even caring about what someone else eats from the takeaway. Never mind giving it enough thought to find it rude.

OneBookTooMany · 06/12/2025 11:54

@Christmas20
I would not eat food from anywhere that I actually knew had a low hygiene rating and I would take a different view of people who did.

It would make me think that they too were dirty sods-a bit lax about hygiene themselves.

There is no way that I would have food from that takeaway or eat it it in the dirty bugger's house.

Develop a headache at about 3.30, one which will entail you having a lie down at about 4.30 and one which sadly develops into one that means you can't go anywhere.

Let them enjoy their germ and faeces packed meal. You stay at home and have some toast.

Coffeeishot · 06/12/2025 11:56

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

Yes honestly just find "something" the takeaway has been decided the family have probably eaten there loads with nothing happening to them, you should have asked your partner to suggest your perceived better place before today, I am not trying to pick on you but you can't expect people to accommodate you, this is for you to manage,

GloriaMonday · 06/12/2025 11:57

@Christmas20 , I don't eat Chinese food (I can't keep it down), so I'd not join in with this one.
If you opt for something like a plain boiled rice, you'll get a tepid bowl of rice

DizzyDucklings · 06/12/2025 11:58

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 11:09

I don’t think I am jumping down peoples throats at all actually, I’m replying to what people are asking me

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Not jumping down peoples throat at all. But it seems you have made up your mind regardless of what people are suggesting.

FlyingApple · 06/12/2025 11:59

Eat beforehand and just get something small.

You're there for the company presumably anyway.

Pickleslovesourdough · 06/12/2025 11:59

I don’t think it would be rude getting your own nice food. People are allowed to have choices in life and since when are we such people pleasers to eat something from somewhere that has bad ratings just to please other people. If you get ill would they be looking after you? Some people are so used to eating terrible food that you are seen as stuck up if you want fresh, nicer tasting food that has good ratings and more choices. If you can afford the more expensive option go for it. Especially if the food will be eaten at the same time…. I don’t see what the issue is. Also the person that is vegetarian doesn’t have to share with another 8 people! Because you’ll be left with nothing and you can’t eat their non vegetarian options!

WheresBillGrundyNow · 06/12/2025 11:59

Assuming the main point of going is to get to know his family/ make a good impression, personally I would rather give this particular type of gathering a swerve with some made up excuse than go and be fussy about the food.
I say this as someone with ocd around food - it never, ever goes down well to be fussy with food when you’re trying to make a good impression. It’s just the way it is.
My own siblings have different issues and it’s a pita trying to suit them. They are very vocal about their issues. I have always tried to hide mine. Over the years I’ve become more relaxed and expanded what I eat and in general get on with people a lot better. They are the opposite. That’s just my experience.

stichguru · 06/12/2025 12:00

You need to ask your boyfriend what he thinks his family will feel about this. They might welcome the suggestion to try somewhere new. They might not have realised that the hygiene ratings of the place they usually use are poor, and welcome it being brought to their attention before they get food poisoning. They might be quite excited by the idea of trying somewhere new. Or they might be very sympathetic to your obvious struggles and be happy to change or for you to get food from somewhere else. Or they might think you were insulting their choices and hate you forever for doing so.

MargaretThursday · 06/12/2025 12:00

OneBookTooMany · 06/12/2025 11:54

@Christmas20
I would not eat food from anywhere that I actually knew had a low hygiene rating and I would take a different view of people who did.

It would make me think that they too were dirty sods-a bit lax about hygiene themselves.

There is no way that I would have food from that takeaway or eat it it in the dirty bugger's house.

Develop a headache at about 3.30, one which will entail you having a lie down at about 4.30 and one which sadly develops into one that means you can't go anywhere.

Let them enjoy their germ and faeces packed meal. You stay at home and have some toast.

Why don't you phone them up and say this to them. It'll stop the awkwardness of them suspecting you are thinking this and they can know not to invite you in future. Then you won't have to worry about it again.

I assume people like this don't know too much about the inspections. It's a snapshot of one day, and you can guess when abouts they're coming often.
So those with a 5 rating may well have had a couple of weeks of being careful...

Cucy · 06/12/2025 12:01

Honestly, I would make my excuses and not go.

The main part of the evening is ordering and eating the takeaway and I think you risk making a bad impression by needing to be different.

I do understand your reasons and if it was good friends or family then I wouldn’t see an issue.
But I think this will end up badly for you so I personally would just avoid it completely and spend time with them more doing other things for a while.

ClassicBBQ · 06/12/2025 12:01

Personally I wouldn't mind at all. I have a DSIS who needs to order from specific places due to dietary needs, and a DS with emetophobia so I'm used to dealing with anxiety around restaurants. If someone was coming to my house I'd want them to feel as comfortable as possible.

