Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

Me neither!

Honestly, I wouldn't make a big thing of it. Get your partner to pick up the takeaway - and order what you want from the other place. Perhaps get him to let them know in advance that you have some dietary issues/flareups - and you've got some "safe"/eaten before dishes, so you'll just have those and then you don't have to worry.

I wouldn't be remotely offended - it's all about eating together. Not eating the same food.

Yes, it would be rude. I’m also vegetarian but when I’m invited to a restaurant or getting a takeaway at someone else’s house who I don’t yet know that well, I ‘suck it up’ and order chips or veg spring rolls, etc.

@Christmas20 I don't know if you are still reading this thread and I wouldn't blame you if you aren't.
My ex used to have similar phobias and my family did think they were a PITA but this was largely because of how ex behaved in the situation. Ex would get stressed, stamp feet, want to cancel / never agree to go to family things, blame it all on me and put me in the middle of it to make excuses for their behaviour. My family thought Ex behaved like an absolute brat and naturally assumed ex did not like them.
It sounds to me like you provided a good alternative which did not cause anyone any bother, you planned to discuss it with your partner beforehand and you were prepared to communicate with the family yourself re: vegetarian options etc. If they think you are a PITA under those circumstances, it is about them and not you.
Also, I commend you on facing your issues and embarking on / sticking with therapy. Again, something that my Ex would not consider. I'm very sorry to hear that you suffered such abuse in the past and it is good that you have escaped that situation and re-built your life.

Yup. Vegetarianism is a choice, and I say this as someone who is a vegetarian.

YANBU.
The thought of ordering food I don't like (limited choice) from a place with questionable hygiene is pretty horrendous to my mind too. As this is the first time you've done 'takeaway night' however I'd be tempted to go along with it, order very little, and eat pretty much nothing. (Eat before you join them). If 'takeaway night' happens again you can then do what you said-explain that there is a better selection of veggie food at the takeaway of your choice and order yourself from there. They'll have seen that you gave their takeaway a go and it didn't work for you. It's unfortunate if they take offence at that, but tbh going forward.. your stomach, your rules.

Very rude... There would be a lot of options for a veggie, if you're really scared of eating from a 3 star place, chips and a curry sauce would keep you included.

This.

I can't understand why there are so many people on here saying it would be rude to order separately, or even bring her own dish with her.
It's a shared meal - not some sort of endurance test ffs.

But she would still be included. She'd still be socialising with them and eating, just not from the same takeaway. Why is that such a big deal to be deemed rude?

We’re a chill and relaxed house. My kids have always felt comfortable having their friends here and their gf’s were made to feel welcome from their first visit. Yes we were the ‘fun’ house for their friends growing up. 😁 I can’t relate at all to the all social uptightness on this thread.

When my son’s gf came to stay, the first time I’d met her, she didn’t like an ingredient I’d put in the stew. My son told me and I just scooped out the ingredient before serving it up. Not once did I think she was rude, I found her lovely. I’ve always fostered open, honest communication in my family.

Both my son’s gf’s have food issues, one is medical, one is psychological. I’d have to be the potential mil from hell if I was offended or felt slighted by their food preferences.

That's part of being a vegetarian. Not long ago there would have been none, or one option. Accept you are the minority. Appreicate that small menus = better quality. Respect your partners family and friends. You are joining them, this isn't and shouldn't be about you.

Good for you, but this scenario is different.

Just bring your own, explain you have a very sensitive stomach, and honestly people shouldn't dwell on it any more than that, unless they want to be nasty. There's no need to be shy and retiring about it. Be assertive and friendly, thats all.
If anyone speaks out about it there taking the piss.

Odd to not eat from a restaurant with 3* hygiene???

Why is getting her own food, that in no way impacts them, making things "about her"? The levels of pointless people-pleasing some posters expect stuns me.

Yes it sounds grim to be fair. Having learned more about the back story I actually thjnk it’s probably best for OP to either bring her own food or order her own. Explaining as one póster has suggested that she’s got a sensitive stomach or is currently on a special diet might help remove any awkwardness.

My DD12 has emetophobia (unsure where it came from, but suspect linked to ND). Worryingly, she has already noticed food hygiene ratings outside restaurants. If she thought any food would put her at any risk whatsoever, there's no way she'd eat it. It can be a debilitating phobia, OP, so I sympathise. If it were me and having to sort out similar on DD's behalf, I'd probably mention the phobia in advance (but not the star rating lest it sounds critical, nor too much background - I think most people accept phobias as not always logical) and say you don't want to put anyone to any trouble, so would it be ok if you order something from down the road and jump in with whoever's going to collect? If they're nice people, they'll understand. Or at least accept it graciously. Good luck 😊

It’s not rude at all! I would do it

Well done OP. I love the part in your post about not making yourself small on purpose to fit in.

I hope you have a lovely evening. Enjoy your Chinese x

Of course it isnt rude!!! Cant you talk to your partner and ask them to just ordered from the other one cos you have more options? That would be so easy and no fuss at all. Do not eat from a three star restaurant!! They won’t keep the veggie and meat separate

I don’t see it as an issue at all OP. Why would they take offence? They’re not cooking the food! If my child brought a partner to take away night and the partner explained they’re going to order something from elsewhere because of dietary requirements, I would not be offended at all. Would likely offer to pay and order for them because I’m welcoming them into my home and would want them to feel comfortable. People are far too quick to take offence over something they shouldn’t.

Personally, I don't see what the fuss is about. I have been in similar situations and ordered from other food outlets that have a better choice for vegans, especially if those outlets are close to each other, it makes no difference to anyone else. Everyone gets to eat what they want. Everyone eats their own choice or shares with others if they're in agreement.

As long as it's discussed beforehand, I think all you'd need to say is that the other place has choices you'd prefer, as you know those won't upset your stomach, so you'll order yours from there and collect at the same time.

No-one's ever made any comment about it, especially if what they've order would really cause me issues due to ingredients I'm sensitive or allergic to. I'm amazed so many pp's think this would be rude.