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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
Figcherry · 06/12/2025 02:59

Well your friend either has no common sense or did it on purpose.

The safest place for a cake is in a sturdy box on a non slip mat in an otherwise empty boot.
Ive taken a cake to Aberdeen perfectly safely but you have to plan it and I never trust anyone to hold a cake.

wandawaves · 06/12/2025 03:01

Photo?
Because you said it was ruined, with a massive hand print, and ruined the photos, but also that your nan asked why it was "a bit squashed on one side", plus you still served it to people. So... which is it? Ruined or not ruined?

wandawaves · 06/12/2025 03:01

And was your friend covered in buttercream afterwards?

Kasma · 06/12/2025 03:09

Couldn't grab a butter knife and try to tidy it up a bit?! The fact you still served and ate it and it sounds like it was fine I'd not have even asked let alone expect her to pay anything.
What were you going to do, go and replace it?! Doubt it, you'd still have served and eaten the same cake but cashed in on the cost.

If I were here I'd be the one to step back and let the friendship fade away.. I wouldn't even dream, in this scenario, of asking some unrelated person to the event to pay half when they did me a favour and it was a genuine accident. Not like she was fooling around and dropped it on its face.

Kasma · 06/12/2025 03:11

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:02

If your friend deliberately stomped on a cake you wouldn’t be angry?

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But your friend did not do this. If she did I'd say absolutely she should pay half or the whole thing after that. You say people are downplaying the damage but from what's been said I think you're way over exaggerating it as you still ate the thing.

nomas · 06/12/2025 03:38

Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 23:04

I might be a bit shocked but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it, I would give my friend the benefit of the doubt if she gave me a plausible reason for doing it as your friend did with the hand print

Show quote history

What would the plausible reason be? That’s ridiculous.

nomas · 06/12/2025 03:41

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 23:03

Why? She gave up her time to help OP out when she didn't have to, and she saved the cake from falling onto the floor of the car. OP should have driven more steadily and should have ensured the cake was in a safe container.

Show quote history

She could have just held the cake box like she was meant to.

JustMe2026 · 06/12/2025 03:44

Well by the price of the cake which these days wasn't that expensive actually no I wouldn't complain and tbh for a bakery to give you an open top box is outstanding to me not particularly professional. Either way regardless of price accidents unfortunately happen next time order from someone who delivers

tripleginandtonic · 06/12/2025 03:46

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 05/12/2025 22:32

I would want her to pay for all of it! What a stupid thing to do!

Why? The cakes been appreciated and eaten. I've never heard of a cake in a box without a lid before.

Pickleslovesourdough · 06/12/2025 04:02

Either your friend is an idiot (to rest her hand inside on the cake inside the box) or she secretly hates you (or hated having to help you). This is based on the fact that she didn’t even apologise when she saw your reaction and how upset you are. A lot can be determined by how our friends react when we are upset especially if it was them that caused the upset. She clearly doesn’t care. When people show you who they are (by their actions or reactions) believe them! Asking for some money back is pointless as in the end the cake was eaten but her reaction tells you that you need to distance yourself from the friendship.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 06/12/2025 04:37

Clara\Beatrice

Velveletteslonleylonelygirlami · 06/12/2025 04:58

It was a stupid thing to do but getting her to stumble up won't have changed the cakes appearance on the day.
Op getting £45 won't change that.

hattie43 · 06/12/2025 05:08

How stupid is she .

TulipCat · 06/12/2025 05:12

Your friend did a silly thing but you allowed the circumstances to create a suboptimal transport situation. Before her holding the cake happened, you accepted a poorly packaged cake without insisting on a closed box, and you didn't bother to move the presents from the footwell so the cake could have gone there. Yes, she could have apologised, but this one's on you really.

ACynicalDad · 06/12/2025 05:14

Of course not, it may have been a cake but I’d need to have hundreds of friends to let this damage av friendship and asking for money will do that.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 06/12/2025 05:16

She doesn’t work for you. She was helping. You should have secured it in the boot. Hope you haven't asked her to pay or she’ll be starting her own thread how cheeky you are.

winterwarmer8274 · 06/12/2025 05:31

I would be mildly annoyed, but instead of getting angry and demanding payment, I would probably choose to call my friend an idiot and proceed to laugh about it.

Why ruin your day over something so trivial? It's just cake.

Your gran asking 'why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side' is a non event. I'm 1000000% sure she did not care one bit about the squashed cake and was just wondering how it happened.

The photo's aren't ruined, no one is looking at the cake. They are looking at the people.

ThisIsAboutRight · 06/12/2025 05:37

OP, you already know what you think. Why are you asking us?

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 05:56

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 02:19

Holding the sides of a box with a cake in it won't stop the cake itself from moving if the car went over a bump for instance. It is quite likely that she needed to stabilize the cake from the top and it may have been purely out of instinct at that moment of a jolt. Asking for money after the cake was eaten seems weird.

When I made cakes I put them on a cake board that was the perfect fit for the box. That stops the side to side movement. If the cake is iced to the cake board, like it should be, it would take quite a jolt for it to come off at all. I don't think a bump should be an issue unless the box falls off a seat in the process.

LBFseBrom · 06/12/2025 05:56

I'm surprised youdidn't get creative and cover up the damage somehow. You can work wonders with a bit of icing.

However the cake was eaten, it was an accident so you can't expect half of its cost. I'm sure ti was fine. Such things happen in transit.

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 06:00

TappyGilmore · 05/12/2025 22:51

The bakery didn’t package the cake properly. Why would they have put it in an open top box? I have only ever bought cakes which are packaged well in boxes so wouldn’t need holding in a car in the first place, and probably wouldn’t be damaged by someone stopping it from falling in transit.

So it’s not your friend’s fault. But you should have complained about the packaging when you picked it up, not after the cake was damaged.

This

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 06:01

And tiered cakes are usually best transported on the floor as that's more stable than a seat or lap

DayOfSummer · 06/12/2025 06:04

BitterTits · 06/12/2025 01:18

Christ alive, she's your friend and it was an accident. Don't be ridiculous. Also, if it cost £85, why didn't the box have a lid?

Edited

This! I think the bakery is at fault here and needs feedback that they need better packaging for their expensive cakes. Why was it you were footing the bill for the whole cake anyway? Didn’t your family offer to contribute? Chalk it down to experience not to give this particular friend any responsibility like this if future, sorry but she doesn’t sound like she has a lot of common sense.

cheerfulaf · 06/12/2025 06:09

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 06:01

And tiered cakes are usually best transported on the floor as that's more stable than a seat or lap

I agree and actually think the bakery are responsible here

I cannot understand why there was no lid on the box, whilst travelling anything could go on to the cake (fluff, hair, what if it were raining?)

I also think the bakery should have discussed with you the best way to transport and store the cake, even how best to hold it. I think your friend was a bit of an idiot here but I have seen people attempt to pick up a cake box from the sides before so she’s not alone!

how she handled the situation is another matter, I would be upset if this happened and my friend couldn’t give a shit rather than be apologetic, still not sure I’d expect her to pay anything though

Mapletree1985 · 06/12/2025 06:09

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

If I bought a cake for 85 pounds I'd take a cake container with me to ensure no harm came to it, or insist they put it in a closed, very sturdy cardboard box. You should have given this expensive cake more thought and not handed that duty over to a friend doing you a favour.