Page 8 | “Oh, I donated to charity for your gift…”

RabbitsNBears · 2025-12-02T18:28:49+00:00

Just had this line for the first time this year, I don’t like it for a few reasons - - The charities I support are never considered. Surely a donation should go to causes dear to the recipient not the giver. - Call me selfish, but I want a present I can enjoy, I can donate money if I feel I want to. A present should be a treat. - It smacks of people being too lazy to actually think of gift, buy it, and wrap it… it’s far easier to say you made a donation. - I’m doubtful people bother to actually make the donation in many cases. It just seems like something people do to make themselves feel good. Of course charities are deserving, but put your hand in your own pocket if you feel moved to donate. I'm happy to just axe gift exchanges with people and each of us make a donation to our chosen charities privately, but being blindsided with the fact I’m not actually getting a present after I spent a good deal of time and effort picking the perfect gift for SIL and wrapping it really rankles.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/12/2025 23:19

What irks me a bit is two couples I know, who virtuously announce that instead of sending cards this year, they’re ‘saving the planet’’ and donating the money to charity, instead.

Which is all fine and dandy, except that I know they have plenty of money and could easily afford to do both, but they just can’t be arsed to sit and write cards. And as for saving the planet, they all take plenty of holiday flights, including long haul, every year.

Which is also fair enough, but it’d be nice if they could admit it.

OhDear111 · 02/12/2025 23:24

@Downunderduchess I don’t particularly support a charity supplying goats. It’s what they wanted. I think they did give the money but it’s nothing to do with us. There are charities we do support but they aren’t the big ones. I don’t mind no presents.

HoppityBun · 02/12/2025 23:30

EBearhug · 02/12/2025 23:00

I used to give adults CAF vouchers, so they could give them to the registered charity of their choice (rather than mine,) but they seemed to stop doing them a few years ago.

Actually I’d have loved that as a present

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/12/2025 23:30

RabbitsNBears · 02/12/2025 18:33

Unfortunately I can't do that. I was well and truly blindsided. We had our Christmas get together and gift exchange with DB and SIL early this year as they have a fabulous holiday to Australia and New Zealand planned - they leave on Thursday and don't come back until mid January!!!! That line came out after we had already handed our gifts over...

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No more gifts for her. Ever.

InterestedDad37 · 02/12/2025 23:47

I want an actual goat. Wrapped up, under the tree, so I can donate it to whoever I choose. 🙂

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 07:41

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/12/2025 23:30

No more gifts for her. Ever.

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Everyone says the joy is in giving - but it's not is it?

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 07:50

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/12/2025 23:19

What irks me a bit is two couples I know, who virtuously announce that instead of sending cards this year, they’re ‘saving the planet’’ and donating the money to charity, instead.

Which is all fine and dandy, except that I know they have plenty of money and could easily afford to do both, but they just can’t be arsed to sit and write cards. And as for saving the planet, they all take plenty of holiday flights, including long haul, every year.

Which is also fair enough, but it’d be nice if they could admit it.

What irks me is that when I have told my friends well in advance (10 years ago - joy!) that I won't be doing cards because I find them tedious to write, especially when I am handing them over personally -some of my card writing friends still make little passive aggressive comments every year about not receiving a card from me - honestly the season of goodwill often feels more like the season of mutually transactional tatt. Who's going to be as rude as me in saying the find it dull to write 100 cards a year😏 - I bet the honesty wouldn't make you feel better.

saraclara · 03/12/2025 07:52

Howtogetthrough · 02/12/2025 18:35

I'm actually very much in favour of donating money to charity rather than buying Christmas presents for adults.

Reading some of the threads on MN about the grasping behaviour of quite a few posters who seem to think they are entitled to multiple and expensive gifts, and even compile gift lists, has only strengthened my feelings that I'd much rather give my money to charity.

You have this backwards.

If you prefer giving to charity, then you ask those who would otherwise give you a gift, to give the same amount to charity instead.. You do not donate the gift that you'd otherwise have given them.

Luxio · 03/12/2025 07:53

Who's going to be as rude as me in saying the find it dull to write 100 cards a year

I would imagine no one will because that's an obscene amount. Why are you writing 100 cards a year? Cards to a few good friends and some relatives is what most do surely? Are you sending them to everyone you know?

lottiegarbanzo · 03/12/2025 07:56

They’ve got it the wrong way around and are being lazy and selfish, obviously.

You can request charity donations instead of gifts for yourself. The end.

