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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/12/2025 23:03

Why were the photos ruined? Surely the important ones were the photos of your 90 year old gran enjoying her birthday?

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 23:03

nomas · 05/12/2025 22:46

I would just block and delete her, what a twat.

Why? She gave up her time to help OP out when she didn't have to, and she saved the cake from falling onto the floor of the car. OP should have driven more steadily and should have ensured the cake was in a safe container.

Lmnop22 · 05/12/2025 23:04

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:02

If your friend deliberately stomped on a cake you wouldn’t be angry?

Show quote history

I might be a bit shocked but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it, I would give my friend the benefit of the doubt if she gave me a plausible reason for doing it as your friend did with the hand print

Hohofortherobbers · 05/12/2025 23:05

OK, she was a bit careless, but she's your mate and she was doing you a favour, you don't charge people over this.

ODFOx · 05/12/2025 23:05

Your friend Rachel isn’t very bright/practical, obviously. Did you know this in advance? Either way, she came, as a friend, to help prepare for a family party out of the goodness of her heart. You can’t charge her for being cack-handed.
You should have tidied the icing before the photos.
And don’t ask her help with anything involving practicality and common sense again.

CookieCrumbles23 · 05/12/2025 23:05

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

I get it was a handprint and I’d be annoyed. But it sounds like you’re pissed off by her reaction. I’m just not sure how expecting an apology has transformed into expecting half the money.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 23:05

Surely the important thing about the photos was your gran? Why on earth would a slightly squashed cake ruin them?

TokenGinger · 05/12/2025 23:08

For future reference, a cake should be place in the footwell of a car, in the front, with the passenger seat pushed all of the way back. It’s the most stable place to go.

In answer to your question, I personally think it’s on the bakery. As a baker myself, my cakes leave me with a care card to say it should travel in a footwell, and they leave fresh out of a fridge so the buttercream is stable enough so they can withstand a journey (so no need to save it by hand from falling, as it wouldn’t fall). The fact it was soft enough to show a handprint tells me the cake had been warm/at room temperature for a while.

AngelinaFibres · 05/12/2025 23:12

TappyGilmore · 05/12/2025 22:51

The bakery didn’t package the cake properly. Why would they have put it in an open top box? I have only ever bought cakes which are packaged well in boxes so wouldn’t need holding in a car in the first place, and probably wouldn’t be damaged by someone stopping it from falling in transit.

So it’s not your friend’s fault. But you should have complained about the packaging when you picked it up, not after the cake was damaged.

Or taken something from home ( washing up bowl, toy box , empty ironing basket) that you could have wedged in the boot with the cake in ( in its bakery box) so it couldn't move anywhere. Your friend is an idiot , but you presumably knew that already and you are an idiot for asking an idiot to hold a badly packaged precious cake that needed to remain instagram perfect.
My mother used to make a beautiful sherry trifle ( 1970s ) for my father to take to the office party. My father was very clever but totally devoid of life skills. He put the trifle in the boot in its bowl and drove 14 miles. The bowl was upside down and the boot was full of escaped trifle by the time he got to the party.He's been dead 9 years. We still talk about dad and his 'special ways'. Silly memories are often the best ones.

Proudestmumofone1 · 05/12/2025 23:12

I think you should take her to small claims court. With emotional damages included too.

RightSheSaid · 05/12/2025 23:13

You asked her to do you a favour. She did it badly. Don't ask her again. I wasn't her cake. It's not her family and but for you asking she wouldn't have been there. You got a cake. You ate a cake. Fuck me even if she slipped, fell and it was inedible I still wouldn't agree to charge her. Accidents happen.

tedibear · 05/12/2025 23:17

It was an accident. In your shoes I may not be happy about it but I wouldn’t expect her to pay half or anything. I would blame myself for trusting her with it. The cake wasn’t her responsibility, it was yours.

I get cakes made for my kids for every birthday. The instructions given for transporting, is to put it in the footwell of the car and have your aircon on cold. It’s about a 15-20mins drive away on dual carriage ways and lots of roundabouts, I just try to be a bit more slow on the turns. There’s always a risk if someone is holding it that it could go wrong easily.

Stayingafloatish · 05/12/2025 23:20

Pics please to make a fair judgement call.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 05/12/2025 23:21

On what basis do you think she should pay you for half of the cake?

It arrived, it was eaten. If the two of you had managed to completely smoosh it beyond being able to be presented to Gran and used, and you had to either be cakeless, or go to Sainsburys and get a replacement, you might have a point. But the cake was presented and used and eaten.

birdsnestinghere · 05/12/2025 23:23

She was helping you, doing you a favour. You should have asked for the lid of the cake box when transporting it and kept it in a more stable location. Just consider it a lesson learned in how to transport cakes for future.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 05/12/2025 23:24

Oh FFS! You have to see the funny side when this kind of thing happens. Don’t take life too seriously….it’s a cake, it got eaten, it’s a story and a memory….

Noshadelamp · 05/12/2025 23:30

You gave her the responsibility for looking after the cake, but was she aware that if something happened to it you would charge her for any damage, or as someone mentioned, charge her a fee?

It's one of those unfortunate accidents imo.

If she wasn't there, what would you have done with the cake? Put it on the seat next to you? What if you braked suddenly and the cake fell onto the floor, who would you blame then?

Original poster
PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

Noshadelamp · 05/12/2025 23:30

You gave her the responsibility for looking after the cake, but was she aware that if something happened to it you would charge her for any damage, or as someone mentioned, charge her a fee?

It's one of those unfortunate accidents imo.

If she wasn't there, what would you have done with the cake? Put it on the seat next to you? What if you braked suddenly and the cake fell onto the floor, who would you blame then?

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

OP posts:
Oftenaddled · 05/12/2025 23:41

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

Show quote history

She should have apologized. She was certainly a bit daft. But she doesn't owe you any money.

Autumngirl5 · 05/12/2025 23:41

TokenGinger · 05/12/2025 23:08

For future reference, a cake should be place in the footwell of a car, in the front, with the passenger seat pushed all of the way back. It’s the most stable place to go.

In answer to your question, I personally think it’s on the bakery. As a baker myself, my cakes leave me with a care card to say it should travel in a footwell, and they leave fresh out of a fridge so the buttercream is stable enough so they can withstand a journey (so no need to save it by hand from falling, as it wouldn’t fall). The fact it was soft enough to show a handprint tells me the cake had been warm/at room temperature for a while.

And not on your friends lap with her hand clamped tightly over it? Sorry I’m struggling to take this seriously.

ktopfwcv · 05/12/2025 23:54

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I'd asked her

OR

The only reason I didn't do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Which one is it OP?

IridiumSky · 06/12/2025 00:00

Your friend is a moron. But she doesn’t owe you any money.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/12/2025 00:02

I can understand being a bit annoyed, but that doesn’t translate to her owing you money, that’s some serious CFery on your part.

Helplessandheartbroke · 06/12/2025 00:14

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

You're being ridiculous

Ancestress · 06/12/2025 00:14

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

Show quote history

How does a seatbelt securely go around a cake box? Confused

And couldn’t the cake have gone in the footwell and the gifts on the back seat?