To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

[SparklyLimeHair]

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

Is the plan for the children to finally be placed back with their parent/s?

have you checked with your LA that you will definitely get allowance and how long for. Would work help with adoption leave or a sabbatical?

Is there a way you could either go part time, or take 'adoption leave' for a year whilst things settle down? (Note I know you aren't adopting but maybe you could work out an agreement with your company to do something similar under the circumstances).

How old are your nieces and nephews? Are they with you for the long haul? Can you take a sabbatical from work?

I would maybe ask work for a sabbatical leaving your position open for you to come back to? In the current jon market it might be really hard to go back in at a similar level in a new company if you’ve had a long break

No. They are with me long term.

I haven’t adopted them so I’m not legally entitled to adoption leave and my employer won’t improve anything else. And even if I did take leave, when I go back to work I would still have the same problems with all of the social services meetings and the children’s appointments and the fostering training.

People do manage, but caring for 3 children who presumably had some considerable upheaval on their lives doesn't fit well round a high demand job. Could you drop your hours or take a sabbatical in case you want to return? I would have a conversation with your employer. They might say the door is open if you wanted to return. Or keep in touch by doing a bit of consultancy.

You haven’t said what the long term intention is for the children but leaving seems drastic. Could you drop to two or three days? Perhaps you could do a job share that way. Or take a six month/one year sabbatical?

Will the meetings and training continue at this pace for ever? Probably not - things should settle ?

would your employer consider a sabbatical, or say 3 days a week for a few months , or additional family leave ? how much have you discussed this with them ?

Niece’s are 2 and 9 and nephew is 11

Have you taken the adoption and unpaid family leave you can? Given you enjoy it, I’d really absolutely try and avoid the nuclear option. Kids only get more expensive as they get older. 4 days is a good balance - when the appts settle, you should be ok.

can you talk to SS re the unreasonable workload of appts and training - I’m sure they can’t really want you to give up work either?

have you outsourced cleaning, simplified cooking, basically gone through all the other parental adjustments of lowering expectations on non essentials?

Work won’t approve a job share and won’t let me drop to less days than my current 4 days. The children are with me long term, it’s been a year already.

Posted before I saw they are with you long term but I still think part time is a better choice than leaving. Gives you the option to go back if you wanted, keeps up your pension contributions, holiday pay, sick pay, etc.

@SparklyLimeHair have you heard of Kinship? It’s a charity that supports kinship carers and offers lots of support and training and advice for people in your position and lots of peer support. Perhaps they might have some suggestions about how things can be managed?

kinship.org.uk

Would a SGO be appropriate? That could cut down the number of meetings (but also probably stop fostering allowance unless you can negotiate otherwise). However may not be appropriate for all sorts of reasons.

Would an easier job on less money work for a few years so you have more than just the foster money but not your original salary amount?

I would have a frank conversation with current employers and ask about a sabbatical and also a frank talk with your social worker.

Might be regarded by HR as equivalent to Adoption/Maternity, too.

Other than that, it sounds like you could have very marketable skills to go to their direct competitors - who if they want you, will be far more likely to approve FT with more WFH.

I read your updates, it sounds like you may have to make a hard decision. You would save money in childcare by not working, foster pay for 3 children should be a reasonable amount. If your employer can't be flexible it's very hard. I say that as an adopter who had many years of working part time around the endless appointments.

SGO is not appropriate at the moment. I can’t go in to too much detail on here about why though, sorry.

I can understand they won’t let you drop in your current role. But surely it is possible to 2.5 to 3 days at a much lower level. Maybe your income is going to take a massive hit for a few years, but there will be no gap in employment and at the right time you’ll be able to flex back up.

Yes I’ve spoke to them previously and am planning to try and speak to them again.

Ah sounds like you might have already used some work leave if they have been with you a year. If they are going to be with you long term, I think I would decide to leave too if I had exhausted every way oh trying to get support from work.

It doesn't sound like you want to leave your job, and I am doubtful you or they want to live on a foster carers salary - I think you'd be nuts, basically.

I'd take a giant step back, and -

Raise merry hell with your employer re adoption leave. What multinational corporation wants the bad publicity of refusing adoption/compassionate leave to an employee kind enough to take on three kids?! None I would say - you are just talking to people too low on the food chain. Get advice from an HR consultant / your union (pay for it if you have to) and negotiate some leave and some staggered return to work.

Raise merry hell with SS, again, get yourself to the top of the food chain - you have a job that you need in order to support these kids and so meetings have to be arranged on X days and that is it. In exceptional circs, you will try and arrange a zoom on another day. Do you they want to find another placement for these kids? No they do not. This one might be tougher to achieve than your work, because of so many agencies being involved but I bet you can improve it 80% given time and toughness.

Do you have good childcare and enough help with outsourcing household tasks, get that in place if not.

You may eventually want to look for a more flexi career, but you want to do that while you are still employed, and ideally after the initial shitstorm has calmed down.

I was thinking about this too but my employer doesn’t have any other suitable roles at the moment unfortunately.