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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 19:37

Oh gosh. 4 hours! That's a massive ask. Really?

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:38

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 19:37

Oh gosh. 4 hours! That's a massive ask. Really?

That's another poster, not OP.

Fdsew · 06/12/2025 19:48

OP, she's a moron and now you know.
I would definitely judge her as a bit of an idiot going forward, and rude to boot.

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 20:03

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:38

That's another poster, not OP.

Show quote history

Ah ok thanks

PloddingAlong21 · 06/12/2025 20:05

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 22:36

I’d probably drift away from the friendship. Little by little I’d distance myself. She obs has no common sense to know how to efficiently stabilise a delicate cake in the rear of a moving vehicle. Silly woman.

You’d seriously distance a friendship over something as silly as this? I dread to think what you’d do over something a tiny bit serious.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 06/12/2025 20:25

So a cake is more important than your friendship? Probably not so I would let it go. Sounds like an accident.

Did the baker not provide tips on how to transport it? I have always been advised to have it sitting in the passenger foot well.

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 22:09

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:20

HIre something bigger or prioritise cake placement. I'm sure you could have rearranged things in your car. You asked your mother to travel four hours with a cake on her lap? That's a big uncomfortable ask to start with, and no doubt increased the risk of an accident with the cake. That's a long time to travel, let alone with a cake box on your lap. I feel sorry for your mother. She had an accident doing you a favour, in the way you chose for it to be transported, and now you're angry at her.

Show quote history

No I asked her to sit 2 hours with her hand on a box. She chose to not touch the box and it nearly hit the deck. Not a big ask. Not difficult. Not tiring. Not uncomfortable. Not a huge box. A single tier. Maybe I should have hired the cake it's own driver. Or maybe I should have refused to drive her "sorry mum, the cake needs it's own seat."

JillMW · 06/12/2025 22:23

Fruitcake… you and your friend but clearly not the cake

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 22:30

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 22:09

No I asked her to sit 2 hours with her hand on a box. She chose to not touch the box and it nearly hit the deck. Not a big ask. Not difficult. Not tiring. Not uncomfortable. Not a huge box. A single tier. Maybe I should have hired the cake it's own driver. Or maybe I should have refused to drive her "sorry mum, the cake needs it's own seat."

Show quote history

I suggest you try sitting for two hours in a chair with your hand on a box and see how comfortable you find it.

Fountofwisdom · 06/12/2025 22:34

YABU.

The cake was still edible and was eaten. Nobody present is still giving it a second thought apart from you. What ‘loss’ do you want her to pay for? You simply want to penalise her because you’re annoyed with her. Get a grip. If she has any sense, she’ll distance herself from YOU because you sound like hard work.

ktopfwcv · 07/12/2025 07:50

firstofallimadelight · 06/12/2025 06:12

Firstly the cake co had some responsibility it needs a box with one of those pieces of card with a circular whole in to keep it in place and a lid.

its reasonable to be annoyed at her and her so what there’s a hand in the cake attitude is rubbish. Was it deliberate? I honestly can’t imagine someone that stupid.
I would be reconsidering the friendship, mainly because of how she was afterwards

I honestly can't imagine someone that stupid.

Can you not, aye

ktopfwcv · 07/12/2025 23:17

TanitaTikTokaram · 06/12/2025 07:29

Well she’s an idiot to have stuck her hand in it but try and imagine what it would look like after it’s been eaten just before you flush the toilet to help get a bit of perspective. It’s going to look a lot worse. Will you expect the eaters to pay for ruining it?

Huh? Confused

MyMiniMetro · 08/12/2025 00:23

If your friend hadn’t been there, the cake would have bounced around the car and been completely inedible.

Now behave, stop being a dick and apologise to your friend for making them feel bad about an accident.

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