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 08:00

Wowwee1234 · 02/12/2025 18:52

I've given to charity, a different one every year, for the last 30 years for Christmas instead of buying tat for family who don't need or want it. My sisters assumed I gave little or nothing. Imagine their surprise when I revealed we give hundreds.

A lot of thought goes into picking which charity each year - something topical, important, and where our donation will make a genuine difference.

I would be thrilled if anyone else did the same for me and OPI think your attitude is miserly and self-centred.

You publicly revealed all your charitable donations over 30 years? I'm sure they were quite surprised at the massive big pat on the back you were giving yourself!😂

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 08:07

Luxio · 03/12/2025 07:53

Who's going to be as rude as me in saying the find it dull to write 100 cards a year

I would imagine no one will because that's an obscene amount. Why are you writing 100 cards a year? Cards to a few good friends and some relatives is what most do surely? Are you sending them to everyone you know?

When I stopped I had 65 first cousins (close to about 30 of those)...18 aunts and uncles, 20 friends I see regularly, 6 sets of neighbours, 10 people who help me out. 2 sets of grandparents. 5 siblings, 4 sets of in-laws, 2 Teachers, 4 Class helpers.

I was very happy to stop that nonsense. I send one card now to my mother.

BatchCookBabe · 03/12/2025 09:32

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/12/2025 23:19

What irks me a bit is two couples I know, who virtuously announce that instead of sending cards this year, they’re ‘saving the planet’’ and donating the money to charity, instead.

Which is all fine and dandy, except that I know they have plenty of money and could easily afford to do both, but they just can’t be arsed to sit and write cards. And as for saving the planet, they all take plenty of holiday flights, including long haul, every year.

Which is also fair enough, but it’d be nice if they could admit it.

Exactly what I said earlier in the thread. Just admit you CBA to get cards, write them out, and hand deliver them/give them to people. Cut out this 'I'm giving to charrriideeee' bollocks. No-one seriously believes that anyone is actually giving to charity, instead of giving Christmas cards, or gifts, surely?!

As has been said, it's virtue signalling at its worst.

(Sits back and waits for the flurry of posts from posters claiming that when THEY stop giving cards, they absolutely DO 'give to charrriideeee!' 😆

.

BatchCookBabe · 03/12/2025 09:43

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 07:41

Everyone says the joy is in giving - but it's not is it?

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Thing is, there's a fine line between 'you shouldn't give to receive,' and being mugged off by people who will happily take take take, gift after gift, and not feel bad about never buying one back, under the guise of 'well you don't give to receive... right..?'

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 10:09

BatchCookBabe · 03/12/2025 09:32

Exactly what I said earlier in the thread. Just admit you CBA to get cards, write them out, and hand deliver them/give them to people. Cut out this 'I'm giving to charrriideeee' bollocks. No-one seriously believes that anyone is actually giving to charity, instead of giving Christmas cards, or gifts, surely?!

As has been said, it's virtue signalling at its worst.

(Sits back and waits for the flurry of posts from posters claiming that when THEY stop giving cards, they absolutely DO 'give to charrriideeee!' 😆

.

Edited

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I don't claim charity - I claim I can't be arsed - but then that doesn't go down well either. Fucking hate Christmas Cards. Keep the bastards to yourselves, clogging up the recycling. Better?😂

Spacesthatsing · 03/12/2025 10:24

BatchCookBabe · 03/12/2025 09:43

Thing is, there's a fine line between 'you shouldn't give to receive,' and being mugged off by people who will happily take take take, gift after gift, and not feel bad about never buying one back, under the guise of 'well you don't give to receive... right..?'

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I don't want to give or receive - genuinely - I need nothing.
I don't enjoy spending time trying to guess what other people want too. It's not about the money - I have plenty of that - it's about how I spend my time and I find shopping for gifts to be a mild form of torture.

Grammarninja · 03/12/2025 11:23

Howtogetthrough · 02/12/2025 20:05

I really don't understand your reasoning that it is the receivers money. That is taking materialism to a real extreme. It makes gift giving sound even more distasteful than usual.

When I donate money to charity at Christmas as a gift I usually buy a virtual gift and there is a card which describes what the donated money will buy for the charity.
And I give that card to the person to show what the gift is.

I don't see what the problem is with that.

Any decent person would be glad that money which could have been spent on an item they don't really need, or could have bought themselves if they really wanted it, is actually going to do some good in the world.

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You are giving money to charity not a gift to a person. They're simply not the same thing. The person doesn't even get to choose the charity. How can you not see that your gift is to the recipient of the charity, not the person who gets the piece of paper which is simply a receipt of you donating your money to charity?

