AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

[WillieFIrwin]

I’m 43, I’ve hosted Christmas for the last 7 years because I’m the only one with a dining room big enough for everyone. Every year it costs me a fortune, I do all the cooking, buy all the extra food, stock the house with drinks, and everyone else turns up empty handed. My sister usually arrives with just a packet of bread rolls. My brother brings nothing at all.
Last year I suggested we rotate hosting, or at least that everyone chips in for food. The reaction was unbelievable. I was told that because I “earn the most” and have “the nice house”, it’s my job to host, and that “tradition is tradition”. My mum even said it would be “selfish” to break the family routine.
This week we were discussing plans, and when I brought up the cost again, my sister said, “Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.” For context, she never helps in the kitchen and sits on her phone all day.
I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year, and suggested we book a pub Christmas lunch instead. They refused and said Christmas at the pub “isn’t the same”, and apparently I’m “ruining it for the kids” by not wanting to host.
AIBU to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing? I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place. Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?

No, but the AUDACITY!!

Yes i recall it. Think she planned a holiday with her daughter

The sister tried to get in, even though she knew the householder wasn’t there???

I think it was this one regarding presents OP. She ended up cancelling with her family and going on holiday...
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present?page=1

This happened to me but all but BIL chipped in with some money, food, washing up and clearing up debris from unwrapping presents. Still a lot of work but lots of laughter as well.

YANBU but you’ll be hard pushed to find anywhere now for Xmas day , same thing here totally fed up of footing the bill cooking and hosting n no one bringing anything so a month ago I said we’re going out anyone wanting to join us speak up now Long story short nowhere decent or even half decent had anything left unless we wanted to eat at 11.45 am 😂😂😂 at £90/£120 a head I was gob smacked, apparently you do it in September !!
.

We get an awful lot of people booking for next Xmas on Xmas day. So when menu's and pre orders open in August, half the tables are already taken. We were fully booked by the first week in September. We could have sold out twice over if not more judging by all the enquiries since. So yes, get in early!!

Either:
refuse to host entirely or
tell them all what you want them to bring and what job each of them is going to do.

That’s so awful for you. They don’t deserve your hospitality.

Whichever household hosts in our family, we all chip in towards the cost of the food/drink and we all help with the cleaning etc

I remember that thread from last year. Was there a follow up?

What's happened since December 8th last year, @grinch123?

I have to admit that I have wondered what happened when she got back.

Good grief lass, you need to stop. Cancel it all NOW and go away somewhere.

Anywhere.

Why do so many women put themselves through all of this stress?!

Where is the OP?

Yep, one extremely provocative post at 4am and then nothing more!

I agree with others. Everyone brings a dish or drink -you shouldn’t be either paying for it all or having to cook it all. If they are reluctant to cook, then revert to cooking Christmas dinner for your immediate family only and they can come to visit you afterwards. If they do this though, I’d still expect them to bring some food/snacks/drinks so you don’t have to do everything. Maybe if they make their own Christmas dinner this year they will appreciate your efforts the last seven years.

Buy only the drinks you need for your household (and stash them somewhere nobody else will find them). Tell your family it's BYOB.

Come Christmas, when people arrive order Dominos (if it's open?) and don't actually order it until everyone has paid up. If people say you ruined it for the kids, then that's not true as most kids would much prefer a Dominos to Christmas dinner anyway. Or buy a bunch of cheap oven pizzas for the kids if you think they won't pay up!

We don't inundate them with stuff they don't want to force some sort of contribution they've said very clearly many times over the years they don't need. They both earn very good money, and they like to treat their families to a slap-up Christmas. We are lucky recipients of their love for hosting Christmas. Every year we tell them they're allowed to make other plans!

No. I mean they plan, buy and cook it. And as I explained we're not cockwombles about it like OPs family.

Being the wombling kind of families we are, from then on it's a team effort.

Thanks for the judgement when I was simply presenting a supportive argument for saying no for OP though🙄

As its now december and making alternative arrangements might be an issue, i would tell them that you will host but you will only provide dinner not the starter and not dessert. Someone else can provide drinks /snacks, or whatever applies. If the allocated people dont want to bring them then there wont be any.

Inform them in January that you wont be hosting next Christmas at all and they have a years notice to arrange next years festivities as youre going away. It will probably be cheaper going away than hosting the entire family. 😃They sound miserable ,( as in stingy ) and selfish and deserve a lesson in good manners to not arrive empty handed and expecting to be waited on hand and foot.

🫣

If you have hosted (and paid) for 7 years thats 7 years until its your turn again. Remind them of that.

Personally at this late stage, I would continue hosting but have in the back of my mind that this is the final time. In January I would then book a holiday for Christmas 2026 for immediate family only and let family members know that you fancied a change.

For different reasons to you - mainly realising I always spent a fortune on Christmas to then just staying indoors (mine or families) and the day passing so quickly. The complete waste of time and money was infuriating. I realised I was making other people happy, people that didn’t actually help us out much - if at all - throughout the year. I disagree Christmas is just for kids. So since 2017 we’ve been going away every year, just the 4 of us, and we love it. Mainly Centre Parcs but Skiing last year. We’re Cycling, Swimming or Skiing Christmas Day and we still have a lovely Christmas dinner booked in a restaurant of our choice. The holiday is usually the main present for the kids - even Santa delivered this present a few times, I just needed to get creative. Then I just pack a spare suitcase of small wrapped items. We absolutely love it. Christmas is now fun! No hosting, no exhaustion and no waste of money.

We catch up with family before we go - swap presents - and once we’re back - catch a movie or show. Yes, family members were definitely put-out the first year but found other family members willing to host. Now they’re completely used it and happy for us. They’d like to do the same but never will. I highly recommend being away over Christmas!

It’s not late at all, Christmas is 23 days away, the shops will be bursting with turkeys and Brussels sprouts and mince pies. They can shop and cook for themselves.

Nope I would not be hosting. Tell them all to do their own thing as you are not hosting. What about your partners family. Do you host them too?

Wow, I know you don't get to choose your family but yours don't sound very nice. They are taking you for granted OP. Stamp your foot down now and tell them this year you are having a quiet Xmas with just DH and kids. I'd offer a small buffet on Boxing day.