To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

[SparklyLimeHair]

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

Ultimately op the young lives of such beautiful and vulnerable children will be more important than money - despite the injustice of having to choose. You have already done the most loving and honourable thing despite it personally costing you a great deal already.

You sound intelligent, professional and capable - if you really can’t see a way forward with this current arrangement how would you feel about studying? Retraining? Using the time to invest in yourself and future career? You can keep looking for a different kind of role in the meantime.

At some point this will get easier, they will become older, and things will settle.

Thank God for people like you, truly.

Keep going if you can. Is there an equivalent of adoption leave? Or would your employer let you take a sabbatical/an unpaid leave of absence for a year or go down to 3 days a week flexed over 5 days?

You need to keep an income and your pension going. Well done on taking on your young relatives; it can’t be easy and I’m sure they’ll be very grateful in the long run.

My employer has also refused a sabbatical unfortunately.

It’s just so full on and I don’t think it’s sustainable anymore alongside my full time job. Something has to give but I don’t want to give up fostering so that only leaves my job but I don’t really want to give up my job either.

If you’re on a decent salary right now can you get a nanny to help for 3 days a week? Or an au pair?

A nanny or au pair are not options unfortunately due to circumstances.

This. It is a major PR disaster for a global multinational given your circs and the children’s predicament.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to the media though and I’m not sure what social services would think about that either.

Would an SGO give you more flexibility but possibly less social care involvement but crucially less support?

I hope your colleague is ok. I’ve spoken to kinship before but I am going to contact them again and see if they have any more advice again. I’ve already tried speaking to our Chief Operating Officer but I could try speaking to our CEO possibly, the company as a whole is just not very flexible though so I’m not hopeful even if I speak to the CEO as the company and HR and our Chief Operating Officer have rejected everything I’ve suggested so far and they are not being supportive at all.

An SGO isn’t appropriate at the moment either due to circumstances.

I will also need to work out if it’s possible to manage on the fostering allowances if I quit my job.

Are you in touch with family rights group or similar they may offer some helpful advice? Also would you be entitled to any benefits? That might help. You probably right in recognising that a full on demanding role is untenable whilst caring for 3 kids, what does your SSW say?

It's so unreasonable of your company.

I would never normally suggest stress leave but under these circumstances. Why not? Take the sick leave policy for as long as possible and then seek a payoff.

You need to put family first.

In the end though there are other jobs out there, but only one chance for your DC to have a stable home for the rest of their childhood. You are a very capable person to have got to HOD in the first place, but if your employer isn't flexible around families, it's impossible going forward. I have just about held onto my job through our adoption journey and that included a 30 month sabbatical, very flexible working and a very supportive partner. I would always advise someone to keep options open but you need to be there for the DC and it's up to SS to make sure you are financially able to do it. It sounds like you have exhausted your employer's options.

You are right, too, do not drag the kids into the tabloids!!! [Shock]

This is insane. How do SS think normal single parents manage? Of course someone should be able to work and raise three children. Even following trauma, what they most likely need is stability and security, not meetings every 5 minutes. Surely, a year into living with a trusted relative, that relative can be left to geet on with it for the most part.

I’m going to speak to the supervising social worker again tomorrow.

It’s not that easy unfortunately. This is why I’m on the verge of quitting my job at this point and just becoming a full time kinship foster carer.

I am going to have to work out if it’s possible to manage on just the fostering allowances.

I find this so frustrating. A man wouldn’t have this problem. A) he likely wouldn’t have been asked for this role as a foster carer but if he was, a company would bend over backwards to accommodate his new caring role.

is there any chance you can say this? It suggests you having to leave is down to your sex as a woman as opposed to anything else which is a protected characteristic. It’s worth a try.

I’ve already tried this approach with my employer and it didn’t make any difference unfortunately.

I'm sorry OP it sounds as if you're at the end of the road with your company and adjustments they are willing to consider (it's rubbish they won't consider job share, I think I read the head of MI5 is a job share so it can work very well at very senior levels. Sadly though your employer sounds inflexible and a bit old fashioned).

Equally, it sounds as if you can't carry on as you are with working 4 days and doing the fostering role when that entails so much (time wise, energy wise and emotionally). And (very understandably) the options of paid childcare are off the table.

So I think, sadly, the job is going to have to be the thing that gives. But I agree with those posters who've experience with fostering / the care system about talking to your local authority before you do anything to let them know the position you're in and to try and get as much financial support from them as possible.

I'm sorry you're in this position of having to give up a job you love. But with your work being so solid in their responses I'm not sure you have any other option here.

It does sound like you’re heavily leaning towards leaving your job. Depending how long you have been in your role it might be worth instigating a without prejudice conversation with your employers for you to leave with a settlement agreement. Their lack of flexibility is shocking and if you are prepared to play hard ball it could give you some leverage to get an enhanced package which could help financially as you adjust.
It sounds like working is positive for your mental health and wellbeing so one other thing to consider is if you left could you do some form of self employed consulting to keep your skills relevant but with considerably less hours?

You need to get help in. Nanny, cleaners etc to help lighten your load. I wouldn’t quit the job just yet - getting back into the workplace after time out is brutal and you will unlikely to be able to go back to the salary you are on. Do as many meetings online as you can.

I don’t want to quit my job I really don’t. But I don’t see what other options I have at this point.

I’m not sure if my employer would agree for me to leave with a settlement agreement but I could try if I do leave my job.