Was DD rude

[Reino]

DD is 23 and is briefly living at home between gap year and moving in with her boyfriend in January.
On Sunday DH and I had some guests over, they arrived at 11, left at about 8pm, didn’t have dinner but did have lunch (we ordered it in). DD knows the guests well, would class them as family friends.

DD and her boyfriend didn’t come down stairs until about 3 o’clock, then they sat with us all, drank some wine small talked etc, before going back up to her around about 5:30. At 7pm her boyfriend came back down to collect their food delivery from the door, they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered.

YANBU - They were rude, they should have come down and said hi much earlier and had lunch with everyone, or they should have checked if anyone else wanted food ordered.
YABU - They didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t their guests, so not their job to accommodate them.

I have 3 20-somethings still at home. If I have guests over they would always pop down to say hi and chitchat a while, then disappear. We would have discussed food earlier as they’re often not too keen on my entertaining menus so might sort themselves out. If I was ordering out and it was something they fancied they’d opt in and eat with us (at my expense 😣). They might also choose to order out rather than start cooking for themselves whilst guests and I were faffing in kitchen/dining area. Generally I’d shout up that X was leaving and they’d pop down to say goodbye, but sometimes I wouldn’t bother.
Quite often on here I read threads about people having issues with their young adults and think myself lucky. Then I remember what these buggers were like from age 13-17 and think I earned this respite!

Sound alike you're annoyed your DD showed you up by ordering food.

I wouldn't expect my adult DCs to be involved with my guests.
They have their own lives even if they live in our house.

Your DD sounds really thoughtful and polite.

She's only with you another month. Even if you hold on to a different opinion from most people posting, you can see she acted reasonably since so many people agree with her approach. So I would definitely let this one go.

YABVVU. Your adult child stayed out of your way so you could enjoy hosting your own friends. She and her boyfriend did however pop down to have some tea and small talk, as they are good family friends. They retreat back to their room and catered to themselves when they wished to eat.

On the other hand, your own guests sat there well into the evening and you didn’t think about offering any further refreshments until your child, who hadn’t eaten as recently as you, got themselves some food to eat in their room and allow you to continue not disturbing your night with your own friends.

You were rude. Apart from anything I would never expect my DD to cater to me and my friends just because she was sorting herself and her boyfriend a take away. If you and your friends were hungry, or suddenly realised you were when you got green eyes at your DD’s food, you could have just - I don’t know - ordered your own for you and your guests.

I agree you didn’t want to provide dinner (fair enough) but feel that somehow your dd showed you up as a poor host. Not your dd’s job to worry about offering food to your guests. If you didn’t feel any need to offer another meal why would she?

Your dd did just fine, op. Not rude at all.

You sound weird though.

Were you and your husband expecting your daughter to order your party takeout instead of you providing them food on the evening? Would you have paid or expected your guests to figure out the separate bills or did you expect your daughter to pay?

I think barging a party's worth of orders onto a two person takeout order is rude af. The order would take a lot longer and be a lot harder to get home.

You gave your guests lunch and then were drinking all day until 8 in the evening and you didn't think to provide an evening meal? You thought your daughter should since she got herself food? Damn, learn how to host.

I think it’s rude that they didn’t send you a quick message to let you know they had ordered food. It would have given you the chance to tag on and you want to know who is coming to your door (I do.)

Also, not rude to not feed your guests a 2nd meal, I think they were rude to stay that long! I bet you were itching for them to leave after 9 hours and feeding them again would have prolonged that.

So as usual I feel differently to most, starting to wonder what is wrong with me.

YABU

Get off your high horse and serve your guests supper.

She wasn't rude but you were by not feeding them even snacks. They'd have been high tailing it to the nearest mcds when they left you!

Not your dd’s job to worry about offering food to your guests. If you didn’t feel any need to offer another meal why would she?

Not just not her job but also not her place to do. OP and her DH had chosen not to invite their guests to stay for dinner - it would have actually been rudely overstepping for the DD to take it upon herself to do so for them.

It's incredibly rude to tag onto someone else's takeaway order, especially when they are nothing to do with the actual dining group. Presumably they'd also expect DD to pay since she's the one putting the order in?

Nothing wrong with the OP putting their own separate order in for them and their friends of course.

I said we’d been serving snacks all afternoon and evening?

My 20 somethings still live with us but as adults I allow them the autonomy to live their own lives. I wouldn't necessarily want them to join us in a similar situation. I'd be happy with a quick hello from them and would have no issues with them making a separate order for food without asking any of my guests if they wanted anything- that would kind of look like they were offering to pay, anyway - why should they?

DH and I felt DD had been rude, we would generally expect our children to come and say hello to any guests soon after they arrive. Generally speaking irrespective of guests are present or not I believe the polite thing to do when ordering food is to check with anyone else home if they would like anything added.

Complete insanity.

Bet your daughter can’t wait to move back out. Poor lass.

Thanks ever so much for letting me know your opinion.

You won't ease your guests out the door when it's time but expect your daughter to feed them? And you think she's rude?

Lunch and some snacks aren't enough for 9 hours of drinking. You should have been prepared or rounded things up at the appointed end time.

She wasn't rude at all! Of course you can't expect someone in their early twenties to offer food to YOUR guest - how is she gonna pay for it all? Why cant you feed your own guests ？

🙄🙄🙄.
Oh I am terribly sorry, I thought that was what this board was for.

Wait…so you all had a full on drinking session during the day?

I am not surprised your daughter retreated to her room. That’s not normal at your age.

It looks like you're looking for something to complain about.

I assume she didn't want her guest to sit around being bored to death by yours.

I don't think they should have come down for lunch. In fact, I think them spending a bit of time with your friends was nice, but I do think they should have offered to add stuff to their order and asked if anyone else wanted something.

I definitely wouldn't ever get food delivered to my parents' house without asking them if they wanted something too. So, I don't think you're being unreasonable about that. Especially if they drank your wine before ordering food just for themselves!

Oh please 😂 Judgemental much? No one asked for your opinion on that.

Offering if someone wants to add to your order doesn't mean offering to pay for it. But getting food delivered to your parent's house while they're there with guests and not asking if anyone needs anything is kind of rude.

Not rude, seems perfectly normal to me.
They’re your friends, your DD and boyfriend were polite, that’s all that matters.
What youngsters would want to sit chatting to parents friends all day anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️