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Original poster

Is husband right that I need psychological help? (Won’t eat outside of home)

403 replies

Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:44

When I was 19 I had a very traumatic experience. I found half a mouse in a ready meal I had bought from a supermarket. It was in a curry. I created a post on twitter and a couple of papers actually picked up the story.

if was obviously very upsetting. I was a university student at the time living off ready meals. After that experience I refused to eat from restaurants, takeaways or supermarkets. I won’t even eat crisps. Everything I eat needs to be 100% “safe”.

Everything I eat is home cooked. I would never buy a ready meal again. I don’t even buy bread from a supermarket. I eat potatoes as my main carb. I eat a lot of eggs (from my mum’s chickens).

Husband obviously knew what he was signing up for when he married me. I do not see myself ever letting my guard down.

Anyway, we were on holiday and he really lost his cool with me. I was eating fruit and boiled eggs and he told me I need help. And that he was getting tired by my the restrictions I place on myself and therefore him.

I have spoken to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I don’t want to be like this. Who is the one that is being unreasonable

OP posts:
Tiswa · 04/12/2025 15:45

Yes I think professional help and get the proper one would help here living like this must be tough surely you want to change and move on from the traumatic experience

Orangemintcream · 04/12/2025 15:46

Well you’ve said it yourself - you don’t want to live like this. So for that alone the answer is yes.

RampantIvy · 04/12/2025 15:47

Sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable.

Not being able to eat out while on holiday would spoil the holiday for me. I'm sure that there will be "safe foods" that you could eat.

FMc208 · 04/12/2025 15:47

Unfortunately your traumatic experience has triggered an eating disorder so yes, while understandable, I would say you need professional help.

Linenpickle · 04/12/2025 15:48

You are unreasonable. It was a one in a zillion chance. Time to get over it.

BennyHenny · 04/12/2025 15:48

FMc208 · 04/12/2025 15:47

Unfortunately your traumatic experience has triggered an eating disorder so yes, while understandable, I would say you need professional help.

This OP, you can take steps to try to address this.

Ddakji · 04/12/2025 15:49

I think you are, and it does impact your DH (and will any DC should you have them).

Try a different therapist.

Swiftie1878 · 04/12/2025 15:49

Get help, please, for you and your family.

saraclara · 04/12/2025 15:49

You were traumatised by the incident, so yes, you need some help with what is a pretty serious eating disorder. Your DH is right.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/12/2025 15:50

Yes, you are being totally unreasonable and need to seek more help and make an effort to improve your life. It’s not like you are even eliminating the tiny tiny risk of finding something like that again. Just as likely to find a foreign body in a bag of potato’s (that’s been in the ground and gone through a factory) as you are to find one in a ready meal (also gone through a factory).

MissyB1 · 04/12/2025 15:50

Yes you have an eating disorder, I understand why, but the fact is this will affect your relationship, and places limits on your life. Seek help.

RedTagAlan · 04/12/2025 15:51

I can't vote on this. Yes, I think you need some assistance in getting over your fear, but because you have been the same since before marriage, I am not sure if your DH's reaction was ok. Understandable for sure.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/12/2025 15:51

And the fact that he knew when he married you, don’t mean he has no right to want to encourage you to improve your own quality of life (and his), it’s normal for people to evolve and change over time and it’s fine for him to want that.

3luckystars · 04/12/2025 15:51

I would definitely ask for help as there will come a day when you won’t be able to cook.

You should do everything to get over this.

That’s ok about never again eating a ready meal, I never would eat one either but what about a bag of chips from a fish and chip shop?

What about ice cream ? A bar of chocolate?

That’s all lovely and you shouldn’t miss out in
that!

LondonLady1980 · 04/12/2025 15:52

I sympathise with you OP as it must have been horrendous, however, the reaction it has triggered in you is very extreme.

How long ago did this actually happen?

