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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 05/12/2025 22:32

I would want her to pay for all of it! What a stupid thing to do!

Theslummymummy · 05/12/2025 22:35

Could you not eat the cake? I wouldn't be paying for a favour I did you, no.

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 22:36

I’d probably drift away from the friendship. Little by little I’d distance myself. She obs has no common sense to know how to efficiently stabilise a delicate cake in the rear of a moving vehicle. Silly woman.

NameChanger20252 · 05/12/2025 22:41

Realistically, I wouldn’t ask for a payment because let’s face it, if she felt any guilt she would have immediately offered. If you ask, you’re not going to get any money anyway so why bother? If it were me, I’d lose a lot of respect for her firstly for being so careless and secondly for not offering any money. For that, I’d have to distance myself at least for the time being whilst I decided if I still wanted to be friends.

If this was a one off, I’d let it go. A pattern of behavior, maybe less likely to let it go.

EchoedSilence · 05/12/2025 22:42

Really?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 05/12/2025 22:43

Ffs you're being ridiculous

Anywherebuthere · 05/12/2025 22:45

YABU.

There's always a risk that anything can happen when something like this is being transported. She tried to help but it went slightly wrong.

The cake was still edible and served.

The photos of it will lead to a funny conversation subject in future.

But you want to risk your friendship by being so petty and charging for it. It won't change the photos but there will very likely be no friendship left.

donaldtrumponlyhasonedancemove · 05/12/2025 22:45

This reply has been deleted

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Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 22:45

You had cake and it was eaten and enjoyed and it was an expense you clearly bore alone in the first instance perfectly willingly.

If she’s right and the cake was about to fall and she instinctively grabbed the cake on top and damaged the icing, surely that’s better than the cake sliding into the car footwell??

Either way, you were willing to buy the cake, she did you a favour transporting it and doesn’t owe you anything.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 05/12/2025 22:46

I think as it was still eaten I wouldn’t be asking her for compensation but I wouldn’t trust her with anything ever again.

nomas · 05/12/2025 22:46

I would just block and delete her, what a twat.

Sahara123 · 05/12/2025 22:46

Just before my eldest was christened a friend came round with her toddler. I’d been icing the christening cake and had left it with a beautifully smooth coat of icing on the middle of my dining table, out of reach, or so I thought of the toddler. My friend was mortified when we noticed a perfect toddler sized hand print right in the middle ! I just replanned my decorations and made little flowers to cover it.
I honestly don’t think I could blame your friend, probably a panic reaction when she thought the cake was going was to grab at it, or maybe it slid in the box. I’m sure it tasted great, And your grandad a lovely time.

Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 22:47

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 22:36

I’d probably drift away from the friendship. Little by little I’d distance myself. She obs has no common sense to know how to efficiently stabilise a delicate cake in the rear of a moving vehicle. Silly woman.

Bit harsh! None of us would have any friends left if we distanced ourselves over every tiny silly thing they did when trying to help us out and do us a favour 😳

Lamentingalways · 05/12/2025 22:49

Photo?

TappyGilmore · 05/12/2025 22:51

The bakery didn’t package the cake properly. Why would they have put it in an open top box? I have only ever bought cakes which are packaged well in boxes so wouldn’t need holding in a car in the first place, and probably wouldn’t be damaged by someone stopping it from falling in transit.

So it’s not your friend’s fault. But you should have complained about the packaging when you picked it up, not after the cake was damaged.

Oftenaddled · 05/12/2025 22:52

If you're not planning to replace the cake, you're not out of pocket. So you'd just be fining her, to punish her, not asking her to contribute to a solution. That's no way to treat someone who has messed up a bit while doing you a favour.

CookieCrumbles23 · 05/12/2025 22:55

I’m confused, what would she be paying for? You all ate the cake, right? If she damaged your top or something I can understand. Are you really expecting money because you couldn’t take a picture? She wasn’t using her common sense, but honestly OP, I don’t get your thinking either.

PeonyPatch · 05/12/2025 22:56

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 22:36

I’d probably drift away from the friendship. Little by little I’d distance myself. She obs has no common sense to know how to efficiently stabilise a delicate cake in the rear of a moving vehicle. Silly woman.

Is this sarcasm?

you’d genuinely distance yourself from a friendship over cake?

summitfever · 05/12/2025 22:57

Are you Colin McRae? Why was the cake even in danger of falling? I’d have sat the cake on the passenger seat in a proper cardboard or xl Tupperware type storage box with the seatbelt round it and driven home like your 90 year old granny. Far more stable than giving it to someone to hold in a flimsy cake box. Bad planning and execution on your part I’m afraid, I’m sure she did her best.

Original poster
PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

OP posts:
GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 23:01

If someone was doing me a fairly massive favour, as your friend was, I wouldn't dream of expecting her to pay up for something that was just a minor accident that made little real difference. It's not as if you had to throw the cake away, after all. You should have asked the bakery for a proper box for the purposes of transporting the cake.

Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 23:02

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

Even so, it’s a cake. I wouldn’t lose a friend over a cake full stop. Even if she stomped on the thing.

50Balesofgrey · 05/12/2025 23:02

EchoedSilence · 05/12/2025 22:42

Really?

Quite

Autumngirl5 · 05/12/2025 23:02

🎂😂😂

Original poster
PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:02

Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 23:02

Even so, it’s a cake. I wouldn’t lose a friend over a cake full stop. Even if she stomped on the thing.

Show quote history

If your friend deliberately stomped on a cake you wouldn’t be angry?

OP posts: