Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

I don't think it would be rude.
You could just say something like you've been thinking of Chinese since it's been mentioned and really fancied a certain dish on the other menu that theirs doesn't have.
Nothing about the hygiene etc ...

It wouldn't bother me at all.

Obviously the OP’s dietary requirements and comfort are the most important thing? I’m baffled anyone would think otherwise and wouldn’t hesitate to order my own thing in her situation. I wouldn’t feel the need to ask advice on MN beforehand either because it wouldn’t even cross my mind anyone would have a problem. And if they did, that is their issue to deal with.

They are welcome to try mine too? When did I say they couldn’t?

You didn’t. Comprehension…

I was asking about the scenario. What if everyone wants a spoon of your vegetarian noodles and leaves you with very little to eat. How will you feel about it?

I find it extremely strange that you’ve chosen that to fixate on considering the fact that there will be 8-9 other people there ordering food that they can share between them. What a weird thing to mention.

That never happens when one person is veggie and the rest are omnivores. The vegetarian keeps her own food.

OP, in my many years of scoffing Chinese takeaway as a vegetarian, I have never come across one that won't do a bean curd version of the main dishes. They often don't mention on the menu in my parents' small town takeaway, but they do it.

On food hygiene, I agree with you, I never go to anywhere rated 3 or under. But it's chicken or rice that are the biggest risks, so order a veggie noodle dish and you'll be fine.

TBH they sound rude and inconsiderate, and actually a bit bonkers or scabby to order from somewhere with only a 3* hygiene rating. Bleurgh. YANDBU to get your own, and who cares if they think it's rude? If they do then they aren't worth bothering with or gaining the good opinion of anyway.

It would be rude, but I also wouldn’t eat from there. I’d speak to your DP and explain, and work out a different solution

That would be rude. Your hosts have invited you so to say their choices aren’t good enough is disrespectful. Don’t order elsewhere, you won’t come across well and it’ll likely offend them.
So you can either eat beforehand so you’re not hungry and just have a few token items so you can eat something. Or just order starters which are veggie. Plenty of people prefer Chinese starter to main courses so that won’t look as odd.
Or choose from the wide range of Chinese foods that don’t contain meat as PP’s have said.
You’re risking coming across as entitled and difficult otherwise when you’ve been invited to spend time and share a meal with people. They’re the hosts, they get to choose where they order from.

I’m afraid that you are coming across as “that girlfriend”. Why don’t you just order a couple of dishes that you can eat off their menu this time and perhaps suggest another place next time. For the first takeaway night, I probably wouldn’t be making so much fuss.

That’s not their fault though, is it?

Would you not also worry about cross-contamination? If it's going to be a free-for-all from the dishes on the table I doubt there'll be enough serving spoons etc.

You ordering from somewhere else absolutely wouldn’t bother me if I was hosting.

It would be a problem if ordering from two places makes the logistics harder - 2 pick ups, or waiting for the second delivery.

Personally, and I don’t have emetephobia, I’d pick up my own food on the way over and microwave it to fit in with the main delivery timings.

My family, DH’s family, and my friends would all be absolutely fine with me bringing my own food and microwaving it,

Not fixated. Have raised other points and questions too.

You are coming across as a tad inflexible. I’m out. Have a lovely evening.

I wouldn’t want to eat from somewhere that has a bad food rating and reviews saying people have been ill.

If the restaurants are on the same road then just pop to the other one. I would talk to your partner though as maybe nobody realises how bad it is and you can all change.

This wouldn’t bother me. Can’t stand Chinese food, I think because as a vegetarian I’ve too often had bits of chicken in the veg dishes - long time ago but even thinking about it now puts me off.
im often the fussy eater on some kind of fad diet but i try find the balance between joining in for the social expectations but there are red lines (Chinese takeaway for me) for example don’t like cheap pizza places but i’d eat that to be social.
but also as a host id want everyone happy, and if that means ordering from 3 places that would be fine with me

If you were visiting me I would want to order you something you would enjoy, even if that meant ordering from somewhere else just for you so if you ordered it yourself in order to not put me out I'd think you were a very considerate person and I'd also feel a bit guilty that I didn't order it for you.

I wouldn't make a fuss about it and just order something like a veg chow mein or spring rolls. Say your not feeling too hungry

The issue is they are ordering from a place that has a three rating. And to be fair, I would not eat from such a place. A three rating is quite grim.
Talk to your boyfriend. Do not assume his parents have ever ordered from the place before. Or know the rating score.
It is simply a hygiene concern along with lack of choice.
You will not enjoy yourself if you think you might get food poisoning.

It’s one meal.

You just have to suck it up and not make other people feel awkward around you who have kindly invited you over

Eat beforehand and then order something you can pick at. Perhaps take something for pudding.

It’s a social occasion with your partner’s family, so the food doesn’t really matter, imo. You don’t have to eat very much of it.

I am not a fan of Chinese food and I also have gastritis that can flare.

In a hosting situation I'll happily join in the Chinese takeaway pot luck, and avoid the trigger foods but enjoy some chips, rice and prawn crackers. No one cares. It's a communal thing and to make a fuss is just painful for everyone.

You will find something OP. A portion of chips won't make you sick.

OP, if you are in therapy, then you know that you have a problem - it would be rude to impose this on other people.
I'm sure you know that the vast majority of us never check food hygiene ratings - it would never cross my mind - so this would be a great position for you to work towards.
Just have a sandwich before you go out to their house, and then you can simply eat rice and veggie spring rolls when the takeaway arrives.
Be super-polite and grateful at all times.

Yes it would be rude. Just request a vegetarian dish.

Most food in restaurants is cooked in far more hygienic conditions than a domestic kitchen! Even the lower ratings have higher standards than home cooking. higher