Is husband right that I need psychological help? (Won’t eat outside of home)

[Melessah]

When I was 19 I had a very traumatic experience. I found half a mouse in a ready meal I had bought from a supermarket. It was in a curry. I created a post on twitter and a couple of papers actually picked up the story.

if was obviously very upsetting. I was a university student at the time living off ready meals. After that experience I refused to eat from restaurants, takeaways or supermarkets. I won’t even eat crisps. Everything I eat needs to be 100% “safe”.

Everything I eat is home cooked. I would never buy a ready meal again. I don’t even buy bread from a supermarket. I eat potatoes as my main carb. I eat a lot of eggs (from my mum’s chickens).

Husband obviously knew what he was signing up for when he married me. I do not see myself ever letting my guard down.

Anyway, we were on holiday and he really lost his cool with me. I was eating fruit and boiled eggs and he told me I need help. And that he was getting tired by my the restrictions I place on myself and therefore him.

I have spoken to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I don’t want to be like this. Who is the one that is being unreasonable

I think you need help. I appreciate it wasn’t a nice experience and you may not want to buy ready meals again, but you’ve gone way over the top with it.
You are missing out on meals at restaurants and cafes and it’s clearly affecting your life to some extent.

The fact you were only eating ready meals at uni suggests you were already pretty disordered with your eating then this just tipped you over.
Help is available and will change your life for the better.

Plenty of people home make baby and toddler food.
It feels like your stuck as a teenager, you definitely need help to move on.

There is a faintly boastful tone to the OP’s responses throughout this thread. The reference to the media - not needed - the attitude of ‘he knew what he was getting into’, the boasting about running marathons and being a normal slim weight - what’s that got to do with anything?
And ultimately, the nonchalance of the statement re having seen 7 therapists/specialists with no real progress. I don’t think you really want to progress.

OP you have massive control issues, and I actually think you potentially enjoy the control you have over your H, your family and friends where you effectively dictate what can and can’t be eaten when eating together, where you’re eating etc. Because you know that this severely limits his life and enjoyment of food too.
You had a moment in the spotlight over a dead mouse, it got you lots of attention, and the ongoing control over your eating means you are still getting attention - whether positive or negative - from those around you.

Don’t have kids until you have this completely sorted. It is not fair on them and is a terrible example of control freakery that no kid needs in their lives. And sadly, don’t be surprised if your H leaves you - whatever he thought he was getting into, that shit (and any attention seeking behaviour) wears thin pretty fast.

I really feel for you OP, it sounds horrendous what you’ve been through.

If you want children some day then you must know that you need to try to get better. You can’t make baby food for them forever and you don’t want to pass on disordered eating to them as it will impact their lives too. It wouldn’t be fair on them.

Can you make this your motivation to keep trying to get help? Give yourself a timeframe, that you want children in 5 years or whatever.

I think even if your partner knew what he was getting into it’s still a hard thing for him to live with and he wouldn’t want to see this impacted on his children too.

Agreed those white sauces are horrific tried them once never again ! It was just watery slop with a very strange taste totally ruined what would of been a very tasty lasagne .

Mumsnet is such a WEIRD place!

honestly on most threads you have people getting all neurotic about UPF’s and insisting that children need good home made, cooked from scratch meals in order to be grow and be healthy. That it’s way better and healthier to make your own stuff, and that buying ready made is more expensive and doesn’t taste half as good, etc. so don’t get all the stuff people are saying to OP about how she has an eating disorder and her husband should dump her and she’d damage any future children she might have!

also lots of mumsnetters like to fall over themselves to make out that they don’t care about germs, that they’re so cool about minging stuff like shop assistants licking their fingers to open bags then touching their food to put it into the licked bag, etc.

@Melessah

@Duechristmas

it suggests nothing of the sort. Many students will only eat ready meals or takeaways rather than cook from scratch because they can’t be arsed and have better things to do like go out and get pissed. Maybe not the students of today as generally as a society now we are more health conscious but deffo that’s what it was like ten , twenty years ago. Not an eating disorder.

Tbf the diet is a small part. It's the control around the diet and it's affecting the whole household. I think the husband would be able to provide a hell of a lot more context than the OP has.

He's had enough from the sounds of it. Now he's said it out loud, something has to change or he may well leave.

Did you miss all the stuff about scrubbing vegetables in vinegar and eating fruit and boiled eggs on holiday? It's not about OP choosing to eat a healthy diet without UPFs and preparing food at home rather than buying ready meals. She has serious issues around food. That's what people are responding to.

Most of the people who post on MN about homemade food and healthy diets still eat out once in a while and they aren't washing things in vinegar. OP has imposed severe restrictions on herself and it has nothing to do with a healthy diet. It's about obsessive behaviour around food arising from a traumatic incident with a mouse in a ready meal.

No one is doing the OP any favours by posting about how her diet is healthy and better than eating junk because she needs psychological help for serious issues.

