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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DD rude

184 replies

Reino · 04/12/2025 19:57

DD is 23 and is briefly living at home between gap year and moving in with her boyfriend in January.
On Sunday DH and I had some guests over, they arrived at 11, left at about 8pm, didn’t have dinner but did have lunch (we ordered it in). DD knows the guests well, would class them as family friends.

DD and her boyfriend didn’t come down stairs until about 3 o’clock, then they sat with us all, drank some wine small talked etc, before going back up to her around about 5:30. At 7pm her boyfriend came back down to collect their food delivery from the door, they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered.

YANBU - They were rude, they should have come down and said hi much earlier and had lunch with everyone, or they should have checked if anyone else wanted food ordered.
YABU - They didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t their guests, so not their job to accommodate them.

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 04/12/2025 20:18

I don’t expect my adult daughter to remain downstairs with family friends (but really my friends who have known my kids since babies) for their entire visit, no. I’ve invited them, she likes to see them, but has her own life and if her bf was here too I definitely wouldn’t expect them to behave like a co-host, nor would I expect them to order takeaway for me or the guests just because they had lunch with us earlier.

moneyadviceplease · 04/12/2025 20:18

Whatnowitsdday · 04/12/2025 20:17

I definitely think they were rude to order a delivery without asking if anyone else wanted anything.

Really? I’d find if odd if my guests ordered food. I would be beyond embarrassed

Pineapplewaves · 04/12/2025 20:26

Did you invite DD and her boyfriend to join you? Did you give them a shout to come down when lunch was on the table? If not I don’t think they were rude.

I don’t think they were rude to order a food delivery and not ask your guests if they wanted anything - they were your guests and you were hosting so it was up to you to organise food for the guests. Also, if they had asked, your guests might have thought they were paying, that would have been an awkward conversation, would you have picked up the bill?

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 04/12/2025 20:33

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

Show quote history

Presuming your friends are all adults then if I was your DD I'd be assuming that if they or you wanted a takeaway then you'd order one yourselves. It would never occur to me to offer to order for people being hosted by my parents as I'd think it'd be way overstepping the mark.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 04/12/2025 20:37

I think they were rude. They should have come down within 20mins of guest arrival to greet them. Hiding upstairs is so odd, only came down for the free wine. I'd agree they didn't need to spend the day with them though.

I also consider it rude to order without asking if anyone else wants anything.

SarahAndQuack · 04/12/2025 20:40

I don't think they were rude. I would assume they ordered food because they wanted to stay out of the kitchen while you were hosting people at a meal time.

outerspacepotato · 04/12/2025 20:41

It's your job to host your guests.

Not your daughter's. She and her bf were staying out of the way of your party for your friends. They provided for themselves and got food for themselves.

That's just weird you think it's on them to get your guests takeout. No.

Redpeach · 04/12/2025 20:41

Not v friendly given she's living in your house

Edenmum2 · 04/12/2025 20:43

2.5 hours socialising with your friends? Not rude at all

Zempy · 04/12/2025 20:44

Not remotely rude

fatphalange · 04/12/2025 20:45

Not in the slightest bit rude! What’s it to anyone else what their dinner plans are? It was nice of them to spend a bit of time with you all before going back to their own thing.

Coconutter24 · 04/12/2025 20:47

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

Show quote history

So you think your DD was rude for not offering any food in the evening but it wasn’t rude for you to not offer any food in the evening?

TessSaysYes · 04/12/2025 20:47

Of course they re not rude... They were doing their thing. You had guests and they came to see you. You wouldnt expect poor (ish) 20-somethings to order food for your guests???

IdaGlossop · 04/12/2025 20:51

I think that if you had particular expectations of your DD and her boyfriend, you should have let them know before the guests arrived.

Franklyannoyed · 04/12/2025 21:01

Why did they need to order food, weren’t you the rude one?

they aren’t kids, it was your guests, of course they stayed out the way.

Franklyannoyed · 04/12/2025 21:02

they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered

this made my toes curl, sounds like you expected them to feed you. Surely not.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 21:07

I could imagine nothing worse than being expected to hang around with my mum’s friends. They’re all lovely people but they’re her friends, not mine. Your daughter being there with her boyfriend would have changed the dynamics completely. They did the right thing in how long they spent with you.

With regards to food, I wouldn’t have offered either because that sets the expectation that I will be paying. I wouldn’t have been able to afford that at her age and she shouldn’t have to feed your guests. You should have taken that as a sign. “Oh goodness! Look at the time! Let me sort some dinner for everyone!”

Arlanymor · 04/12/2025 21:07

If they didn't come down until 3pm then they didn't have lunch with you, but you think they should have included you on their dinner order when you didn't include them in your lunch order? They were just doing the same thing as you. And sounds like - as they weren't included in lunch - they came down later on in the day and spent 2.5 hours being polite to your guests. Also I agree that if your guests didn't leave until 8pm - and presumably had a way to travel - that it was weird not to make an evening meal for them. But your DD? No, not rude at all.

pilates · 04/12/2025 21:09

Sounds fine to me. They came and said hello and had a drink with you.

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 04/12/2025 21:11

Of course not.

You're being weird.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 04/12/2025 21:13

I think it’s fine. They socialised for 2.5 hours with your friends and sorted themselves for dinner. At their age they’re not going to offer to get food for you and your mates. Your friends were also round for a very long time…

CandyCayne · 04/12/2025 21:13

Of course they weren't rude and it would've been a nightmare to ask who wanted food ordered, and then sort out everyone's individual payments.

ExperiencedContractor · 04/12/2025 21:17

I’m clearly in the minority here but I think they were rude. Both DD and her boyfriend should have come downstairs when your guests arrived - to greet them with you and DD to introduce her boyfriend, presuming they haven’t met him. They should have had a quick catch up on both sides, then it would have been fine for her to say that her and boyfriend would leave you to it and return upstairs. Then I would have expected them to mention they were ordering food, just in case anyone wanted to add to the order.

DaisyChain505 · 04/12/2025 21:18

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

Show quote history

You were the one hosting guests not your daughter. It’s not her responsibility to check that you’re feeding them sufficiently and she didn’t need to come and sit with you at all.

DaisyChain505 · 04/12/2025 21:22

ExperiencedContractor · 04/12/2025 21:17

I’m clearly in the minority here but I think they were rude. Both DD and her boyfriend should have come downstairs when your guests arrived - to greet them with you and DD to introduce her boyfriend, presuming they haven’t met him. They should have had a quick catch up on both sides, then it would have been fine for her to say that her and boyfriend would leave you to it and return upstairs. Then I would have expected them to mention they were ordering food, just in case anyone wanted to add to the order.

This sounds like a scene from the sound of music with the heavily trained Von Trapp kids.

The guests were invited by and there to see the OP and her husband.

Why should their daughter rush downstairs the second she hears the door to greet said guests? OP has already said they’re practically family meaning the daughter has spent plenty of time with them and there’s no need for formal performances.