DP putting his foot in it when meeting my friends for first time

[Lurker25]

I moved away from my hometown a few years ago for work, so don’t get back often. However I met up with friends over the weekend and introduced them to my DP. He rather put his foot in it, but swears it was nerves and he meant nothing by it. To not be too graphic, he basically told one of my friends that his ex would ‘allow’ a specific sex act at Christmas and on his Birthday. I wasn’t part of said conversation, but my friend told me and he admitted it. My friend said it was barely relevant to their conversation. Would you give him the benefit of the doubt if he’s otherwise been a great partner? Or do you think it’s a sign?

Repulsive! How could he possibly think it’s ok?

what did he say, “my ex always gave me a Christmas night blow job?” or similar?

Bin this low-class oaf.

This makes NO sense, she was saying how tired she is at the end of the day & he said how his ex used to allow him to do y.

Even he isn't going to think this would impress her!

@Lurker25 10 months. I have cheese older than this. Get rid now, this demonstrates a complete lack of social awareness that I could not live with. Quite apart from him meeting YOUR friends & talking about sex acts with his ex!!

Drink driving and making weird, out of context sexual comments to your friend?
Good luck 🙁

Yes, we did. Exactly same responses too. Not sure if it's all just made up fantasy, or OP is still seeking advice about whether to stay with a weird partner of 10 months or not.

I'd be having a serious rethink 10 months in.

Also your friend didn't think this was an awkward moment - story gone wrong. She told you what he said because it raised red flags for her.

Comedy socks got me 😄

Sounds like he slipped into show off with the lads mode. Ick.

The thing is, he barely knows you, let alone them, and yet he was willing to make this crass and woman-devaluing “joke” when he presumably would want to be making a good impression.

Imagine how coarse and oafish he would be when he really gets comfortable? And imagine how he’d talks to the “lads” about YOUR body & bodily functions?? He’d be the type, after you give birth, to describe sex as “throwing a sausage down a hallway.” Mark my words.

One has to wonder what sort of person raises a man to be this way.

He's possibly testing the waters and seeing what reaction he would get from your friend. Could be his clumsy way of trying to flirt and bring sex in the conversation.

Definite red flag.

You don't think driving after consuming alcohol to be an issue? Dear Lord, raise your bar from its current subterranean location - drink driving AND sleazy conversation? Signa et terminos - standards and boundaries...

Discussing sex acts with your friends and drink driving… your bar is so low you’d have to be a limbo dancer to get under it.

Here

So gross!! So he’s a creep and/or can’t read a room. And he’s absolutely going to use your sex life in anecdotes at some future point.

Sorry OP this would give me the ick!

Oh, come on…

he basically told one of my friends that his ex would ‘allow’ a specific sex act at Christmas and on his Birthday.

At best he’s a guy who pushes boundaries.

He may well be. If you’re fixed on the word ‘allow’ then it sounds more like this but that’s also just sometimes how people talk. But I’d don’t think it’s unusual to do something different/ special on an occasion. There’s a whole song about birthday sex.

Even having a couple of pints and driving would put me off, never mind talking about sex acts with ex when been with you 10 months to your friends.

Ugh god what woman would want that on Christmas day?

LTB, he doesn't know how to behave around women he has only just met. Yuck.

Was he alone with this friend when he said it? Or in a group?

I would find this off putting and dump him I’m afraid.

3 bottles of old mout cider can put someone failing a breathalyser so be aware, best not to drink and drive.

Yeah that's nasty. Would give me the ick. How quickly he jumps to talk about specific sex acts with someone he just met. Wonder what he tells his actual friends about your sex life. And the hint of fond reminiscing about his ex when he is talking to his current gf's friends? Nope.

Dump. 3.4% still puts you over the limit. Foul way to speak to your friends. No class at all.

This. He was cracking a joke/trying to be funny. Pitched it wrongly for your crowd. He knows you're not impressed. Move on - though if he continues to make you feel uncomfortable you can obviously decide you are incompatible.
I think your friend is strange to feel she needs to report this one off bad attempt at humour, to you.

Being nervous in company that you are meeting for the first time usually involves being quiet or talking about the weather.

I have never, ever, never , ever heard a man talking about about sex acts -I presume he meant anal sex- with anyone in public.

If you swallow that , you're a fool.

If he gets a new boss at work and is nervous, is he going to start talking about anal sex? No.

If you are foolish enough to marry him and he is nervous giving a wedding speech is he going to talk about anal sex? No

If he is interviewed by the police for something and is nervous, is he going to start talking about anal sex? No

He meets your female friend though and his nerves lead him to start speaking about this. He was not nervous, he was trying to pick her p and this passes for a pick up line in his world.

I am surprised that you need to ask Mumsnet...any passing 10 year old could have told you what's going on here.

I remember at Junior School we used to have to write an essay on "What I Did Over Christmas', but it tended to 'made an snowman' and 'watched Morecambe and Wise.'