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AIBU?

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Original poster

That if we are not good enough for Christmas Day, then also not good enough for Boxing Day?

272 replies

ChristmasFakeOff · 02/12/2025 09:15

A pattern has emerged with my in-laws.

"MIL/ FiL would you like to come to our house/ go out for dinner for Christmas Day/ Easter Sunday/ your birthday?" We always ask early e.g. in Sept for this Christmas.

Their response is always "Oh, we don't know what we are doing yet. We will wait to see if XXXX (their DD) invites us, our wants to do something with us. We will let you know". So, if DD offers, they go there, if they don't they either go away, or spend it with us.

FYI I know not of any issue, or anything we have done wrong, except that they massively favour their DD over my DH. DH pretends not to notice, but I do and it enrages me.

So, they are spending a few days with their DD, and then have said they will come to us on Boxing Day. SIL and boyfriend are going to his family on Boxing Day, otherwise we'd get the 27th/ 28th.

Well, what if Boxing Day is not convenient with ME? My traditions are that we go out and do an activity and then out for dinner on Christmas Eve, then home in time for snuggles on the sofa and a movie and choccies, and get ready for Santa (OK it's evolved as my DC are a bit older). Christmas Day is the mother of all roasts, a walk, eat your body weight in choccies, and play games. Boxing Day is chill out on the sofa, watch movies, and chuck all the leftovers on the dining room table to graze on all day with a few extras on top. Since I've done most of the woman work, Boxing Day is chill for me. A bottle of wine, movies and grazing our buffet in my onesie. My in-laws are invited to all the above.

This Christmas we will have extra people (they don't know this) and so it is going to be a lot of work. DH has told them they can come on Boxing Day, but I have said I am not hosting and doing Christmas Day all over again.

AIBU to say that if you are constantly asked to join us on Christmas Day, and decline for a better offer, then you can't expect us to host you at that level on another day or Boxing Day?

OP posts:
tilypu · 02/12/2025 10:41

This would do my head in. I couldn't cope with two days of hosting different people on two consecutive days, even if one day was a chill day food-wise. It's really bloody thoughtless of your DH to agree to this and it's very much on him to 'fix' it.

The ideal (for me and I suspect for you) would be for him to tell his parents no - with whatever reason or excuse he is most comfortable with.

My next course of action, if he wasn't willing to do that, would be to take myself off to a lovely hotel somewhere with nice walks nearby, maybe with a swimming pool and steam room, take a good book and book myself in for a lovely lunch and dinner. Maybe for two nights because one isn't quite enough.

honeylulu · 02/12/2025 10:41

Well, they'll be getting leftovers and a low key day with you relaxing in your onesie while DH does the hosting. They were invited for Christmas Day and declined. You/DH are not obliged to recreate The Christmas Day Experience the following day. If DH wants to cook something special (and clear up) that's up to him, they're his guests.

Another year, if you fancy it, you could be busy on Boxing Day. When our kids were little we developed a tradition of always going out somewhere as we all had cabin fever and needed a change of scene and fresh air. Did Winter Wonderland a couple of times, now seem to have settled on visiting our local National Trust house/ walk in the grounds in the morning and into town for the panto in the afternoon. One year invited my parents for Christmas . They hummed and hawed (waiting for an invitation from the Golden Child). When sister invited them they promptly accepted and announced they would come and see us on boxing day on the way home. It gave me a degree of petty pleasure to say "oh dear, we won't be home, we've got tickets for x". They were gobsmacked that I hadn't kept the invitation open across several days so they could take their pick.

replay2025 · 02/12/2025 10:42

Just say it unfortunately doesn't work for you.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/12/2025 10:42

Anyway... Your issue here is if DH has said yes knowing they will expect best dressed kids and a roast. He needs to communicate back to them that if they come Boxing Day they've missed all that but are welcome to come and fit in.

This.

viques · 02/12/2025 10:43

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/12/2025 09:44

I wouldn't rerun Christmas Day either. Last year my youngest DS and his wife went to her family on Christmas Day and came to me (and the rest of the collection of siblings) on Boxing Day - be damned if I was going to do the whole Christmas thing again! They ate the leftovers we'd had from the day before!

Your house, your rules. They either muck in on Boxing Day with everyone else, or they stay home.

But so called Leftovers on Boxing Day are the best thing about Christmas dinner, a buffet meal with cold sliced meats, loads of chestnut stuffing, proper oven baked potatoes, chutney, home made baked red cabbage with apples and sultanas. It’s a feast in its own right, not left overs

WearyCat · 02/12/2025 10:43

People are free to expect all they like. It’s up to you whether you meet those expectations or not. In your shoes I would say sorry, we’re hosting on Christmas Day - you’re still welcome to come, but we’re not having anyone round on Boxing Day because I need a day to rest and recharge. If you can’t make Christmas Day itself, you’d be welcome on the 28th/ other date that suits you.

HoppityBun · 02/12/2025 10:45

YAMDNBU

TidyCyan · 02/12/2025 10:45

viques · 02/12/2025 10:43

But so called Leftovers on Boxing Day are the best thing about Christmas dinner, a buffet meal with cold sliced meats, loads of chestnut stuffing, proper oven baked potatoes, chutney, home made baked red cabbage with apples and sultanas. It’s a feast in its own right, not left overs

Show quote history

I agree with you, but many meat-and-two-veg-only eaters (my grandad was one) would not. I think many of us saw the thread about the FiL who sits and waits to be served because helping himself to a buffet is beneath him!

WildLeader · 02/12/2025 10:46

Tell H that he’s invited them, he can host. And ideally he can cancel them. “Ah sorry M&D, I hadn’t communicated with @ChristmasFakeOff, turns out we’re not free after all, we’ve got guests over. Maybe some other time?” Then he just doesn’t invite them again, and neither do you.

you aren’t working like a dog for them, when they treat you as a fall back option.

drop the rope.

