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Original poster

Would this be rude?

510 replies

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

OP posts:
BrendaSmall · 08/12/2025 19:56

Food ratings from the scores on the doors issued by local authorities isn’t just to do with the hygiene standards it’s to do with their paperwork and record keeping’s too.
if it’s reviews left by customers a majority of them isn’t genuine, sometimes other places get customers to put on negative reviews on their competitors website

LemonDrizzleKay · 08/12/2025 20:03

Christmas20 · 08/12/2025 08:55

I think this will be my last post because I feel like some of the more antagonistic posters are trying to take the thread in a different direction and just trying to get a kick out of it 🫣

To summarise - after reading everyone’s comments;

I have emetophobia because I was in an extremely abusive relationship (which almost killed me) in my early 20’s. I came down with severe norovirus on his birthday one year and “ruined the day” for him which lead to me being abused and threatened. It made me absolutely petrified of becoming unwell again in fear of getting the same reaction which has then caused issues around food as a result. I am in therapy but the abuse was chronic, unfortunately it’s not that easy for your brain to just switch that off and be normal again.

After reading this thread - in future, I am going to order exactly what I want and from where I want and if any of them have an issue with that, think I’m difficult or a PITA (as some people on this thread have said) then so be it because if that’s the case, maybe I don’t want to socialise with people like that anyway 🤷‍♀️ I shouldn’t have to starve myself, eat beforehand or push chips around a plate to make everyone else feel comfortable and make myself small on purpose to fit in.

As before, thank you for the lovely people on this thread who have been supportive and offered really helpful advice, it’s made me feel a lot more confident about making decisions for myself going forward 💐

Edited

Well done. You sound stronger, which is great. I hope you enjoy your meal.

What happened to you was horrendous, but many people (including me) have to make food choices that have absolutely nothing to do with anybody else. I remember someone talking on the radio about how she went blind because she had diabetes and couldn't find it in herself to say no when people offered her this and that. So, she went blind for the sake of not being seen to be a pita.

BigSkies2022 · 08/12/2025 20:18

Well, I would eat beforehand so I wasn’t hungry, order a very vanilla rice and vegetables dish, pick discreetly at it, and focus on making really sparkling conversation with the other guests so nobody noticed what I wasn’t or was not eating. I would just sort of vanish from the scene, OP.

Upthehill32156 · 08/12/2025 20:25

Christmas20 · 08/12/2025 08:55

I think this will be my last post because I feel like some of the more antagonistic posters are trying to take the thread in a different direction and just trying to get a kick out of it 🫣

To summarise - after reading everyone’s comments;

I have emetophobia because I was in an extremely abusive relationship (which almost killed me) in my early 20’s. I came down with severe norovirus on his birthday one year and “ruined the day” for him which lead to me being abused and threatened. It made me absolutely petrified of becoming unwell again in fear of getting the same reaction which has then caused issues around food as a result. I am in therapy but the abuse was chronic, unfortunately it’s not that easy for your brain to just switch that off and be normal again.

After reading this thread - in future, I am going to order exactly what I want and from where I want and if any of them have an issue with that, think I’m difficult or a PITA (as some people on this thread have said) then so be it because if that’s the case, maybe I don’t want to socialise with people like that anyway 🤷‍♀️ I shouldn’t have to starve myself, eat beforehand or push chips around a plate to make everyone else feel comfortable and make myself small on purpose to fit in.

As before, thank you for the lovely people on this thread who have been supportive and offered really helpful advice, it’s made me feel a lot more confident about making decisions for myself going forward 💐

Edited

I'm glad you've come to this conclusion OP.

The phrase that comes to mind is "you do you". I can't see why choosing your own food from another venue is an issue for anyone else. You're still there for the social occasion what does it matter what food you have or where it's from? Like you say if someone takes issue with this then really it's their problem, not yours, and who wants to hang out with such petty people?

Hope any future occasions go well and you're able to enjoy the evening with food you enjoy from a place that feels safe.

Take care x

Yourlifeinyourhands · 08/12/2025 20:38

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 21:48

Why would they do that? I wouldn’t do that to either of my son’s gfs? In fact the first time I met one of them she came to stay for a few days. She didn’t like one of the ingredients I put in the stew on the very first night, so I picked them out for her before putting out her plate. No annoyance, or talking about her behind her back. She told my son after she had a lovely time as her family are very argumentative so it was an eye opener to be with a family so chill.

Show quote history

Because from what she’s said they sound like they’re quite stuck in their ways!

Booboobagins · 08/12/2025 22:26

No it wouldn't be rude if you said you'd found a great place and shared the menu with them ahead of time. . If they want to avoid tummy issues, they'll follow suit.

If they insist, I'd take my own food and say I'm on a diet.

pineapplecrushed · 08/12/2025 22:49

starve yourself?
Come on. It's possibly not having exactly what you want for one evening meal so that it's not awkward. You are sounding quite entitled. This is a problem these days, people think that they shouldn't be inconvenienced iota for the benefit of something else. Invoking mental health trauma as some sort of catch all for behaviour.

ProfessorBinturong · 09/12/2025 00:10

Yourlifeinyourhands · 08/12/2025 20:38

Because from what she’s said they sound like they’re quite stuck in their ways!

Show quote history

Where? I can't see that she's said anything at all about them apart from the fact they have regular takeaway evenings and like Chinese food. It's many of the posters on this thread who are stuck in their ways.

SuperFishy · 09/12/2025 19:42

tldl: I'm going against what seems to be the consensus that it's rude. I'd 100% speak to them beforehand, or ask your partner to, explaining your issues and order from your place. They may change their minds if their takeaways ratings are mentioned.

Laura989 · 10/12/2025 17:28

The ones who think this is rude are infact the ones who are high maintenance and PITA.

Live and let live. It's a take away. Anyone who can be in a grump because you ordered from a take away just up the road that have more things you like - and could actually find reason to be offended by this have way too much time on their hands.

It's literally a ooooh Chinese, lovely! I'm going to order from X up the road though because they have more vegetarian options. I can pick it up on the way, let me know if you want me to stop by and collect yours too. Does anyone else want to look at the menu before I go?

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