AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

[WillieFIrwin]

I’m 43, I’ve hosted Christmas for the last 7 years because I’m the only one with a dining room big enough for everyone. Every year it costs me a fortune, I do all the cooking, buy all the extra food, stock the house with drinks, and everyone else turns up empty handed. My sister usually arrives with just a packet of bread rolls. My brother brings nothing at all.
Last year I suggested we rotate hosting, or at least that everyone chips in for food. The reaction was unbelievable. I was told that because I “earn the most” and have “the nice house”, it’s my job to host, and that “tradition is tradition”. My mum even said it would be “selfish” to break the family routine.
This week we were discussing plans, and when I brought up the cost again, my sister said, “Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.” For context, she never helps in the kitchen and sits on her phone all day.
I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year, and suggested we book a pub Christmas lunch instead. They refused and said Christmas at the pub “isn’t the same”, and apparently I’m “ruining it for the kids” by not wanting to host.
AIBU to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing? I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place. Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?

Your family are awful, OP! Please stand your ground.

Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.”

I don't understand this comment...what does she mean? Isn't that what you ARE doing, by reducing the deal you are offering?

Wow. I would not be hosting. Do you even want to go to what they do or will this poisonous lazy bunch be sitting there making digs at you?
hi family, I’ve mentioned to a few of you that I won’t be hosting Christmas, it’s hard work and expensive. I’ve been told I’m selfish and ruining it for the kids and making too big a deal of Christmas. If Christmas isn’t a big deal, great! We can have it anywhere! Speaking of selfish, if anyone in the last 7 years had so much as brought a salad or a dessert or washed a couple of dishes or in the case of some looked up from their phone occasionally, then I might feel better about hosting. But it was all on me and I feel shit about it, and won’t be doing it again. Throw in some ideas of where we can go instead everyone.

Wow, your family are so rude. Don’t host them, they are rude not offering to bring anything and putting pressure on you to host.

Your family are just too accustomed to taking advantage of your good nature - probably not the only time they do it as well.

Say no, stand your ground op

Just stop

I'm sorry your family are absolute piss takers. Say no and mean it. I would prepare for them to get even more aggressive or give you the silent treatment.

"I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year" and you absolutely should not @WillieFIrwin, what a brazen bunch 😞

They obviously have no idea wrt planning/costs and effort involved in hosting.

You are well within your rights to say, no more.

Enjoy your Christmas, hassle free 🎄

Definitely put your foot down, or you’ll end up resentful and fuming while everyone else enjoys your hospitality. Tell them you have booked a pub meal for your immediate family and won’t be hosting this year as you need a break and hosting has become too expensive. Or go away for a few days over Christmas- rent a cottage somewhere which could be fun.

Your family are ungrateful and rude. Why aren’t they bringing things or offering to chip in on cost?!

Don’t host again. Tell them you’ll meet at the pub for a meal on the 27th etc- everyone can do their own thing on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

This is exactly why we have booked a pub lunch this year. I got tired of organising and hosting and infuriated to be told I should stop making a fuss when I complained. I can’t wait to go out!

I’m with you 100% OP but unfortunately I think you might struggle to get a pub lunch booked on Xmas Day at this stage (we booked in September!) Can I suggest a compromise this year where if Christmas is “no big deal” you have lunch with your immediate family and invite the rest round in the evening for drinks and a light buffet or something? That will help to set expectations for a new “tradition” in future years that doesn’t involve you doing all the work and shouldering all the cost!

Tell them all to fuck right off.

Cheeky Fuckers! Of course they don't want to give up their free ride, I'm surprised you let this crap go on for seven years!

Your family are cheeky fuckers. Stand your ground OP! If they want you to host and keep talking about tradition, then they need to be prepared to pay an equal share of the cost of keeping the tradition going.

I host every year. Only six people. My two brothers are expected to make a cash contribution of $40-50 each and one brings crackers and a bottle of champagne. The other brings a couple of bottles of good wine.

I provide ham, chicken rather than turkey these days, vegetables, salads because it’s hot here, steamed syrup pudding, trifle, meringue, cheese, bickies etc. I started giving my mum a contribution when I started work and got my brothers started doing the same. Christmas is expensive in food and in your time.

Have the family around by all means (though why you might ever want to again would be beyond me) and serve very naice cheese sandwiches. They are very much looking after Self Interest. You could do the same.

Your family are all free-loading cheeky fuckers and you need to stick to your guns and refuse to host. They have offered no additional help, didn't volunteer to bring any dishes themselves to lighten your load so they can sort themselves out.

I can’t believe a family could be such complete entitled morons . Tell them all to fuck off . Can’t even believe this could be real.

Please don't cave in to family pressure or a guilt pile on, it's your Christmas too. You are a saint for putting up with your selfish family for 7 years. Who the hell turns up to a fully catered Christmas with nothing or thinks a packet of bread rolls is a suitable contribution?

To not even acknowledge the work, effort and expense when you have said 'no' shows a great what they really think of you.

Your family sound awful, stand your ground no matter what and enjoy a peaceful Christmas.

I'd definetly not host them. At all.

I'd make sure I had a lovely dinner for me & the family who lived with me and I'd post the pictures on social media for the rest of them to see 😅

I'd book an overseas short break holiday and tell them I'm not available over Christmas. You'll probably still be better off than paying for them!

It’s your house and money so completely your decision. Do not let them rule the roost here. If you don’t want to host, you absolutely do not have to.

You can host as you have the nicest house but they can each take turns in preparing, cooking and clearing up after dinner.
Alternatively, you calculate what the cost is and split it and they all chip in. If that's the case they all.need assigned tasks e.g veg prep, clear table, wash up, dry up, put away.

The only thing I think is wrong in the OP is suggesting you book at a pub.....that ship sailed at the end of September for anywhere decent!

Stick with "nope" and let them sort themselves out. I guarantee that by next November they will be offering to pay their way so you will host again. And that is when you say "No, last year on our own was just lovely so I wont be hosting again".