How can you be so sure what you would feel like if you ate some mouse content. There is no need to act you are superior to OP.

Zillion is a criminally underused word.

@Linenpickle

im sure she will get over it just like that 🤌 now you’ve said that. Time to get over it, Op!

Just a side note washing fruit and veg in water with winegar is a what some people do to wash off chemicals. Thats not a weird thing to do per se.

I met an academic in the field who says the most urgent thing we can all do for our dietary health is to wash fruit and veg thoroughly in more than just water to remove the pesticide residue. I didn't have ocd when I spoke to her, so couldn't be arsed to do more than a rinse, but was still horrified to learn about the invisible build-up of chemicals we're all subjecting ourselves to and ghe possible long term effects. Health food shops sell special vegetable wash.

I'm not saying the OP's way of eating is entirely healthy, but I see the same responses on here as I do to my own ocd food habits which are now thankfully less severe. People very aggressively police behaviour around food they see as not normal. People eating in different ways to them challenges their views and makes them defensive, but I don't really understand why. Modern manufactured food really is disgusting and exploitative on many levels, but apparently most of us are very invested in not admitting that.
For example, saying you can't feed kids home made food all the time. Of course you can! How would our generation even exist if that had ever been the case?!
At least in the UK we're fairly good on the industrial food hygiene front, but recalls are very common in the US for all sorts of horrifying reasons, and they're a direct result of corner cutting, money grabbing manufacturing processes.

Home cooking and washing vegetables are all normal but not to the extremes the OP writing about.

I'm wondering why it's an issue for DH - did he belive it would get better or has OP taken a turn for the worse and is in deep denial. I wonder what answers she'd get if she asked others round her - how much worry and concern they have for her and feeling frustrated they can't help her when she clearly ill.

I had friend with anorexia she had one the excessive excerise thing as well she sound reasonable talking about regular excerise but the amount wasn't - that voice in her head was screwing with her perception and was literally trying to kill her and sadly statically it has a good chance of doing so. If it's OCD it's taking up a lot of mental head space and trapping her in a much smaller life.

No-on on here know what the situation really is - all any of us can say it's sounds extreme and seek further medical help with it and hope they hit on something that gives OP even just a bit more freedom round food.

it isn’t the fact she washes stuff or eats home cook food because yes for the most part that is what we all should be doing the majority of the time

the issue is she can’t do anything but that so no parties, no weddings etc. Having a baby is going to be difficult because she can’t eat hospital food.

anything that prevents you living is an issue

I’m frustrated that so many people on this thread seem to be thinking that OP is acting in a deliberate way. EDs are an illness, you wouldn’t be so unsympathetic to somebody with a broken leg.

The OP can’t help the way she acts and it’s not as easy as just breaking her habits and changing overnight. An ED is like the grim reaper sitting on your shoulder shouting at you not to do something - even though it’s irrational and illogical.

OP you have my absolute sympathies but do seek professional help again - it’s normal to go forwards and backwards and it’s normal to bury your head in the sand and/or find it insanely difficult.

EDs are the only illness that teach your brain that what you are doing is acceptable and good for you - that’s why they thrive. In fact, the opposite is true.

Absolutely agree

Here's an article from the Guardian today to back this up.(hold on lol...)

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2025/oct/24/i-was-contaminated-study-reveals-how-hard-it-is-to-avoid-pesticide-exposure

You said in your OP

"I have spoken to a psychologist but it didn’t help."

Who were the other 6 professionals?

ETA: Ahh I see now.

My son exclaimed very loudly the other night that I was "frightened" of meat, because I made him wipe the counter where some raw meat had touched it.
And my daughter has very pointedly suggested that I look up OCD, because I asked her not to leave a heater plugged in overnight.
I also check water out of the tap.
But that's because I have had severe food poisoning in the past, have friends who survived a house fire and in a previous home nearly swallowed water with mouse bones and remnants of skin after a dead mouse had decomposed in the off grid water tank and bones were coming out of the running tap.
I find it bizarre that most people seem OK buying sandwiches and wraps from shops where staff wear gloves to prepare the orders then handle money, before going on to make the next order, without changing the gloves.
If I found half a dead mouse in my curry, mealtimes would never be the same again.

Then you have your answer.

You have allowed yourself to be limited by an irrational fear.

I assume your husband's life is also limited - perhaps he'd like a meal.out every so often, or perhaps he sees you scrubbing foods with vinegar, or maybe he'd like a takeaway or a ready meal or even bread or pasta from a packet to eat. Yes, he knew you before you got married. No, that doesn't mean he has to be on board with it indefinitely. It is irrational, and probably a huge worry for him. It's also something to think about if the two of you ever have a baby - how would your problem affect your child?

You need to seek therapy and really engage with it.

Agree - and what if she can't breastfeed and has to feed formula...

How do they go on holiday?