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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
jbm16 · 06/12/2025 00:17

Major overreaction, she's tried to help you, might not have gone to plan, but why the hell should she pay half, sounds like everyone still eat the cake...

Mwnci123 · 06/12/2025 00:19

I voted YABU because, although she is an idiot, you've no hope of recovering any money from her.

Dweetfidilove · 06/12/2025 00:22

🤣🤣🤣

Ancestress · 06/12/2025 00:22

What happened to the hand-print-size portion of icing she got from resting her hand on top of the cake?

Hopefully she didn’t wipe it all over the gifts or flowers, but if she did, you should be charging her for half the cost of them too.

Sorry, like another PP, I can’t take this seriously.

Ponoka7 · 06/12/2025 00:39

My sister can't be trusted with cakes or balloons. I now never trust anyone. It's a lesson learned. She shouldn't pay half because when you saw her on her phone you should have pulled over and secured the cake. It was still edible. She's in the wrong, but you won't get money off her.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 00:54

Even if you had a full car, you could move it in the boot, with things around to it stop it moving around.

I've moved numerous cakes before, including the wedding cake I made for a friend. It's not that hard.

Firefumes · 06/12/2025 00:58

Just from a hygiene perspective I wouldn’t want my friend’s hand touching the cake. No one needs to physically hold the cake by the icing to keep it steady on the drive home.

Xkk · 06/12/2025 00:59

If you would have asked me for money I would have asked you for half the cake to take with me, squashed or not. The cake was eaten by your family so you didn't lose any money. CF on your side trying to make some money of your friend. Btw, serious question what bakery gives cakes especially at that price with open top? That's mad, if you don't have car and is drizling or raining, how do you transport it? Even the doughnuts at gregs are given in a closed box

LAMPS1 · 06/12/2025 01:15

So now you know you can’t trust your friend with your precious stuff.
Thats a good lesson you learned in my view. Be grateful for that.

But no, you can’t charge her for being careless and unthinking and uncaring because you gave her the job to do without knowing whether or not you could trust her.
It was your risk to take. Not hers.

BitterTits · 06/12/2025 01:18

Christ alive, she's your friend and it was an accident. Don't be ridiculous. Also, if it cost £85, why didn't the box have a lid?

SweetnsourNZ · 06/12/2025 01:30

NameChanger20252 · 05/12/2025 22:41

Realistically, I wouldn’t ask for a payment because let’s face it, if she felt any guilt she would have immediately offered. If you ask, you’re not going to get any money anyway so why bother? If it were me, I’d lose a lot of respect for her firstly for being so careless and secondly for not offering any money. For that, I’d have to distance myself at least for the time being whilst I decided if I still wanted to be friends.

If this was a one off, I’d let it go. A pattern of behavior, maybe less likely to let it go.

Yes, wondering if she has form for doing dumb things that ruin things for you. Surely a grown woman can look after a cake without this happening. If it was falling out of the box wouldn't she have said something at that moment.? The whole thing doesn't add up. Hope your grandma had a nice birthday anyway.

yorkie99 · 06/12/2025 01:41

Firefumes · 06/12/2025 00:58

Just from a hygiene perspective I wouldn’t want my friend’s hand touching the cake. No one needs to physically hold the cake by the icing to keep it steady on the drive home.

Agree with this. Why is no one commenting on how revolting it is to put your whole hand directly on a cake

Okiedokie123 · 06/12/2025 01:47

I’m shocked she was flippant about it. Any decent person would have apologised profusely and offered compensation.
But once again the comments on MN….. are very different imho to what most people would actually do if this was their life, their granny and their own £85!

Ilovecakey · 06/12/2025 01:50

Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 23:04

I might be a bit shocked but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it, I would give my friend the benefit of the doubt if she gave me a plausible reason for doing it as your friend did with the hand print

Show quote history

What would be a plausible reason for stomping on your cake?!

StruggleFlourish · 06/12/2025 01:51

Your friend is an idiot.
That's an awful lot of money to pay for any one cake.
No I don't think your friend's going to pay you back any money.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 06/12/2025 01:54

I’d be mortified if I did something like this and offer to pay for the damage.

Theslummymummy · 06/12/2025 01:59

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:02

If your friend deliberately stomped on a cake you wouldn’t be angry?

Show quote history

But that's not at all what happened is it? Bloody hell, how frigging precious was this cake and birthday? Why didn't you just have it airlifted to the location?

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 06/12/2025 02:16

Its a mistake, shit happens, she was trying to help you, maybe she was trying to steady the cake and didn't realise the pressure would ruin it.

I'm sorry it got a bit squashed but she obviously didn't do it on purpose. Don't try and charge someone who was trying to do you a favour. Shes not a professional cake handler. Shes a volunteer and an amateur. ;)

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 02:19

Holding the sides of a box with a cake in it won't stop the cake itself from moving if the car went over a bump for instance. It is quite likely that she needed to stabilize the cake from the top and it may have been purely out of instinct at that moment of a jolt. Asking for money after the cake was eaten seems weird.

XWKD · 06/12/2025 02:33

You weren't out of pocket. The cake was still eaten. She doesn't owe you money.

Firefumes · 06/12/2025 02:38

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 02:19

Holding the sides of a box with a cake in it won't stop the cake itself from moving if the car went over a bump for instance. It is quite likely that she needed to stabilize the cake from the top and it may have been purely out of instinct at that moment of a jolt. Asking for money after the cake was eaten seems weird.

Surely it is common sense, that you don’t grab a cake by the icing to stabilise it? Cake is fragile. The cake touching the box from a sudden jolt, is more hygienic than being squished by someone’s unwashed hand?

Your logic is terrible and fairly uncouth. It’s like thinking the appropriate way for a driver to deliver your pizza is by holding down the cheese and toppings by his bare hand…instead of just keeping the box steady.

BCKMA · 06/12/2025 02:42

She’s a bit dim but you’re more than a bit mean. You didn’t have to replace the cake so her paying you would be like some sort of cake fine! It’s just a bizarre logic trail to go down.

Volumeindrive · 06/12/2025 02:45

She was doing you a favour, it was an accident and the cake was eaten. She owes you nothing and she’d do well not to help you out again. I think you request that she pays half was appalling. I’m surprised she is still speaking to you.

SammyScrounge · 06/12/2025 02:52

I agree entirely. The cake was still edible. Nobody died.
No need to make a huge drama and denand reparations.

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 02:58

Firefumes · 06/12/2025 02:38

Surely it is common sense, that you don’t grab a cake by the icing to stabilise it? Cake is fragile. The cake touching the box from a sudden jolt, is more hygienic than being squished by someone’s unwashed hand?

Your logic is terrible and fairly uncouth. It’s like thinking the appropriate way for a driver to deliver your pizza is by holding down the cheese and toppings by his bare hand…instead of just keeping the box steady.

Show quote history

A pizza doesn't travel in an open top box does it?. Talk about a terrible analogy and logic. If a cake is inside a box that's open on top, the cake will jump with no top to keep it down. Holding the sides of the box won't help. In a sudden movement, I pointed out that it would have been a more instinctual movment rather than deliberate to try and keep the cake from jumping around.