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Original poster

Is husband right that I need psychological help? (Won’t eat outside of home)

403 replies

Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:44

When I was 19 I had a very traumatic experience. I found half a mouse in a ready meal I had bought from a supermarket. It was in a curry. I created a post on twitter and a couple of papers actually picked up the story.

if was obviously very upsetting. I was a university student at the time living off ready meals. After that experience I refused to eat from restaurants, takeaways or supermarkets. I won’t even eat crisps. Everything I eat needs to be 100% “safe”.

Everything I eat is home cooked. I would never buy a ready meal again. I don’t even buy bread from a supermarket. I eat potatoes as my main carb. I eat a lot of eggs (from my mum’s chickens).

Husband obviously knew what he was signing up for when he married me. I do not see myself ever letting my guard down.

Anyway, we were on holiday and he really lost his cool with me. I was eating fruit and boiled eggs and he told me I need help. And that he was getting tired by my the restrictions I place on myself and therefore him.

I have spoken to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I don’t want to be like this. Who is the one that is being unreasonable

OP posts:
5128gap · 04/12/2025 16:12

I'm so sorry for your experience. Do you want to extend your dietary range? Do you think it would improve your life? Because, if you are to seek help, you need to be doing it because you want to, not because of pressure from your H. The latter will get in the way because you will feel obligated to progress which will put you under greater stress.

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/12/2025 16:12

Melessah · 04/12/2025 15:56

I’m afraid of consuming anything disgusting. Not a fan of seeing them but it’s not the end of the world.

Edited
Show quote history

There’s a part of your subconscious mind that’s working overtime to protect you, in the same way that someone involved in a car accident might refuse to travel by road ever again - it’s a blanket ban so that thing that happened to you can never happen again. You can rewrite this way of thinking, you just need to want to get the help.

Tdcp · 04/12/2025 16:15

My friend found a bit of a finger in his drink once.

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:15

I do want to change. Obviously I know the chances of it happening again are minuscule. It’s obviously very restrictive. If I want crisps for example I have to make them my own.

But I just can never manage to make any significant improvements. I mean I am able to make very very small baby steps for a short period then it all just goes back to the status quo for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:16

I am in great physical health. Ran a marathon this year and am a normal slim weight. If I was gravely ill I’d probably have more of an impetus to change.

OP posts:
shuggles · 04/12/2025 16:16

@Melessah if was obviously very upsetting. I was a university student at the time living off ready meals. After that experience I refused to eat from restaurants, takeaways or supermarkets. I won’t even eat crisps. Everything I eat needs to be 100% “safe”.

Everything I eat is home cooked. I would never buy a ready meal again. I don’t even buy bread from a supermarket. I eat potatoes as my main carb. I eat a lot of eggs (from my mum’s chickens).

Have you considered though that this may be, at least partially, a blessing in disguise?

The UK population eats far too many ready meals and too much processed food. We are not supposed to be eating this food, but we do it anyway.

I can only wish that I was repulsed by ready made and processed food, and that I was only willing to eat home cooked food. It would be a massive boost to my health, and it has likely made you healthy too.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 04/12/2025 16:18

Given that your first paragraph mentions you posting on Twitter about it and the papers picking up, I rather wonder if you've kind of made this your identity - a cute quirk, if you will. Perhaps it was cute when your husband first met you, but I imagine it wore off very quickly. It is life limiting for all around you, and I imagine if you don't get help with it, you may not be married for long.

Bruisername · 04/12/2025 16:19

you’ve taken it to an extreme though

i get not wanting to eat a ready meal again but you’re not eating normally as you have severely restricted what you will eat

did you eat meat before the incident?

does your DH make his own meals or do you not let him have any of your forbidden foods in the house?

romdowa · 04/12/2025 16:19

Ive severe allergies and havent eaten out in years since a restaurant nearly killed me by ignoring my allergies. With your history op I dont blame you for not eating out either. If I found what you did in food , id probably never eat again

x12 · 04/12/2025 16:20

@Melessah I think I read this in the papers! I never bought a ready meal from that supermarket again.

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:20

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 04/12/2025 16:18

Given that your first paragraph mentions you posting on Twitter about it and the papers picking up, I rather wonder if you've kind of made this your identity - a cute quirk, if you will. Perhaps it was cute when your husband first met you, but I imagine it wore off very quickly. It is life limiting for all around you, and I imagine if you don't get help with it, you may not be married for long.

I was a teen who posted something horrible on social media for friends. I didn’t go to the papers myself. Journos saw my post.

i don’t get off on acting this way. What a bloody reach. Very cynical interpretation.

OP posts:
Bradley28 · 04/12/2025 16:20

If you have kids, 100% they will pick up on this. My mum has a very odd and oppressive relationship with food & both me and my sister had really bad eating disorders as teens.

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 16:21

@Melessah do you cook meals at home?

saraclara · 04/12/2025 16:21

The more you tell us, the more obvious it is that this is a very serious eating disorder. I don't know if you plan to have children at some point, but this is the level of disorder that impacts everyone around you, and will have a negative effect on any children.

