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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 06/12/2025 07:48

@PuffPastry84

How much were you paying her for her time helping you?

You're reasonably entitled to 25-50% of thst back. I'm sure her professional indemnity insurance will cough up.

Zanatdy · 06/12/2025 08:01

I might be annoyed but I wouldn’t be asking or accepting payment from a friend.

Boutonnière · 06/12/2025 08:14

“I asked her not to grab the buttercream” Really? That’s a very specific and odd request to make and didn’t get mentioned in the OP.

My first thought on reading this was wondering about your cornering skills but now I think there’s more than a touch ( no pun intended) of a 1980s sitcom script going on.

tuvamoodyson · 06/12/2025 08:16

Ireolu · 06/12/2025 07:23

Did the hand print make the cake any less edible? She doesn't owe you any money. I doubt she will be offering to help in the future with all this carry on.

It would’ve done for me…🤮

fiorentina · 06/12/2025 08:24

If my friend came to help in this situation and this happened I’d be frustrated but not expect her to pay! It’s an accident and I wouldn’t want to lose a good friend over this.

it’s something to laugh about after the event..

MyDeftDuck · 06/12/2025 08:25

I’m actually forming the opinion that the so called friend damaged the cake deliberately OP.
Personally, I would have put the cake in the boot of the car with other things stowed around the sides to stop the box sliding around.

Move on from this OP and consider your options with this ‘friend’………did she have a dislike for your GM and damaged it deliberately? Is she likely to repeat this for a future event?

Bearbookagainandagain · 06/12/2025 08:28

I would be gutted. She is an idiot and I wouldn't trust her. But still you can't charge her for the cake, particularly if you still ate it.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 06/12/2025 08:34

I mean, putting a fancy cake in an "open top" box is already odd, but to qualify as a box it must have at least had sides. So how was it going to "fall out"? Makes no sense.

jajajajajaja · 06/12/2025 08:36

She’s an idiot but I think it’s unreasonable to expect money. You ate the cake, it wasn’t totally destroyed. If I paid £80 (!) for a cake I would expect it to come in a closed box.

Flowerlovinglady · 06/12/2025 08:38

You're right to feel disappointed, angry and let down - your lovely, expensive and perfect cake was squished due to your friend's carelessness but expecting her to pay is not reasonable. Her lack of care and lack of an apology though is a worry, it suggests maybe a wider lack of care for you - something to think about.

Allthegoodhorses · 06/12/2025 08:40

TappyGilmore · 05/12/2025 22:51

The bakery didn’t package the cake properly. Why would they have put it in an open top box? I have only ever bought cakes which are packaged well in boxes so wouldn’t need holding in a car in the first place, and probably wouldn’t be damaged by someone stopping it from falling in transit.

So it’s not your friend’s fault. But you should have complained about the packaging when you picked it up, not after the cake was damaged.

This.

I make cakes and put them in boxes with a cake board exactly the same size as the box to stop it sliding. If I’m worried about it sliding I put a tea towel or silicon mat underneath the board so it doesn’t slide in the box.

I don’t think it’s your friends fault if she was trying to rescue it from sliding around.

arcticpandas · 06/12/2025 08:46

She sounds really stupid in search for better words. But that's on you @PuffPastry84 . Surely you must know your friend not to be reliable. I can't imagine this being the first time she did something similar.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 08:46

I'd really hate to be served cake someone had stuck their hand on like that.

Crushed23 · 06/12/2025 08:48

Sorry OP but YABVVVU and this is one of the most ridiculous threads I’ve read on MN.

If a friend so much as hinted that I should pay half for a cake that I had accidentally ruined the ‘presentation’ of (I mean really?!) but the cake was perfectly edible, after I’d done the friend a favour, I would definitely be drifting away from the friendship.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 06/12/2025 08:49

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 08:46

I'd really hate to be served cake someone had stuck their hand on like that.

This. Wtf.

SumUp · 06/12/2025 08:55

Your friend is a class 1 moron. But I don’t think you can expect her to pay for half. The bakery should have packed it better.

Invinoveritaz · 06/12/2025 08:57

I wouldn’t ask for payment but I would be wondering about my friendship with someone who thinks it’s ok to put their hand on top of a cake!
it does seem odd to pay that much for a cake and for it not to have a proper box to transport it in so the shop that sold it also must carry some of the blame.

stayok · 06/12/2025 08:58

Everything about this is very odd but no, you can’t expect your friend to pay for half your cake when she was doing you a favour. It’s just one of those things. My guess is her hand was resting lightly above it and you went over a speed bump and jolted her or something. But even if she actually deliberately put her hand on top of the cake, you can’t expect her to pay.

Strawberrydelight78 · 06/12/2025 09:05

Couldn't you have tidied it up a bit with some icing?

Grammarnut · 06/12/2025 09:08

Theslummymummy · 05/12/2025 22:35

Could you not eat the cake? I wouldn't be paying for a favour I did you, no.

She didn't do a favour, she squashed it. You hold a cake by the sides, not stick your hand on top. Weird woman.

susiedaisy1912 · 06/12/2025 09:11

Strawberrydelight78 · 06/12/2025 09:05

Couldn't you have tidied it up a bit with some icing?

Yes because we all carry extra icing and a piping bag in our car when on the way to a party. 🙄

TaraC25 · 06/12/2025 09:13

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

If she hadn't come with you, it could've ended up damaged anyway as would've been rolling around in the car?

Honestly I think you're being OTT. Lessons learnt here: don't spend some much on a cake, don't expect other people to have the same level of care/common sense that you do/accidents and carelessness do happen... One day you'll look back and laugh about the time the cake had a handprint in it.

Honestly, life's too short.

Wynter25 · 06/12/2025 09:15

Meant to click yabu

Thundertoast · 06/12/2025 09:21

I dont think you can ask her to pay, but I also think she did it deliberately!
If at some point during the journey she has instinctively touched the cake like that that in order to hold it by accident, then surely any normal person would have gone 'oh shit, im so sorry, but ive smashed it a bit when I was stopping it from tipping' unless she's otherwise a deeply awful person, but in that case I doubt you'd be friends anyway...

NotThisAgainPart74 · 06/12/2025 09:25

I do honestly see why you're annoyed but I don't think asking her to pay half is appropriate. If you had to buy a new cake then you might have asked for a contribution but you bought the cake and used it so if she pays you half what would you do with it? Is it to compensate you or your grandma?