Was DD rude

[Reino]

DD is 23 and is briefly living at home between gap year and moving in with her boyfriend in January.
On Sunday DH and I had some guests over, they arrived at 11, left at about 8pm, didn’t have dinner but did have lunch (we ordered it in). DD knows the guests well, would class them as family friends.

DD and her boyfriend didn’t come down stairs until about 3 o’clock, then they sat with us all, drank some wine small talked etc, before going back up to her around about 5:30. At 7pm her boyfriend came back down to collect their food delivery from the door, they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered.

YANBU - They were rude, they should have come down and said hi much earlier and had lunch with everyone, or they should have checked if anyone else wanted food ordered.
YABU - They didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t their guests, so not their job to accommodate them.

They were your guests not theirs. What they did was fine.

When i was in my 20s id not have wanted to sit for 9 hours with my parents friends. I dont think she did anything wrong.

I have a similar age ds at home and though I'd want him to say hello, id be more than happy for him to stay upstairs for the rest of the time.

Sounds like they socialised for a good long while which is lovely - they're presumably working adults so need their down time as well.

The food ordering is defo a non issue.

They weren’t their guests, it was nice that they came down and chatted to them for a bit but I wouldn’t have expected more. It was your job to feed your guests if they wanted anything.

Not rude at all.

I actually think they were very considerate in keeping out of your way whilst you had guests over, sorting out their own food so as not to interfere, and politely joining you all for some of the time. They were your guests, not theirs.

Why didnt you serve a evening
Meal?

I don't think they were rude at all, the opposite, in fact, they came down and spent a couple of hours with your guests, which they didn't have to do.

Did you ask DD if she'd be having lunch with you? She may have thought your preference was to not have her and boyfriend there at that point of the day.

I think it's more miscommunication than rudeness. Unless her or boyfriend have a history of rudeness.

Not rude

Not rude at all, they weren’t their guests.

Can’t think of anything worse than sitting for 9 hours with my mum’s friends! They did their bit and then some.

She wasn’t remotely rude. She came to say hello, sat with you for a couple of hours to socialise and then left you to it. She behaved perfectly. I wouldn’t say it’s up to her to ask your friends if they want food ordered. You’re the hosts, you provide for them not your daughter. I would find it beyond bizarre if I had guests who ordered food for themselves to my house

Not rude. They showed their faces and ordered their own food. Dd1 is 20 and I wouldn’t expect her and her boyfriend to sit with us the entire time if we have friends over.

Not rude at all. They came down at 3pm and sat with you all until 5.30pm. They were your guests, not theirs

What I do find rude/strange though is that your guests stayed until 8pm and you didn't give them dinner

Not rude at all!
Do YOU think they were?

guests arrived at 11 and left at 8 pm that's 9 hours and you only fed them lunch??
and you are wondering who is rude...
your dd and her boyfriend were considerate and stayed out of the way allowing you to enjoy your visit...but honestly who doesn't have both a lunch and supper over 9 hours time.

That’s true. Did you not offer them some dinner or throw something together given they were with you until 8. Given you ordered in lunch (strange in itself). I would have put together some dinner

I'd be more concerned about your hosting skills to be honest. They must have been starving going home!

Not at all rude.

Not rude and I honestly don't get some people who expect the children of their friends to be really interested in them.

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

I think they got things right here. The guests came to see you didn’t they? Your DD politely joined for a short time and then left you to it and got out of your way. I’d say that a good balance of bring polite to guests, being respectful of you, and doing their own thing without infringing on your plans.

I definitely think they were rude to order a delivery without asking if anyone else wanted anything.

And the fact they ordered food is neither he nor there, your guests so on you to decide/plan food.