To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

[PuffPastry84]

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

I would honestly think that wa deliberate! Usually those open top boxes come up higher than the cake. It wouldn't be a natural movement to put you hand on top of a cake like that. Wasn't her hand covered in frosting? Wierd.

When I was getting married I'd made my own wedding cake, took 2 days. Asked mum to hold it on the drive, in a box obvs. She was adamant she wasn't putting her hands on it. Everytine I braked or turned it wobbled and I shouted "hold the cake!" Ended up taking it off her and giving it to my cousin when a car in front made me brake slightly harshly and it nearly ended in the footwell. One side of the buttercream was smushed. I was so so angry.

It's not hard to hold something. It's malicious compliance at best to not.do it properly and cause it to get damaged.

Firstly the cake co had some responsibility it needs a box with one of those pieces of card with a circular whole in to keep it in place and a lid.

its reasonable to be annoyed at her and her so what there’s a hand in the cake attitude is rubbish. Was it deliberate? I honestly can’t imagine someone that stupid.
I would be reconsidering the friendship, mainly because of how she was afterwards

Anyone who puts their hand on the top of a cake to stabilise it in a car journey has got to be thick as mince.

I wouldn’t expect her to pay anything but I also wouldn’t rely on her for any common sense tasks in future.

Also I wouldn't really want to eat a cake that someone has slapped their hand in the buttercream. When people are baking they're washing their hands. You've come out of a shop. She's touched door handles and the car door and her phone then smushed all that bacteria into the buttercream 🤢 gross. And I bake with a toddler.

If the side was smushed from that force, you didn't have it attached properly to the appropriate cake board. That would never happen to one of my cakes. The box is the perfect size for the board, cake firmly attached to the board. The cake can't move and hit the side of the box when fitted and fixed appropriately.

it is batshit someone would lose a friend over cake. Or get this angry with their friend who came with you to hold stuff etc (by your own admission). I’ve taught my children from age two that you can’t be angry over an accident!!! I think your friendship is over anyway op, but you need to calm down. It’s cake, ye ate it.

Not sure what distance you had to travel but I've carried a couple of cakes long distances in cars over the years without incident. That's because I actually held them in their boxes and didn't mess around on my phone!
Previous poster absolutely right to say she should pay for the whole cake. Doubt she'll pay but you're absolutely right to be p*ed off with her. Yes friendship is worth reconsidering in light of this behaviour.....i

Your friend is either as thick as shit or not your friend. Either way I’d dump her.

Rachel deliberately damaged the cake?

A baker would give you instructions on how to transport a cake.

It should be placed in the footwell not held.

What exactly would you do with the money you’ve asked for?

Another CF.

Well it seems OP this is a perfect example that you can't have your cake and eat it too....

If "a friend" tried to charge me for this, I'd bill them for giving up my time to help them out, and you can bet my bill would be bigger.

No I wouldn't ask her to pay because it would be very unforgiving towards my friend. Although knowing my friends, I'd expect that they would be more apologetic and less defensive and indifferent to what had happened. Sound like this isn't much for a friendship if this is how you've both acted.

Can we see a photo of the £42.50 worth of damage

The whole thing tipped over as it slipped off her knee. She had it right on the edge of her knee with her hands clasped between her body and the cake. I don't know what she was thinking but frankly if I hadn't taken it off her I'd have ended up throwing it at her.

Well as they say in management, you can delegate tasks, but you can't delegate responsibility - so the monetary hit is on you.

You could consider it the price of learning that, if this all went down as you say it did, this person is not your friend.

I still think that is your fault as that's not how you transport cakes (on someone's lap). On the floor, solidly placed in the boot so it can't move, those are the usual ways. The cake wasn't handled correctly during transport.

Did the hand print make the cake any less edible? She doesn't owe you any money. I doubt she will be offering to help in the future with all this carry on.

Well she’s an idiot to have stuck her hand in it but try and imagine what it would look like after it’s been eaten just before you flush the toilet to help get a bit of perspective. It’s going to look a lot worse. Will you expect the eaters to pay for ruining it?

We were transporting my entire wedding in my car. There was no footwell spare. I didn't have an empty boot. It's not hard to hold a box. Like OP, if she were holding it properly and it still got damaged then that's unavoidable or my responsibility. If you don't even try to look after something and it gets damaged, its on you. It's not the damage that's upsetting. It's that someone who's supposed to give a shit has cared so little about something important to you that they haven't even tried to look after it. I'm asking you to sit on your arse with your hands on a box, it's not asking a lot.

I would be really pissed off, as well as stupid it's really grotty putting dirty hands on top of something people are going to eat!

Why did she insist on going along? Or it was even an option, to take friend on an errand? Was she at the party?
You are very trusting, I would have put it on the floor behind me in the car.

I wouldn't expect her to pay up. I would expect her to apologise.

For future cake carrying, put the cake in the box in the boot of the car . just make sure nothing can fall on it, and drive carefully and slowly round corners. I have transported all sorts of cakes like this and never had an accident.
never give a cake in a box to a person to carry.

I’m surprised at someone choosing to grab the cake instead of holding the box.

A lap isn't a stable place for cake transport, that's why it's not recommended, to avoid this kind of scenario. Two trips in the car or get someone else to move it.

I spent weeks making my daughter's wedding cake. You bet that was transported so that the only way it would have got damaged is in the event of a full on collision.