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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That if we are not good enough for Christmas Day, then also not good enough for Boxing Day?

272 replies

ChristmasFakeOff · 02/12/2025 09:15

A pattern has emerged with my in-laws.

"MIL/ FiL would you like to come to our house/ go out for dinner for Christmas Day/ Easter Sunday/ your birthday?" We always ask early e.g. in Sept for this Christmas.

Their response is always "Oh, we don't know what we are doing yet. We will wait to see if XXXX (their DD) invites us, our wants to do something with us. We will let you know". So, if DD offers, they go there, if they don't they either go away, or spend it with us.

FYI I know not of any issue, or anything we have done wrong, except that they massively favour their DD over my DH. DH pretends not to notice, but I do and it enrages me.

So, they are spending a few days with their DD, and then have said they will come to us on Boxing Day. SIL and boyfriend are going to his family on Boxing Day, otherwise we'd get the 27th/ 28th.

Well, what if Boxing Day is not convenient with ME? My traditions are that we go out and do an activity and then out for dinner on Christmas Eve, then home in time for snuggles on the sofa and a movie and choccies, and get ready for Santa (OK it's evolved as my DC are a bit older). Christmas Day is the mother of all roasts, a walk, eat your body weight in choccies, and play games. Boxing Day is chill out on the sofa, watch movies, and chuck all the leftovers on the dining room table to graze on all day with a few extras on top. Since I've done most of the woman work, Boxing Day is chill for me. A bottle of wine, movies and grazing our buffet in my onesie. My in-laws are invited to all the above.

This Christmas we will have extra people (they don't know this) and so it is going to be a lot of work. DH has told them they can come on Boxing Day, but I have said I am not hosting and doing Christmas Day all over again.

AIBU to say that if you are constantly asked to join us on Christmas Day, and decline for a better offer, then you can't expect us to host you at that level on another day or Boxing Day?

OP posts:
b0mbayb1cycleclub · 02/12/2025 09:16

Totally agree

Fizzypop88 · 02/12/2025 09:17

Totally agree that’s really unfair - their invite was for Christmas Day, not Boxing Day. You deserve to put your feet up on Boxing Day!

NormasArse · 02/12/2025 09:17

I was going to say what’s the difference, but I think you are quite within your rights to insist on a chillout day for yourself! They can invite you another day if they want to see you.

Swiftie1878 · 02/12/2025 09:19

Just tell them what your Boxing Day looks like and to bring their onesies!

Newgirls · 02/12/2025 09:19

Yep they’re annoying. it’s up to DH to sort Boxing Day food tho - put some jackets in of whatever. Then onesie day is the next day or that evening? They prob won’t spend long which is a win surely!

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 02/12/2025 09:20

If you don't want guests on boxing day, decline their self-invitation. If you're happy to have them, do exactly as you said and chuck leftovers at a table and chill while your DH fusses over them. I can't imagine they would want a roast etc the day after Xmas day either.

Chazbots · 02/12/2025 09:22

Yep, they can come share your Boxing Day but not expect a rerun, tho I'd put them off to another day probably. If DH wants them there, he can host.

MoosesareREAL · 02/12/2025 09:22

Agree you should relax on Boxing Day. Husband should let them know they’re welcome to come and laze around and drop off presents etc… bring cheese and wine

Whatisthisperihell · 02/12/2025 09:22

Maybe your DH could take the kids to them for a few hours in the morning and you can have a lie in?

pizzaHeart · 02/12/2025 09:22

So basically you are hosting on Christmas Day and they are invited. However they are busy in that day so will pop in to exchange presents the day after. Sounds fine.

grumpygrape · 02/12/2025 09:24

Just remind your husband, as he invited them, that you will be on the settee, in your onesie, glass of wine in hand, watching movies and NOT hosting and definitely NOT cooking.
He can host all he likes ☺️

RedToothBrush · 02/12/2025 09:25

Their choice.

Your DHs parents and his problem.

You've done Christmas, no need for a repeat a day later.

fruitbrewhaha · 02/12/2025 09:28

Whoever invented the Christmas Day/Boxing Day back to back marathon of eating should be put on the naughty list. I find it too much. I’m not hungry on Boxing Day. I’m knackered. I don’t want to drink. Or talk. Or get dressed up. Mooch, movies, leftovers is about right. Take dog for long walk to burn off over consumption. Your in laws will have to fit in with what your Boxing Day looks like.

Original poster
ChristmasFakeOff · 02/12/2025 09:29

pizzaHeart · 02/12/2025 09:22

So basically you are hosting on Christmas Day and they are invited. However they are busy in that day so will pop in to exchange presents the day after. Sounds fine.

