Page 16 | AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

nomas · 02/12/2025 23:09

Defiantly41 · 02/12/2025 22:59

Does anyone remember a fantastic thread from last year where the OPs family had been taking advantage of her generosity for years and she had enough, returned the presents she had bought for them or gave them away to Charity, and I think went away and changed her locks? It was a brilliant thread, I would love to re-read it if anyone can link it?

Here you are

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present?flipped=1&page=1

I loved it too but I was always a bit bemused at the speed with which that OP managed to book a Disney cruise within hours and also get the presents packed and distributed to the needy. Maybe it's my ADHD but that would take me weeks.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/12/2025 23:11

nomas · 02/12/2025 23:09

Here you are

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present?flipped=1&page=1

I loved it too but I was always a bit bemused at the speed with which that OP managed to book a Disney cruise within hours and also get the presents packed and distributed to the needy. Maybe it's my ADHD but that would take me weeks.

Edited

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Taken at face value, the OP had money and with enough money you can do anything. Although I do wonder about its veracity.

nomas · 02/12/2025 23:14

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/12/2025 23:11

Taken at face value, the OP had money and with enough money you can do anything. Although I do wonder about its veracity.

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True. Though I think even with unlimited money, I would still be a procrastinator 😄

Foreverautumnagain · 02/12/2025 23:34

Book yourself a lovely break somewhere. Relax and enjoy your free time while raising a glass to the ditched freeloaders 😁

MrsVBS · 03/12/2025 15:25

Absolutely stand your ground, say your not doing it and that be the end of it, you did well to do it for seven years!

Chiefangel · 05/12/2025 22:02

PinkyFlamingo · 01/12/2025 10:50

But why enable this by doing the washing up? Don't get it!

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I know, this year they can load the dishwasher.

Chiefangel · 05/12/2025 22:03

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 01/12/2025 10:45

“The worst bit is when they’re all sat on their arses when I’m washing up and moaning that they want to open their presents but they’re having to wait for me”

I mean this is outrageous behaviour but it’s very much on you if you don’t say to people “right, can everyone come and help with the washing up please, I’d like some time to sit down too”.

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I know, this year is a fresh start for me. Thank you

MischkasMum · 08/12/2025 11:41

Tell them all to 'go forth and multiply' cos they're a bunch of selfish arseholes. As for your mum talking about tradition? What tradition? Seven years of you bearing the costs of food and drink and bloody cooking for them all? No. She's talking 💩. You go and do what YOU want to do with your own family - and enjoy yourself.

TheaBrandt1 · 08/12/2025 12:39

The problem with the passive people pleaser let them come approach is that the put upon person dramatically reaches the end of their tether at the event then everything is way worse. Better to get ahead of the
issue

TheaBrandt1 · 08/12/2025 12:40

I would love it if there was a “tradition” that meant someone else laid on Christmas for me each year! What a result!

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 14/12/2025 16:25

Been wondering how this panned out @WillieFIrwin ? X

NotAnotherScarf · 14/12/2025 16:29

Defiantly41 · 02/12/2025 22:59

Does anyone remember a fantastic thread from last year where the OPs family had been taking advantage of her generosity for years and she had enough, returned the presents she had bought for them or gave them away to Charity, and I think went away and changed her locks? It was a brilliant thread, I would love to re-read it if anyone can link it?

Thank god for that, I thought I was having dreadful dejavu.... strange how it's worded very similar

SnipThoseApronStrings · 14/12/2025 18:31

YANBU
Their attitude is terrible, not wanting to help or contribute.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 14/12/2025 18:44

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 01/12/2025 09:09

@WillieFIrwin - your post reminded me of someone who posted about quite a similar situation to yours, last Christmas. You might get some ideas from it!
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present (there is an update thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5228231-cancelling-christmas-pt-2-updates?reply=140462049).

@Defiantly41, @NotAnotherScarf - I was also reminded of that thread when I first read the OP, and posted the link a couple of weeks ago, as per my quote above.
I’d love to know what the OP of that thread is up to this year @Grinch123, are you still out there?

Charel2girl5 · 14/12/2025 18:52

99bottlesofkombucha · 01/12/2025 04:06

Wow. I would not be hosting. Do you even want to go to what they do or will this poisonous lazy bunch be sitting there making digs at you?
hi family, I’ve mentioned to a few of you that I won’t be hosting Christmas, it’s hard work and expensive. I’ve been told I’m selfish and ruining it for the kids and making too big a deal of Christmas. If Christmas isn’t a big deal, great! We can have it anywhere! Speaking of selfish, if anyone in the last 7 years had so much as brought a salad or a dessert or washed a couple of dishes or in the case of some looked up from their phone occasionally, then I might feel better about hosting. But it was all on me and I feel shit about it, and won’t be doing it again. Throw in some ideas of where we can go instead everyone.

An absolutely stunning response!

Coffeedayssss · 14/12/2025 19:17

My neighbour had coffee with me the other day.
She has 4 children and 8 grandchildren whom loved coming for Christmas for two weeks.
7 years ago she did the math of what it cost and now is in Barbados for 3 weeks instead!
Her 4 children now meet up in her home and have Christmas while she and her husband go to the sun.
They love each other but it was too much, too busy, too long.
Everyone is happy.

ForNoisyCat · 15/12/2025 19:26

WillieFIrwin · 01/12/2025 03:54

I’m 43, I’ve hosted Christmas for the last 7 years because I’m the only one with a dining room big enough for everyone. Every year it costs me a fortune, I do all the cooking, buy all the extra food, stock the house with drinks, and everyone else turns up empty handed. My sister usually arrives with just a packet of bread rolls. My brother brings nothing at all.
Last year I suggested we rotate hosting, or at least that everyone chips in for food. The reaction was unbelievable. I was told that because I “earn the most” and have “the nice house”, it’s my job to host, and that “tradition is tradition”. My mum even said it would be “selfish” to break the family routine.
This week we were discussing plans, and when I brought up the cost again, my sister said, “Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.” For context, she never helps in the kitchen and sits on her phone all day.
I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year, and suggested we book a pub Christmas lunch instead. They refused and said Christmas at the pub “isn’t the same”, and apparently I’m “ruining it for the kids” by not wanting to host.
AIBU to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing? I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place. Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?

Say no! I’ve hosted for years but I do enjoy it. The only thing more recent I’ve said they must bring their drinks with them. Tbh we all have a great time but if I stopped they wouldn’t get worked up.