In my opinion, you definitely need to get some help. It may be that the person who saw you last time wasn't right for you, and things could be very different if you see someone else. Preferably someone very specialised in both eating disorders and trauma.

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:22

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 16:21

@Melessah do you cook meals at home?

I cook A LOT. I make my own ketchup, bread etc

OP posts:
Tiswa · 04/12/2025 16:22

Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:15

I do want to change. Obviously I know the chances of it happening again are minuscule. It’s obviously very restrictive. If I want crisps for example I have to make them my own.

But I just can never manage to make any significant improvements. I mean I am able to make very very small baby steps for a short period then it all just goes back to the status quo for me.

Do you though? Because you seem so fixated on how awful the mouse was and how what happened to you so was awful and unusual!

Let me tell you a whole area of law is literally based on a woman finding a decomposing snail in her bottle of ginger beer - she was so ill she was hospitalised.

What happened was awful but it cannot define your life and your husband clearly has reached a point where he doesn’t want this anymore

so decide what you want

Purplebunnie · 04/12/2025 16:23

That is a horrible horrible experience and yes I do think you will need help to get past this.

How are you with eating something like a salmon fillet? Would this be the same for you as I doubt there would be anything inside it or has it gone beyond something being inside?

Hoping you find some help

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:23

saraclara · 04/12/2025 16:21

The more you tell us, the more obvious it is that this is a very serious eating disorder. I don't know if you plan to have children at some point, but this is the level of disorder that impacts everyone around you, and will have a negative effect on any children.

In my opinion, you definitely need to get some help. It may be that the person who saw you last time wasn't right for you, and things could be very different if you see someone else. Preferably someone very specialised in both eating disorders and trauma.

Edited

I don’t deny my eating is disordered

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 04/12/2025 16:23

Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:15

I do want to change. Obviously I know the chances of it happening again are minuscule. It’s obviously very restrictive. If I want crisps for example I have to make them my own.

But I just can never manage to make any significant improvements. I mean I am able to make very very small baby steps for a short period then it all just goes back to the status quo for me.

What happens to make you go back to the status quo after your baby steps….. what triggers it?

I voted UANBU because you are clearly deeply traumatised by your horrific experience. But two things can be true at the same time, and you simply cannot go through life without addressing your eating disorder.

Please seek professional help. You need someone who is very experienced in this type of phobia and it may take a few attempts to find someone you can trust, but you owe it to yourself to persevere.

Bruisername · 04/12/2025 16:24

you are limiting your life and limiting his - so why wouldn’t you see if you can get help?

ginasevern · 04/12/2025 16:24

You have an eating disorder OP. So, yes, you do need psychological help. Your husband will eventually lose his patience completely. It must be unbelievably restricting and frustrating for him. Trying new restaurants/different cuisines is a huge part of a most people's holidays. But even at home on a day to day basis it must impact his life terribly. You yourself don't want to live like this and all I can say to that is no shit! Making your own crisps, scrubbing and washing veg within an inch of its life, making ketchup etc. Preparing a meal must take you ages. You are also denying yourself treats like ice cream and chocolate, things that make life (literally) a little bit sweeter. Please get help for both your sakes.

Original poster
Melessah · 04/12/2025 16:24

Tiswa · 04/12/2025 16:22

Do you though? Because you seem so fixated on how awful the mouse was and how what happened to you so was awful and unusual!

Let me tell you a whole area of law is literally based on a woman finding a decomposing snail in her bottle of ginger beer - she was so ill she was hospitalised.

What happened was awful but it cannot define your life and your husband clearly has reached a point where he doesn’t want this anymore

so decide what you want

Show quote history

I mean I would obviously love to be able to sit in a restaurant with my husband and actually eat. I don’t feel happy making my husband experience this all with me.

OP posts:
Holdonforsummer · 04/12/2025 16:24

I don’t think there is a right or wrong here - you have a phobia/obsession and your husband finds it annoying. Most people would - the only question is whether you’re prepared to keep trying to get better? I would feel so sad and frustrated thinking I could NEVER go out for a meal with my partner. Would I end a relationship over it? I’m not sure. Have you got children as I think this risks passing on some weird food anxiety to them. Good luck.

ArcticGrass · 04/12/2025 16:25

I can't really relate as eating out, nice food, that someone else has cooked - on holiday or in my local town - is such an important part of my enjoyment of life. Meeting friends for dinner, popping into a cafe after a walk for a scone, having a sandwich lunch at a friend's house.

5128gap · 04/12/2025 16:26

What happens to return you to the status quo after the baby steps? Are you going too fast? If you take baby steps successfully, then you need to make sure you embed them thoroughly as habit before you move on. Say, for example, you manage to eat a safe meal in a resturant, for example, one where you can see every component clearly on your plate, no sauces covering anything, make going and eating there a regular thing and don't try anything else until you're fully confident with that.