To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

[SparklyLimeHair]

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

No one is suggesting the current system is optimal. But putting kids in the care of people who can't care for them is not helpful for the children or the potential foster carers. For children, usually the most damaging thing we do is move them from their parents (even when it's the right thing, it has a huge impact) The second most damaging thing we do is move them around foster placements after they have started to build a bond. And that's what will happen if you put children with people who aren't around enough to care for them. As the previous poster said, these children often can't cope with routine childcare, might need to come home from school early, might need to have a part time timetable at school. What good is money for therapy if your job won't allow you time off to take the child to a weekly therapy appointment? What do you do if the child doesn't do well in wrap around care, just drop them off in the morning and refuse to pick them up?

Many foster carers live in nice areas and have good professions whilst fostering, the two things are incompatible. The fact that you have to have a spare bedroom means the people fostering are not poor! But it's typically people who have two parents and one works and one is part time or a SAHP, or people who are retired or nearing retirement.

There are enough people on the 'stately homes' thread to tell you that having money, on its own, is not enough. It's almost as if social services consider children's needs holistically instead of assuming we fix poor children by giving them to rich children. But I appreciate that doesn't fit the lazy social services bashing on the thread, none of which is any help to the OP. It's also ignoring the fact that social services pay people to foster in order to help for the impact on wages. And as I've also posted, the OPs work is particularly unusual in how inflexible they are being, in not allowing her to take a step back into a lower pressure or part time role. Most employers have some sort of policies or flexibility around childcare including fostering and adoption.

Again, tell me you know nothing about care experienced kids. The reasons for poor outcomes are many and complex. What we do know is that lasting bonds with engaged, attentive care givers makes a difference. People who foster need to be able to give children the time, care and attention they need over the course of their childhood. Maintaining a high level professional career on top of that is incredibly difficult if not impossible in most cases.

I do know a little. I take many of your points on board. You sound like you have far greater experience.

Perhaps my views are askew because what I witnessed was sub-par care at every level within the system and a complete lack of urgency or interest in the stable teens academic achievement or aspirations.

I’ve quit my job. Told my employer yesterday that I’m resigning. Not sure if I’ve done the right thing or not though, I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I think we would probably find that we’re not that far apart in our views in reality - or at least in thinking there needs to be far more investment in this area.

I wish you all the best. You’re doing a great thing for the children.

I'm so sorry your employer wouldn't find a way to accommodate you in the short term. It seems very unfair.

I think what you are doing for these children is absolutely wonderful and says a lot abour how fantastic and selfless a person you are.

I really hope that over time everything works out for both you and them. Hopefully when everything settles over time, you will be able to work again.

It reallt does seem so unfair that you suffer financially for doing such a wonderful thing.

These children are so lucky to have you.

Wishing you all the best @SparklyLimeHair I hope (perhaps after a break) you can find work that is a better fit for you while the children are young, that still allows you some fulfillment in your career. Taking on someone else's child is huge, taking on three is amazing, and they're very lucky to have you.

Good luck @SparklyLimeHair - I’d hope that you can leave on good terms and with contacts to get in touch with when things eventually settle. Make sure you add everyone you can to your LinkedIn before you go! Here’s to a peaceful new year.

I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing by quitting my job.

But you are not a foster carer, you're a kinship carer. You aren't getting paid full foster carer rate, SS are saving money (and a lot of hassle) by having you care for your relatives.
I would ask for another meeting with the Director and lay out for them exactly what you are saving CS by having the children to live with you. Let them know that you understand the implications for SS if you were to say that you can't accommodate them any more.
I'm sorry, you are not the only kinship carer who is asked to jump through ridiculous hoops by SS. It's as though they know that you won't give the children up, so put upon you more. If you were to adopt the children SS would just leave you to get on with it, there is very little support for adoptive families.

@Pearlstillsinging what makes you think that related foster carers get lower rates than unrelated foster carers?

You have said yourself many many times that you thought your only option was to quit.
Whilst it would have been nice of your employer to be more flexible, you said yourself you weren't doing your contracted hours and not all jobs can be flexible and that isn't really fair on them, what you are doing is great but it's not your employers problem.
You probably need to take some time, take stock and at least now you can try to think clearly about what you doing the new year.
Good luck

Sorry to hear it has come to this OP, and that your employer wasn’t more supportive, but I think you’ve made the decision that feels most right to you. You are doing such a special thing for your family, wishing that it works out well in the end for you all.

You are wrong.

There is a difference between informal kinship carers (eg grandma picked the kids up one day and has been caring for them ever since) and OP, who is formally assessed and appointed by social care as a foster carer for children she had a pre-existing relationship. This makes her a paid foster carer like any other foster carer.

I work in residential childcare and care for three children. I couldn’t imagine caring for them all as a foster carer and also working with the amount of meetings etc that you have to go to plus the level of support they require. It’s very demanding.