Keroppi · 06/12/2025 12:03

No. Just eat before you go and have for example
Spicy chips
Egg fried rice
Vegetables in a black bean sauce or similar
Veggie spring rolls

Sorted. Don't make yourself out a drama queen

Coffeeishot · 06/12/2025 12:03

I would also cancel if this was me, it would just be far too awkward, for everyone, I know other posters are saying "i wouldn't mind" but i think in reality there would be a weird atmosphere about it.

Moltenpink · 06/12/2025 12:05

In your shoes I would order chips (zero risk of food poisoning) with another dish, get your partner on board and ask her to eat some of the other dish and you just have mostly chips. No one would notice and it doesn’t draw attention to yourself. I am a massive people pleaser though!

Friendlygingercat · 06/12/2025 12:06

Everyone is making a mountain out of a molehill. In her place I would not ask beforehand but just press ahead. Op has already explained in one response that the two restaurants are in the same street and they are picking up the food rather than having it delivered. Therefore it seems little extra trouble to collect her veggie dishes from the other restaurant and pay herself. OP can announce that she has brought in her own (because of lack of chice at the other restaurant) but dd a couple of generic dishes for others to help themselves. Its not as though she is causing major inconvenience for the other guests. They will in the future remember that she is a veggie and make sure there are some attractive options for her.

itsthetea · 06/12/2025 12:06

I would not see it as rude - just say you really like one. More than the other and you can still eat together

it’s kind of stupid to insist people order from the same place when it’s a takeaway.

LLJETO · 06/12/2025 12:07

Bloody hell, how uptight are some of you lot? I wouldn’t think it was rude at all if I was the OP’s hosts.

And as for ‘imposing this on other people’ - how exactly?! It’s not inconveniencing anyone else in any way, especially if OP is picking up and paying for it. Not to mention the fact that OCD and phobias of this sort of thing are not taken as serious issues. I bet if OP said she had issues with food due to a condition like autism, there’d be at least a bit more empathy.

Maybe it’s because I also have OCD (not related to germs/food before anyone accuses me of being awkward like OP), that I have a bit more compassion.

I appreciate there is the potential that the family will be judgemental towards OP for it if they knew, but that’s more a reflection on them. That said, OP, if it’s possible to hide the fact yours is from the other place then that might be worth a go. Good luck.

OneBookTooMany · 06/12/2025 12:08

MargaretThursday · 06/12/2025 12:00

Why don't you phone them up and say this to them. It'll stop the awkwardness of them suspecting you are thinking this and they can know not to invite you in future. Then you won't have to worry about it again.

I assume people like this don't know too much about the inspections. It's a snapshot of one day, and you can guess when abouts they're coming often.
So those with a 5 rating may well have had a couple of weeks of being careful...

Show quote history

I don't care if it's a snapshot of one hour!

Also @Christmas20 has said its reviews bear its muckiness out!

junglejunglebear · 06/12/2025 12:08

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 11:06

I haven’t mentioned it yet so I don’t know, my partner is usually quite supportive though and knows how I feel about food and stuff, so I imagine they would be supportive about it regardless of how their family felt about it. The other place is quite expensive, so I wouldn’t want them all to switch to that takeaway just on my account. We are collecting the food and the places are on the same road so it wouldn’t be too much of an issue

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I am the same with food (I've got endometriosis in my bowel and I have to be really careful) so I get where you're coming from, but seriously, this could be sorted with a 2 minute conversation with your partner. It's easy.

'Please can you have a chat with your family about ordering from this other place so I have more choice'

is completely reasonable and normal.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 06/12/2025 12:08

MissyMooPoo2 · 06/12/2025 11:07

You’re jumping down people’s throats just on this thread. Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t want them.

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Where did OP jump down someone's throat? I haven't read anything like that. It's just a comment 🤷🏼‍♂️ sorry to invalidate your comment though.

OP speak to your DP sooner the better.
If they're already understanding of your health and hygiene food situation then you have nothing to lose.
I'm sure his family won't be offended.

As it's only a takeaway and not a sit down restaurant meal I don't see the big deal in your wanting to get your food from somewhere else. You're a vegetarian, there's not much on offer at the Chinese they use and you're concerned that food will affect your stomach due to stomach issues.

Have a lovely time with your DP and their family

dammit88 · 06/12/2025 12:08

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend as he will know better how they are likely to react. I can see that some people would see it was rude. I think you might come across as being funny with food if they don't know you well and could create a slightly off impression of you. But it shouldn't be difficult to talk to your boyfriend about it!

Fdsew · 06/12/2025 12:09

I would avoid it completely until you feel better able for this situation.

StrongTea · 06/12/2025 12:09

Order from the other place, pick it up, mark it veggie, put it in along with the other food. Don’t mention it, no-one will care

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