Gfdeh · 02/12/2025 10:46

Absolutely not.
They have declined the invitation of Christmas day. There is not invitation on Boxing Day.
Tell your husband to go visit them as it is not happening.
We teach people how to treat us.
You have wrongly allowed them to think they dictate, which is on you.
Stop it now.
Have a row with your husband.
You are done tolerating his parents rudeness.

WestwardHo1 · 02/12/2025 10:46

What IS it with PIL and bloody Christmas? ExH and I asked his parents in September once and they accepted. Then it got closer to Christmas and it turned out they were going to SIL's. They never said anything to us - I think they just hoped we'd forgotten. We concluded it was because SIL had kids and we didn't - bit of a kick in the teeth as they knew we'd had failed IVF that year. Obviously ExH wasn't brave enough to confront them about it 🙄

Beamur · 02/12/2025 10:47

I can see why you're annoyed. But you don't have to let it get to you - just make it clear what Boxing Day is going to be like.
You've kind of brought this on yourself by being such good hosts before. Tell them they're welcome to come but it will be more low key than previous years.
Enjoy their company and don't squabble over the 'premium' dates. Without being maudlin, my PIL are dead now, as is my Mum. Make the best of these relationships while everyone is still around and healthy.

ButWhysTheRumGone · 02/12/2025 10:47

YABU for using the word “choccies” not once, but twice. Otherwise YANBU.

Noshadelamp · 02/12/2025 10:48

Your DH needs to either do all the hosting on boxing day, or tell his parents your plans for boxing day.

Why do they need another Xmas dinner?

There's no way you should be expected to do the whole day again.

We alternate with the inlaws the day after boxing day and always do buffet style food.

Hufflebuffs · 02/12/2025 10:48

My mum and your parents sound like peas in a pod. It’s infuriating. Can you have them on the 27th instead?

honeylulu · 02/12/2025 10:48

viques · 02/12/2025 10:43

But so called Leftovers on Boxing Day are the best thing about Christmas dinner, a buffet meal with cold sliced meats, loads of chestnut stuffing, proper oven baked potatoes, chutney, home made baked red cabbage with apples and sultanas. It’s a feast in its own right, not left overs

Show quote history

I agree. I love the joy of a turkey sandwich with crunchy lettuce and wasabi mayonnaise! Cold pigs in blankets with spicy tomato chutney! All the lovely cheese we didn't have room for on Christmas Day. The Yule log (again, didn't have room). Even better than the roast dinner and less clearing up.

user1471538275 · 02/12/2025 10:48

They can come on Boxing day and join in with your fantastic day of relaxation and leftovers (which is also our tradition)

They don't get two Christmas days - greedy surely.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 02/12/2025 10:50

I also never understand when someone's invited to something their reply is "not sure what we're doing yet"

Clearly they're not doing anything and if they didn't have someone on they'd probably say "sorry been invited to xyz"

"Not sure what we're doing yet" is a cop out.

bleakmidwintering · 02/12/2025 10:51

My brother kept doing this when I invited him. I thought fuck that and stopped inviting as I got sick of playing second fiddle. At 58 I’m less flexible to this nonsense.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/12/2025 10:51

We often have people over boxing day and not once have I done a rerun of Christmas day. Everyone has had the whole big dinner the day before so it's always cold meat, cheese board, nice bread, mince pies. No cooking involved unless I fancy a baked camembert
We do play games though and there is always a selection of alcoholic or nice soft drinks available. All simple and relaxed

viques · 02/12/2025 10:52

honeylulu · 02/12/2025 10:48

I agree. I love the joy of a turkey sandwich with crunchy lettuce and wasabi mayonnaise! Cold pigs in blankets with spicy tomato chutney! All the lovely cheese we didn't have room for on Christmas Day. The Yule log (again, didn't have room). Even better than the roast dinner and less clearing up.

Show quote history

I forgot the cheese! Hastily re arranges the table to accommodate a tasteful display of English cheeses, crackers and grapes.

However, in my experience any left over pigs will have been eaten by the clear up crew as they load up the dishwasher for the third time and wipe down the kitchen!

JetFlight · 02/12/2025 10:52

You could say “you’re welcome to join us but we’ll be having a relaxing day , having leftovers. You know what Christmas Day can be like for hosts. Hope that’s ok!”

PatThePenguin · 02/12/2025 10:53

AIBU to say that if you are constantly asked to join us on Christmas Day, and decline for a better offer, then you can't expect us to host you at that level on another day or Boxing Day?

You'd be better off telling your DH to stop inviting people for Boxing Day without discussing with you first.

Gfdeh · 02/12/2025 10:54

If your husband pushes it, tell him HE will do everything as you will take to the bed with a headache or go shopping for the entire day.
It will all be on him.

My husband wouldn't say yes to anything without running it by me. Why? Because he has no interest whatsoever in doing the prep and cooking.
That means I am the one who issues invitations.

For friends with husbands who didn't understand this, it only took them to completely absent themselves from the house for the entire day once, for them to get it.

She who organises it, issues the invitations.

No way would MY super lazy leftover Boxing day be spent cooking for such rude entitled people.

Alicorn1707 · 02/12/2025 10:54

@ChristmasFakeOff you're hurt, they make you feel second best, that's understandable.

Would it work better, for you, if you did not extend/nor accept any invitation from your in-laws over the christmas period, at all? It'd be out of your headspace then.

If your husband is on board and is not fussed, it seems like a good solution, for you.

If you wanted you could have an early December visit or post-Christmas pre-New Year meet-up?

Bloody family dynamics can be a nightmare.....unless you speak up?