Is husband right that I need psychological help? (Won’t eat outside of home)

[Melessah]

When I was 19 I had a very traumatic experience. I found half a mouse in a ready meal I had bought from a supermarket. It was in a curry. I created a post on twitter and a couple of papers actually picked up the story.

if was obviously very upsetting. I was a university student at the time living off ready meals. After that experience I refused to eat from restaurants, takeaways or supermarkets. I won’t even eat crisps. Everything I eat needs to be 100% “safe”.

Everything I eat is home cooked. I would never buy a ready meal again. I don’t even buy bread from a supermarket. I eat potatoes as my main carb. I eat a lot of eggs (from my mum’s chickens).

Husband obviously knew what he was signing up for when he married me. I do not see myself ever letting my guard down.

Anyway, we were on holiday and he really lost his cool with me. I was eating fruit and boiled eggs and he told me I need help. And that he was getting tired by my the restrictions I place on myself and therefore him.

I have spoken to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I don’t want to be like this. Who is the one that is being unreasonable

I’m just using the marathon example to show I’m physically well. I have good skin etc. My bloodwork is always good as is my blood pressure, cholesterol etc

I don’t deny I have issues

It’s not your fault that you feel the way you do, but it is your fault that you aren’t being persistent in getting treatment when it’s impacting on your loved ones (not to mention yourself!).

I have / had various mental health issues from trauma - while its not my fault that it happened, it’s solely my responsibility to get it resolved and ensure that it doesn’t impact on other people.

Because it was prepackaged food and there could have been rats running around it.
I feel people are being rather unfair to the OP. I know people who won’t eat pre prepared food for religious reasons/health reasons. It’s not that uncommon. Not eating out is rough on everyone but I do get it in a way.
Therapy might be helpful. But sending love OP.

Have your specialists worked in trauma, phobias or eating disorders?

If you could get to a point where you’re okay eating food you’ve tipped into another bowl and picked through it would be huge for your quality of life

I think you need to change your mindset about whether recovery is possible.

Millions of people have recovered from far worse trauma than this, and I don’t say that to undermine your experience but to make it clear that if people can recover from massive trauma, the idea that you can’t is not logical and is just what your brain is telling you because it’s scared of trying to change.

I have to agree with your husband. Your eating behaviour is affecting your daily life. Seeking to resolve that would be a healthy thing to do. It affects you, but also your husband. You have to want to do so.

I don’t understand why he feels the restrictions are on him ? He can eat what he likes ??!!
I have eating disorders and severe allergies and intolerances. Dh still goes out and eats whatever he likes on holiday we just have different things I usually take safe food from home and it’s a total non issue.

Get therapy for yourself if you want to try and increase your safe foods but I’m puzzled why your dh has been the way he has ?

I think the responses are led by how this all started with the trauma of the mouse.
Because most people are saying it’s really weird.
but if you remove the mouse trauma, all the op is actually saying is that she cooks every single thing from scratch.
which is perfectly normal and healthy.

It is not "perfectly healthy" to say "I don’t want to be like this."

@arethereanyleftatall she washes things in vinegar, can't eat out (and that doesn't have to be unhealthy junk food)

As someone who went from being brave and adventurous to almost developing fears and phobias and aversion I completely know where you are coming from. Its debilitating isn't it.
Wecknow you need help and so do you but it's hard to articulate how you feel or why you feel that way,it's a very complex thing. Speak to your GP and ask for a referral.
I think there's more to this than the mouse incident; you were a teenager away from home and probably under a lot of stress studying for your degree, of course anyone would be freaked out by what you saw but that was amplified by the aforementioned factors.
You've developed a coping strategy that's worked for you

To never be able enjoy a meal out with a partner is pretty restrictive. Eating out alone or with a person who doesn't eat would totally spoil it for most people.

I'd say the OP's DH has the patience and tolerance of a saint.

Yes, you do need help.
Contact BEAT the charity for eating disorders for a chat and also perhaps look in your local area for qualified CBT practitioners who can help you with this phobia.

I don't think it's too extreme to want to eat only food you have prepared yourself or trust, it means you're not having anything processed, it's more likely to be locally sourced etc.
Are you comfortable if e.g. your parents prepare food for you?
Are you vegetarian?
I didn't understand the bit about bring on holiday. Were you in a restaurant eating eggs and fruit, or had you had to eat in self-catering? Is your husband's main issue that you can't go out for meals together?

Your question is redundant because of course it's you being unreasonable. No one will deny what happened to you was awful and probably traumatic, but your response to it is not normal.

I do hope you don't place the same restrictions on your DH and you allow him to have "unsafe" foods at home to eat. His sympathies must be running thin and possibly there will come a time when he decides enough is enough if it goes on. Please take advice from the people on this thread who have made suggestions about the correct experts to consult. Should you ever have to spend time in hospital, or another environment where you can't access your restricted diet, you'll have real problems.

You haven't stated your intentions in this direction, but please don't have children anytime soon. Even if you allow them to have "unsafe" foods, you'll mentally damage them from experiencing how you behave around food. Good luck with seeking help.

I'm surprised you're not being applauded for not eating any UPFs OP. Your diet sounds a lot healthier than most of the population.

Maybe get help so you can go out for meals etc, but it really doesn't sound like that much of a big deal to me. Everyone's just being dramatic (as usual).

Maybe it’s just my circles, but lots of people I know are starting to wash fruit etc in more than water, but with vinegar, bicarbonate of soda etc due to the pesticides. I couldn’t be arsed but I’ve seen the TikTok’s.

Perhaps hypnotherapy would help? It helped me massively with a fear.

This is what I was trying to say. Reword the op in a positive light and people would be eager to applaud.

I can understand why you feel the way you do, but it’s not anywhere near normal in how you approach food. I say this kindly and gently, but you would benefit massively from some help and support to work through how you feel and hopefully end up with a better relationship around food.

You must know YABU?

You’d drive me bonkers. Your poor DH.

Tbf your diet sounds quite nutritious. But it is very restrictive for you and the people around you to never be able to eat out or quickly grab something from the supermarket. I guess you can't participate if friends invite you out for a birthday meal, or a colleague brings in a cake. I agree that you should seek psychological help to stop limiting your life.

Fair enough to never eat a ready meal again. But I do think you need some help to start approaching eating out ‘normally.’ Would a place like a sushi restaurant that has the gimmick of food being freshly made in front of you be something to attempt? Could you even try to get a simple sandwich from a sandwich bar where it’s also made in front of you?

I was at university with someone who had this issue and many years on still has it.
Personally I wouldn’t eat ready meals or disgusting pre packed sandwiches and most of the Christmas party food revolts me; we can all have issues around food.
But yours is making you and your husband unhappy so I’d say get some kind supportive help. Hypnotherapy might fit the bill - it has helped me in the past.

Well, it sounds like you know you have a problem and have engaged with professionals before. What happened? Did you stay engaged with them? Do you have kids or if not, want kids? Because this could seriously impact them, which, if I were you, would be my biggest worry.