They weren't busy. They hedged their bets with my DH and his sister. They don't take turns for Christmas Day with our family. They aren't popping in, they are spending the whole Boxing Day here and expect the red carpet to be laid out.

That is my gripe. That we invited them, and they declined with nothing in the diary. If my SIL says in the next 3 weeks that she is busy/ got covid/ won a Christmas break to Madeira, they will ask to come here.

When my DC were small and it was all magical, we got serious grief for not inviting them to literally everything at Christmas.

I am doing a lot of hosting this Christmas for friends, my family, my extended family and I am working a lot as well. They were included, and yet again expect us to be free when it suits THEM.

OP posts:
ItsameLuigi · 02/12/2025 09:30

ChristmasFakeOff · 02/12/2025 09:29

They weren't busy. They hedged their bets with my DH and his sister. They don't take turns for Christmas Day with our family. They aren't popping in, they are spending the whole Boxing Day here and expect the red carpet to be laid out.

That is my gripe. That we invited them, and they declined with nothing in the diary. If my SIL says in the next 3 weeks that she is busy/ got covid/ won a Christmas break to Madeira, they will ask to come here.

When my DC were small and it was all magical, we got serious grief for not inviting them to literally everything at Christmas.

I am doing a lot of hosting this Christmas for friends, my family, my extended family and I am working a lot as well. They were included, and yet again expect us to be free when it suits THEM.

Show quote history

Tell DH to order some food or cook himself. His family he hosts right? Enjoy your relaxing day 😄

toomuchfaff · 02/12/2025 09:32

YABU to do it as any petty payback.

YANBU to set your own calendar and set your own activities over Christmas and New Year, and if that doesnt involve inviting the in laws, then tell them "thats doesnt work for us" - maybe next time, or we can see you on the 23rd at the lights switch on, or the pub for lunch?

Start to define your own schedule. Lay down your own timeline.

schoolfriend · 02/12/2025 09:36

Tell them they can come but you're not cooking so it will be take away or a meal out (or your DH can cook).

I can understand your rage about the way they favour SIL but I wouldn't force that outrage onto your DH if he is happy to accept things the way they are.

Lurker85 · 02/12/2025 09:37

They sound shamelessly vile. I wouldn’t have invited them to anything again after they did that the first time but I am petty as hell 😂

ldnelegantelephant · 02/12/2025 09:39

Absolutely not!!! If DH wants them over, he can cook or order. Do not slave away on your rest day after a long Christmas because it suits them.... what a joke.

Sleeposaurus · 02/12/2025 09:39

Gosh I hear you. When we ask PIL to do things we are usually met with similar- we don't know if we will be asked by [favorite child] keep the day open for us.

[Favorite child] likes to be last minute and not br tied down by dates. So we often get a call a few weeks later to confirm the date. If we haven't kept it open, it causes annoyance. If we have kept it open, but they get their better offer, there is annoyance that we haven't kept other dates free just in case. (And we are being awkward). DH is one of 3 and the least favorite so there is loads of this juggling.

It is so frustrating. A part of me wants to just not see them, but I don't want to be petty. I just wish they would hide their preferences better.

BeeCucumber · 02/12/2025 09:40

Tell them it’s a Christmas Day invitation. You have plans on Boxing Day. Don’t invite them at all next year.

user1497787065 · 02/12/2025 09:40

My in-laws were just like this. We were always third to his two sisters. I chose to just get used to it as it would never change.

RedToothBrush · 02/12/2025 09:43

ChristmasFakeOff · 02/12/2025 09:29

They weren't busy. They hedged their bets with my DH and his sister. They don't take turns for Christmas Day with our family. They aren't popping in, they are spending the whole Boxing Day here and expect the red carpet to be laid out.

That is my gripe. That we invited them, and they declined with nothing in the diary. If my SIL says in the next 3 weeks that she is busy/ got covid/ won a Christmas break to Madeira, they will ask to come here.

When my DC were small and it was all magical, we got serious grief for not inviting them to literally everything at Christmas.

I am doing a lot of hosting this Christmas for friends, my family, my extended family and I am working a lot as well. They were included, and yet again expect us to be free when it suits THEM.

Show quote history

DH found out when his parents had booked us in for Christmas from his brother.

They hadn't asked us or informed us!

Totally get it.

I don't care but it upsets DH still.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/12/2025 09:44

I wouldn't rerun Christmas Day either. Last year my youngest DS and his wife went to her family on Christmas Day and came to me (and the rest of the collection of siblings) on Boxing Day - be damned if I was going to do the whole Christmas thing again! They ate the leftovers we'd had from the day before!

Your house, your rules. They either muck in on Boxing Day with everyone else, or they stay home.

whatsnewpussycat34 · 02/12/2025 09:46

That would really piss me off. Basically If they don’t get a better offer, they’ll settle for you.