You say you can't ever see yourself "letting your guard down" which implies this is a massive part of your life and takes up a lot of head space?

Why won't you eat crisps which are made of potatoes, but you will eat potatoes? Is it a fear that you'll open a bag of crisps and a dead animal will be in there?

And why won't you buy a loaf of bread?

What is risky about that?

I'm just trying to understand what your actual fear is? Or what logic you are following?

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:52

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/12/2025 15:50

Yes, you are being totally unreasonable and need to seek more help and make an effort to improve your life. It’s not like you are even eliminating the tiny tiny risk of finding something like that again. Just as likely to find a foreign body in a bag of potato’s (that’s been in the ground and gone through a factory) as you are to find one in a ready meal (also gone through a factory).

But to me anything with a skin/peel is safe. I scrub the shit out of fresh produce.

OP posts:
BadgernTheGarden · 04/12/2025 15:54

I can see you would be really wary, perhaps try things where you can see all the individual ingredients, sandwiches you can open and look in, pieces of roast chicken, give the unidentifiable bits in sauce a miss. I had an uncle who wouldn't eat anything not home made, not really sure why but I think he was worried about hygiene, he may well have also had a bad experience when young. In some ways I agree that eating out can be risky you do hear horror stories about (lack of) kitchen hygiene in some places.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/12/2025 15:54

Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:52

But to me anything with a skin/peel is safe. I scrub the shit out of fresh produce.

Show quote history

Yeah but if there was one in the bag you would still find it. Do you really think a restaurant wouldn’t wash their veg?

WinterBerry40 · 04/12/2025 15:55

I had someone in my family who was like that , she would also never buy anything from a deli , bakery or takeaway basically anywhere someone has to serve you / touch the item .
Her thinking behind it was if you only buy from a shop like Sainsbury's and others they are mass produced and unlikely that is has been touched by human hand . It ruined her life .

3luckystars · 04/12/2025 15:55

But surely you know that the papers picked up on it because it was so unusual. I know loads of people who eat many times a day and this never happened to any of them. It was unusual.

Sorry to say this but there could be a mouse anywhere at any time. Are you afraid of mice? Or ‘contamination’ ?

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:55

3luckystars · 04/12/2025 15:51

I would definitely ask for help as there will come a day when you won’t be able to cook.

You should do everything to get over this.

That’s ok about never again eating a ready meal, I never would eat one either but what about a bag of chips from a fish and chip shop?

What about ice cream ? A bar of chocolate?

That’s all lovely and you shouldn’t miss out in
that!

I wouldn’t eat any of the things you’ve listed. I only eat things from ingredients I know are hygienic.
I eat a lot of fruit and eggs. Plus potatoes. And those are all washed heavily with vinegar

OP posts:
PInkyStarfish · 04/12/2025 15:55

What happened was horrendous and understandably you have struggled to get over it.

However it is now dominating your life and spoiling your relationship.

You don’t want go live with this fear foe the rest of your life and you need help to overcome it. Hypnotherapy would be a start.

BadgernTheGarden · 04/12/2025 15:55

WinterBerry40 · 04/12/2025 15:55

I had someone in my family who was like that , she would also never buy anything from a deli , bakery or takeaway basically anywhere someone has to serve you / touch the item .
Her thinking behind it was if you only buy from a shop like Sainsbury's and others they are mass produced and unlikely that is has been touched by human hand . It ruined her life .

I really doubt it ruined her life!

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:56

3luckystars · 04/12/2025 15:55

But surely you know that the papers picked up on it because it was so unusual. I know loads of people who eat many times a day and this never happened to any of them. It was unusual.

Sorry to say this but there could be a mouse anywhere at any time. Are you afraid of mice? Or ‘contamination’ ?

I’m afraid of consuming anything disgusting. Not a fan of seeing them but it’s not the end of the world.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 04/12/2025 15:56

By ‘anything disgusting’ do you mean germs or may have touched an animal?