AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

[WillieFIrwin]

I’m 43, I’ve hosted Christmas for the last 7 years because I’m the only one with a dining room big enough for everyone. Every year it costs me a fortune, I do all the cooking, buy all the extra food, stock the house with drinks, and everyone else turns up empty handed. My sister usually arrives with just a packet of bread rolls. My brother brings nothing at all.
Last year I suggested we rotate hosting, or at least that everyone chips in for food. The reaction was unbelievable. I was told that because I “earn the most” and have “the nice house”, it’s my job to host, and that “tradition is tradition”. My mum even said it would be “selfish” to break the family routine.
This week we were discussing plans, and when I brought up the cost again, my sister said, “Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.” For context, she never helps in the kitchen and sits on her phone all day.
I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year, and suggested we book a pub Christmas lunch instead. They refused and said Christmas at the pub “isn’t the same”, and apparently I’m “ruining it for the kids” by not wanting to host.
AIBU to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing? I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place. Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?

Whilst I don’t disagree, OP’s family strike me as the type that would still expect / have Christmas at hers without her 🫠🫠

Good luck finding a pub, and I mean really have some good luck.

If you don't manage it see which take away places are open.

Definitely do not host. They are so cheeky.
Mini break it is.

That's such a funny thought, imagine OP going on holiday and getting a facetime and it's her whole family solemnly sat round her empty dining table 😅

In this situation, I would definitely not host. Put your foot down. Or at the very least, say you are happy to have it at the house if someone else does the cooking this year, as you have done it very year w no help and they need to get off their lazy ass's and help out for once.

Fuck them out of it. It’s no Christmas for you.
Do it today.

There’s still plenty of time for them to pick up a turkey.

There are still 3 and a half weeks before Christmas - so plenty of time for someone else to plan an alternative. Just say “no” to hosting.

Don’t host. Don’t even offer some kind of get together at yours as you will have all the work and expense and they will still be cheeky fuckers.

Agree with PP who say go away. My DSis who is our family “hoster” has found going away is the best way for her not to be in the mix and to get away from her own guilt or be part of any discussion about it. I am so pleased for her: she now enjoys Christmas and her family like it better cos she’s not stressed. They have soup for lunch on Christmas Day. My mum in particular lays the guilt on but my sister just shrugs and says “we’re away.”

It’s not your job to create Christmas magic for “the kids”. If you do it this year, that’s 8 years of “tradition “—time to break that cycle. Now. Don’t ask for money or contributions—just don’t host. End of. When someon asks again…”I’m not hosting this year—it doesn’t work for me.” Then silence. No excuses, no apologies, no explaining. When they come back at you—“That doesn’t work for me, I’m afraid.” On repeat. Stop the cycle NOW, or you will still be in it in 2040

What will your Christmas be like if you don’t host OP? Picture that and use it as extra energy when you tell them no again.

Have they seen the price of food this year ??? Yeah course they have that’s why they are happy to keep the family tradition of freeloading off you to save themselves money !!! I would be asking for £50 an adult this year and if they don’t want to pay then take yourselves off to the pub and leave them to their own traditional Xmas . Not many people can afford to host and pay for it all this Xmas so you’re deffo not being unfair .

Stand your ground on this OP. It’s going to go on forever if you don’t!

I am staggered you have already done this for SEVEN years!

’dear family - I am having a year off hosting Christmas. Look forward to seeing you all in the new year . Lots of love op’

And mean it. Stand your ground. They are taking you for a ride, and using emotional manipulation.

Next year you agree to taking it in turns or you just don’t see them at all. They are so ungrateful.

You will be going this for the next 40 years otherwise!

Quickly search around for a hotel Christmas break or a holiday cottage somewhere and book a short break for you and your immediate family.
Then tell the rest of the family you find Christmas too tiring and you are going away this year. And leave them to it.

It probably won’t cost an awful lot more than you hosting a massive meal for all the extended family. And you’ll have a lovely relaxing time.

What cheeky bastards. Spell it out to them you can’t afford it. Either they all bring a dish alone each or you go to the pub.

Greedy fuckers will probably expect you to pay the bill so I would explicitly tell them we are all paying for our meals separately.

They are takers. Stop giving.

Tell them to bugger off or, invite them round as usual and serve pizza. Once done send them home.

Your family are freeloaders. Say they need to contribute £x before the big day or it’s nothing. Have you a partner/kids?

Seven years? Do your spouses never want to take turns spending Christmas with their own families? I never really get why one family seems to get the monopoly on having Christmas together.

Just tell them if no-one else is willing to take a turn/contribute/help on the day, then this year you'll be spending it with your in-laws/going away/eating out/just celebrating as a family of X (delete as appropriate).

That’s so bad it’s actually funny. I definitely would like a “tradition” of someone else laying on Christmas for me every year! They’re onto a winner there!

Yeah definitely don't host them at all, even if they say now they'll contribute, they need to learn to appreciate you. Either do a pub or if that's not possible/acceptable to the others then do your own thing. Tell them today so there's maximum time to sort alternative plans and also so that you strike whilst the iron is hot (whilst you're angry enough to take a stand!).

I agree with the cheese sandwiches or pizzas idea, but I wouldn't tell them in advance.
You can email them again asking if they are willing to bring a contribution (that you nominate, a salad, a bottle of wine, a dessert etc). You will not host unless everyone contributes a dish or their labour; they need to agree to this beforehand. If they do, go ahead but do not have substitutes. Sally didn't bring a dessert, there is only icecream, Jason didn't bring the wine, there is no wine to drink.
Alternatively, say that this will be your absolute final year of hosting because ...
When they arrive they see that the main course comprises pizzas and garlic bread. When they are shocked and disappointed, say that no one was prepared to share the cost/load, and besides, your sister told you not to make such a big deal of it. So you didn't.

Why ? Are they all incapable of cooking their own Christmas dinner in their own homes ? After seven years of hosting with no contributions to the cost, no help with prep or clear up, and all of them turning up empty handed on the day, OP has finally spoken her mind. Their reaction to that would seal my decision to never host this rude, ignorant and self centred bunch ever again. And l’d be taking a big step back from them the rest of the year too.