Dancingsquirrels · 03/12/2025 14:22

BatchCookBabe · 02/12/2025 21:53

YANBU @RabbitsNBears It's like these insufferable articles who post 'I'm not giving any Christmas cards this year, I'm giving a donation to charity!' Firstly, why can you not give a donation to charity as well as giving cards? (You can get a pack of 30 Christmas cards for about two quid!) And also, no-one believes you're giving money to charity mate. 😂 Just admit you're too tight fisted and lazy to buy cards, and write them out.

disclaimer; it's fine to not send Christmas cards in the post with the price of stamps now! You can still give cards to people you can hand the cards to though - (or post one through their letterbox(s.)

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Edited

Oh yes, this gives me the rage

The vast majority of people I know can well afford to donate to charity and give Christmas cards. They are not mutually exclusive

So, if you don't wish to send Christmas cards, that's fine, but have the confidence to own your decision, instead of passing it off as virtuous

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 14:32

Howtogetthrough · 02/12/2025 18:53

But that was your choice to do that OP.

She chose to gift in the way she wanted to.

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Surely she should have asked OP which charity she supports, if the gift is supposed to be for OP. What if SIL chose a Catholic charity and OP is a staunch atheist?

BatchCookBabe · 03/12/2025 14:48

Grammarninja · 03/12/2025 11:23

You are giving money to charity not a gift to a person. They're simply not the same thing. The person doesn't even get to choose the charity. How can you not see that your gift is to the recipient of the charity, not the person who gets the piece of paper which is simply a receipt of you donating your money to charity?

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Exactly. It's is NOT a gift to someone, to give to a charity of YOUR choice. Load of tosh. And I don't believe most people will give to charity anyway.

Even if they do, I bet they will only give £20, whilst saving 100s of pounds not giving gifts to people. 😆 As has been said, just don't give cards or gifts if you don't want to, and stop the (faux) virtuous shite.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 15:21

Howtogetthrough · 02/12/2025 20:41

The charities i support are hardly controversial.
If the person I give the gift too has a problem with helping working donkeys in the third world, Unicef, or organisations helping prevent animal cruelty, or supporting vulnerable people at Christmas I 'd like to know. Because if they did object then they wouldn't be the type of person I would really like to have anything much to do with.

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If I wanted to donate to charity instead of buying gifts for people, I would either tell the people for whom I normally buy presents that I am donating to charity this year instead of buying them presents so please don't buy me anything or I would ask my friends/family to donate to my preferred charities instead of buying me a gift. I would then buy them something that they would like.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 15:42

Howtogetthrough · 02/12/2025 20:56

No wonder so many charities are struggling for income if the attitude towards them displayed on this thread is typical of society as a whole.

The selfishness and self centeredness of people today is truly depressing. Instead of Christmas being a time for kindness and caring it's really all about nastiness, resentment and materialism.

This thread has left a really nasty taste in my mouth.

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Don't be so melodramatic. You can donate to whichever charities you choose, but don't tell people that it's your gift to them. It's actually your gift to the charity and you are the one feeling a sense of satisfaction from donating.

OP doesn't even know which charity has received her SIL's donation, if any.

Grammarninja · 03/12/2025 16:17

BatchCookBabe · 03/12/2025 14:48

Exactly. It's is NOT a gift to someone, to give to a charity of YOUR choice. Load of tosh. And I don't believe most people will give to charity anyway.

Even if they do, I bet they will only give £20, whilst saving 100s of pounds not giving gifts to people. 😆 As has been said, just don't give cards or gifts if you don't want to, and stop the (faux) virtuous shite.

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Hear hear!

Grammarninja · 03/12/2025 16:21

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 15:42

Don't be so melodramatic. You can donate to whichever charities you choose, but don't tell people that it's your gift to them. It's actually your gift to the charity and you are the one feeling a sense of satisfaction from donating.

OP doesn't even know which charity has received her SIL's donation, if any.

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Completely agree. I donate all the time but I'd never try to pass it off as a gift! By some of these MN posters' notions, I should be taking photos when I give the homeless man outside my local shop a tenner and send it to my family as their Christmas/birthday gift! 🙄

Grammarninja · 03/12/2025 16:36

People who give, give. If they like the idea of gifting, they probably like giving to charity too. If you prefer the idea of money going to charity over gifts then make sure to let anyone who's likely to buy a gift for you, that that's the case. It's much better that the donations to charities be the gifts to those that want it that way.