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Original poster

Would this be rude?

510 replies

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

OP posts:
justpassmethemouse · 06/12/2025 12:09

It would be unreasonable to insist that everyone orders from your preferred restaurant.

But I don’t think it’s rude if you bring your own takeaway. It’s not like you’re turning down their homemade cooking for it. Would your partner order from the same one as you?

Catpiece · 06/12/2025 12:10

I wouldn’t mind. I’d rather you felt comfortable whilst at my home x

SpinandSing · 06/12/2025 12:11

This thread just reveals how horrible so many people are.

OP - you do you, you know what is right for you and what a stupid thing for people to criticise you for. Normal loving families would accept whatever it is that you want to do - you're not changing what they're doing and you're doing something that is physically and mentally right for you. Don't over explain, just say the vegetarian choice thing and make as little comment and fuss as possible. Your dp is supportive and that's all you need. The family will need to get used to you and be accepting of who and what you are. All too often we try and bend ourselves to suit others...it's pointless and just leads to unstable, unhappy relationships. Just be you and order the food you can eat and will enjoy. It's more important that you're happy and relaxed than stressing about food.

Wynter25 · 06/12/2025 12:11

People are weird on here. Wouldnt bother me.

ginasevern · 06/12/2025 12:12

"I also suffer from stomach issues so a lot of what’s on the menu could potentially cause a flare up."

But surely that goes for any Chinese food. Even if there are more options, it's all going to be basically the same. Peppers, onions, mushrooms etc in some kind of Chinese type sauce.

LadyRoughDiamond · 06/12/2025 12:12

You’re putting too much emphasis here on your food preferences. You’re going along to spend time with your partner’s family, to get to know them, to show your partner that you value the people that he values.

Just eat something before you go, then order some appropriate sides to pick at. As time goes on and you all get to know each other there’ll be a perfect time to suggest other takeaways. For now, it’s about being flexible fitting into your partner’s family.

bigsoftcocks · 06/12/2025 12:13

So much drip feeding here. We’ve gone from its fine to vegetarian, emetophobia, stomach issues, OCD and other phobias.

none of that’s an issue specifically at but it doesn’t seems to be a great idea to attend. It sounds like any meal out could be tricky for you not just the Chinese. I am not judging- I was you in my 20s due to EDs but you need to advocate for yourself.

if I was you, I’d have just said up front when it was mentioned.

“oh goodness no Chinese for me. Gives me terrible stomach acid. I’ll join your family for a meal another time”

it’s a bit late now as assume they think you’re going ?

id go with last minute headache
to not attend. And preferably get your partner onboard first or this situation could arise again.

A meal with a partner’s family for the first time is stressful enough without all the things you’ll be concerned about. Do yourself a favour and skip it

CherrieTomaties · 06/12/2025 12:13

@Christmas20 in my family it wouldn’t be seen as rude at all.

We regularly have takeaway nights and different people order from different places.

People who see it as “rude” are weirdos.

AhBiscuits · 06/12/2025 12:14

Yes it would be incredibly rude. You can eat a few noodles or something and put up with it for one night.

usedtobeaylis · 06/12/2025 12:14

I don't think it would be rude at all. Sometimes when we're having a family takeaway someone won't fancy what we're having and will order something different, and sometimes I take my own food if I'm having a flare-up of some things that takeaway food tends to exacerbate. As long as we're all eating together nobody gives a fuck.

Whatwouldnanado · 06/12/2025 12:15

It’s one meal. Messing about now will make other people uncomfortable therefore yes rude. Order some rice and stir fry veg or something and enjoy the night. Focus off the food and on the interesting new people.

MILLYmo0se · 06/12/2025 12:16

I don't see any issue with you bringing or collection your own food. If you were asking other people to pay for or collect your food or messing up the timings of the meal together that would be different but this I wouldn't care in the slightest. The mark of a good host is to allow your guests to be comfortable and this takes zero effort on the hosts part in this situation. Just have your partner explain it to the family that your stomachs a bit sensitive and you know you can eat safely from this other place so that's what you'll do, if they are offended they are poor hosts and unwelcoming family members imo.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 06/12/2025 12:18

Honestly, i would order from elsewhere 😄

Otherwise you will be awkward and anxious all night

But maybe take some prawn crackers or something, and drink everything you're offered xx

Definitely do not ask them to consider ordering from your place instead!!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/12/2025 12:18

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

I don't think it would be rude at all.

somanychristmaslights · 06/12/2025 12:18

If your DP supportive, just speak to him about it. He’ll be able to advise if his family would care or not. You’re worrying without actually getting the facts first.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 06/12/2025 12:20

My family are relaxed so wouldn't bother us but if this is the first time you're meeting the family it may feel a bit awkward to do this.

I'd just eat beforehand and only eat a little bit while you're there. Chinese has plenty of mild vegetarian options so you'll find something you like surely.

frostiesandfog · 06/12/2025 12:21

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, I don’t know why everyone is saying it’s rude. You’re going to enjoy their company, aswell as a meal right - my Family wouldn't give it a seconds thought!

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 06/12/2025 12:21

It’s awkward to order from two places, what if the food arrives at different times etc. Perfectly reasonable options are a) get your partner to suggest ordering from your preferred place as there are much better veggie options or b) eat beforehand and then just stick to picking at ‘safe things’, it’s doubtful anyone would notice if you ate nothing at all. Do not mention food hygiene ratings AT ALL or at least until you know them all better!

BeepBoopBop · 06/12/2025 12:21

What a bunch of bloody weirdos! “Christmas is going to order her own from the Golden Chopsticks, she’s a veggie and they have more choice”. Okay, that’s fine - we are picking ours up from The Filthy Wok at 8, if that works? THAT is how real life works.

Coffeeishot · 06/12/2025 12:21

I don't understand if you have so many issues around eating and food you agreed to go and eat food ?

gamerchick · 06/12/2025 12:21

I don't think I'd care tbh OP. The best person to ask is your bloke though.

KarmenPQZ · 06/12/2025 12:23

I think it’s fine if you get ahead of it. Either on the what’s ap group before on when you arrive ‘sorry guys I’ve got some dietry requirements so I’m going to order from this place. I’m happy to order for anyone else too if you want to look at the menus here’ (only if you are happy to order for others obviously).

but if yours arrives before you need to wait to eat it. And if it arrives after def do a ‘of course you all start without me’

PrincessHoneysuckle · 06/12/2025 12:23

I'd just order boiled rice,chips and a veg curry to save making an issue

OlivePeer · 06/12/2025 12:25

I can't even begin to understand what's rude about this. You're not rejecting food they're cooking, and if you phrase it as being about there being more vegetarian options available, it's not even like you're pointing out that it's weird that they don't mind eating from a place with a low hygiene rating (I wouldn't eat from there either). You still get the shared experience of eating together. How could it possibly be seen as rude? It's much ruder to create an expectation that other adults have to eat what you want them to eat, even though they could just as easily order from somewhere else, with no impact on them whatsoever.

ChampagneLassie · 06/12/2025 12:28

I think it would be way ruder to ask everyone to change. Absolutely don’t mention hygiene as an issue, but ask your partner to voice that you’ll get your own from other place as more veggie options and you have delicate stomach. Ive done this before as I don’t eat chili & I’ve never had anyone suggest it’s an issue. Obviously on night if yours arrives first you wait for theirs so you’re eating together