Page 4 | DP putting his foot in it when meeting my friends for first time

Lurker25 · 2025-12-01T20:50:59+00:00

I moved away from my hometown a few years ago for work, so don’t get back often. However I met up with friends over the weekend and introduced them to my DP. He rather put his foot in it, but swears it was nerves and he meant nothing by it. To not be too graphic, he basically told one of my friends that his ex would ‘allow’ a specific sex act at Christmas and on his Birthday. I wasn’t part of said conversation, but my friend told me and he admitted it. My friend said it was barely relevant to their conversation. Would you give him the benefit of the doubt if he’s otherwise been a great partner? Or do you think it’s a sign?

BatshitOutofHell · 02/12/2025 08:14

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 20:54

10 months give or take

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You barely know him. You’ve got nothing to lose. Keep your options - and your eyes - open.

User214263 · 02/12/2025 08:16

Inappropriate jokes about sex acts. Drink driving. Where did you find him? The 1970s?

BatshitOutofHell · 02/12/2025 08:17

Your friend told you because she doesn’t like him and doesn’t think you should be with him - but is too polite to say.

Gfdeh · 02/12/2025 08:19

SquareHead37 · 01/12/2025 21:38

It sounds like this was something she didn't enjoy, but he was willing to do it with someone conceding for a special occasion rather than enthusiastically participating? Red flag.

This. It’s really grim actually.

This.
Honestly OP, it's a huge red flag on loads of levels, not least a whiff of coercive sex.

🤢

MatronPomfrey · 02/12/2025 08:30

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 21:33

He was drinking 3.4% bottled cider, I don’t think driving an issue.

It absolutely is an issue. A couple of pints would put him over the limit.

ForCraftyWriter · 02/12/2025 08:32

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 20:58

He’d had a couple of pints at that point but was driving so that was all.

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You 100% need to bin him off. Apart from
disgusting out of context oversharing, he’s a drunk driver as that would defo put him over the limit

Swiftie1878 · 02/12/2025 08:37

Wow! You must have felt so proud of your new DP after that meet-up!

Ditch him. He’s gross.

PInkyStarfish · 02/12/2025 08:38

That kind of ‘banter’ would be the kind of talk some men say to each other but the fact that he said it to your female friend who he should have been doing his utmost to create a good impression out of respect for you, shows a creepy and immature side to him.

Is he going to start talking about blow jibs in front of your mother?

I don’t think you know this chap very well after all.

Energing · 02/12/2025 08:41

You are lucky that you have found out so early that he is a drink-driving creep.

JustChillin70 · 02/12/2025 08:42

If your friend was saying that Christmas was so full on that by evening all she was capable of was sleeping and he remarked that his ex wanted to do a certain sex act at that time rather than sleep, then I wouldn’t dump him for. Whilst it may not have been the best thing to say it’s hardly horrific or any kind of red flag and certainly not worth breaking up for. People can be so self righteous on here at times, you’d think they’d never said something they wished they hadn’t.

TheFeetOfOphelia · 02/12/2025 08:46

JustChillin70 · 02/12/2025 08:42

If your friend was saying that Christmas was so full on that by evening all she was capable of was sleeping and he remarked that his ex wanted to do a certain sex act at that time rather than sleep, then I wouldn’t dump him for. Whilst it may not have been the best thing to say it’s hardly horrific or any kind of red flag and certainly not worth breaking up for. People can be so self righteous on here at times, you’d think they’d never said something they wished they hadn’t.

If I was making harmless small talk with a man I'd just met and he said something overtly and graphically sexual in response, I would walk away and never want anything to do with that man again. If he was a friend's boyfriend, I would be warning her off. I have made all kinds of social faux pas and been clumsy in my wording, but detailing a particular sex act I've enjoyed on special occasions to a stranger is not and never would be one of them. There's being awkward and a bit inept, and then there's being a massive creep. This one falls into the latter category!

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 02/12/2025 08:55

Christmas anal.
I am already seeing next years John Lewis advert.
And as for the carrot...

StrangePaint · 02/12/2025 09:02

JustChillin70 · 02/12/2025 08:42

If your friend was saying that Christmas was so full on that by evening all she was capable of was sleeping and he remarked that his ex wanted to do a certain sex act at that time rather than sleep, then I wouldn’t dump him for. Whilst it may not have been the best thing to say it’s hardly horrific or any kind of red flag and certainly not worth breaking up for. People can be so self righteous on here at times, you’d think they’d never said something they wished they hadn’t.

If your bar was any lower, you’d have to pick it up off the ground.

Gfdeh · 02/12/2025 09:03

Oh and he absolutely drinks and drives.
Up your standards OP.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/12/2025 09:04

Bleurgh.

Ellie56 · 02/12/2025 09:05

Eww! he sounds grim. You can do better. And you should be concerned about the drinking and driving too.

sandyhappypeople · 02/12/2025 09:07

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 21:33

He was drinking 3.4% bottled cider, I don’t think driving an issue.

I don't know anyone who would describe a bottled drink like that as 'a pint', so seems to be a bit of backtracking going on there.

I think there should be a zero tolerance on alcohol anyway tbh.

ladymalfoy45 · 02/12/2025 09:09

Are you dating Gene Hunt?

godmum56 · 02/12/2025 09:11

sounds like a dodged bullet to me.

MySilentLions · 02/12/2025 09:14

BatshitOutofHell · 02/12/2025 08:17

Your friend told you because she doesn’t like him and doesn’t think you should be with him - but is too polite to say.

Yup.

NormasArse · 02/12/2025 09:15

Ugh.

He sounds like my friend’s partner- that’s the kind of thing he says. He’s also an abusive pig.

Zempy · 02/12/2025 09:15

He’s a sleazy man who drinks and drives.

Dump!

Onlinebutoffline · 02/12/2025 09:15

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 21:33

He was drinking 3.4% bottled cider, I don’t think driving an issue.

2 pints of 3.4%abv is 4 units, so he would likely have been over the limit, depending on how good his body is at processing it.
They used to say 4 units was the max allowed with driving, but it depends on the person and how their body deals with it as the actual limit is 35micrograms/100ml breath in England and Wales, but 22ug/100ml in Scotland.

Also, he was massively inappropriate towards your friend. He probably fancied her and thought it would impress her or something.
Whatever the reason, though, it's gross. Dump him.

B1anche · 02/12/2025 09:23

Why are you even asking? Trust your friend's judgement and bin him. He sounds awful. Nerves is no excuse. Would he have made the same comments to your mum or dad? Or a client? Or his boss? He is a dirty little sleaze who was hoping that your friend would share some of her own sexual experiences. And what is with the word "allow"? Sounds like his ex has had a lucky escape.

ForCraftyWriter · 02/12/2025 09:26

Onlinebutoffline · 02/12/2025 09:15

2 pints of 3.4%abv is 4 units, so he would likely have been over the limit, depending on how good his body is at processing it.
They used to say 4 units was the max allowed with driving, but it depends on the person and how their body deals with it as the actual limit is 35micrograms/100ml breath in England and Wales, but 22ug/100ml in Scotland.

Also, he was massively inappropriate towards your friend. He probably fancied her and thought it would impress her or something.
Whatever the reason, though, it's gross. Dump him.

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I don’t know where you’ve got that 4 units is usually legal to drive, it usually is not