AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

[WillieFIrwin]

I’m 43, I’ve hosted Christmas for the last 7 years because I’m the only one with a dining room big enough for everyone. Every year it costs me a fortune, I do all the cooking, buy all the extra food, stock the house with drinks, and everyone else turns up empty handed. My sister usually arrives with just a packet of bread rolls. My brother brings nothing at all.
Last year I suggested we rotate hosting, or at least that everyone chips in for food. The reaction was unbelievable. I was told that because I “earn the most” and have “the nice house”, it’s my job to host, and that “tradition is tradition”. My mum even said it would be “selfish” to break the family routine.
This week we were discussing plans, and when I brought up the cost again, my sister said, “Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.” For context, she never helps in the kitchen and sits on her phone all day.
I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year, and suggested we book a pub Christmas lunch instead. They refused and said Christmas at the pub “isn’t the same”, and apparently I’m “ruining it for the kids” by not wanting to host.
AIBU to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing? I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place. Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?

Tell them you're doing something different this year, you're going out for lunch but you'll be in for the afternoon, and invite them for sherry and mince pies from 4-7pm. Tell them if they want anything else they should bring it. That way you can host the family gathering but on your terms, and after a couple of years of that, you can bow out of hosting without too many protests.

Oh wow, your family sound very selfish, and frankly, bloody rude!

Who turns up at Christmas without any contribution.

I personally would stick to my guns, and not host. You will probably find that they realise what a super Christmas they’re missing out on, and will be more willing to dig deep next year……

I'm going to go out on a limb (one that I feel sure is sturdy enough to bear my not inconsiderable weight) and ask - this cheeky fuckery by your family is NOT confined just to Christmas, is it?

All those comments about you " “earn the most” and have “the nice house” " - that just shrieks envy and entitlement to me. So now that your focus is on their appalling Christmas free-loading - what else has surfaced in your memory? Being expected to pay for coffee when out? Expected to buy drinks, but none bought for you? Sizeable presents expected for birthdays, a token the most you can expect for yours?

There's no way their Christmas behaviour is out of character.

That didn’t even occur to me - but then, I can’t imagine not contributing with food, booze, money, and help to a family (or any other big private) celebration, being hosted in a family or friend’s home so I’ve clearly got different boundaries and habits than the OP’s family!

Oh no fuck that! Ungrateful lot I wouldn't have any of them.

I’ve hosted my parents and in-laws for the last 5 years, my parents provide the meat and I cook it, the in-laws provide the desserts and some alcohol. I stand and cook it all and serve up that’s how it’s worked for us.

if I were you tell them to shove it and find someone else to do all the work you do.

Free loading CFery at its festive finest. I agree with not going to one pub/restaurant all together, they will all do a runner just before the bill comes out.

fish finger sandwiches all round

They've had it too easy for too long.

Just tell them straight that you're sick of them letting you pay for literally everything and sitting on their arse while you run around after them.

Tell them you want to actually enjoy Xmas day for once and that means not pandering to them.

It's not your responsibility to make their Xmas day enjoyable for them.

If they don't want to pay to eat out, good.

Go to town for you and yours and let them sort themselves out.

Like you I get the pleasure of hosting my family every year too! My parents cannot manage to take turns anymore (and in some respects my sister and I had to insist they don’t given their age now).
I used to get frustrated (we are talking last 20 years or so), as my dad, sister, brother in law and his brother rarely lifted a finger.
I ended up asking if we could get my sister to prep all deserts, mum and dad buy wine, etc and that there is assistance with washing up etc. this has made it all about easier.

my sister doesn’t have the space to host us all (trust me it’s a squeeze anyway), so do agree it wouldn’t be much fun.

I would personally not ask, but tell them they all have purchasing and helping tasks assigned to them. If they refuse let them know they can do make their own Christmas plans!

THIS is so, so true!

YANBU but arrange to be out Christmas Day just in case they turn up! Book a lunch and go out for the day.

That's awful. Maybe you have the biggest house, but I've been at Christmas meals in tiny houses and flats-this isn't an excuse for them doing nothing. Even if it makes most sense for everyone to come to yours, they should all contribute. It doesn't have to be expensive, or complicated.
If they respect you, they should help with things; they don't need to be rich to help with jobs.
If the CFs don't want to go to a pub, fine, but it's your Christmas too, and you're not Santa who can do everything by magic.

My parents ended up as the default hosts for Christmas for about 5 years (we were in a different country and never made it) in a row and when my dad suggested that someone else might take a turn it fell on deaf ears.

So they started booking holidays in lovely exotic places, and... the wider family grumbled. My parents just ignored the complaints and had a whale of a time.

Sure I've just seen the opposite of this thread a little while ago.

Christmas lunch doesn't have to cost a fortune. OK, you might pay a bit for turkey (although can get very good frozen ones). Everything else is fairly cheap.

Don't go overboard with extras, and don't buy any booze. You'd have to tell them, of course, but they will soon get the message.

Why cant everyone bring a dish. Someone does turkey, someone does ham, someone does veg and someone does desserts. Everyone brings dink and nibbles

The annual "isn't it outrageous to charge family for Christmas" thread has indeed appeared

Stick to your guns. Take yourself away.

I hope you get a resolution that suits YOU.

I think however, that the time to set the record straight and change the tradition was Christmas Day/Evening 2024!

Maybe since it's close to the day now, you could do it one last time, and say NO to any future hosting, while they are putting their coats on to go home full as eggs and drunk as skunks on your dime.

That gives them plenty of time to get used to it for next year.

But if I were you right now, I'd have Covid on Xmas Eve, in fact the whole family will have come down with a bug, and it's contagious.

I would absolutely be refusing to host Christmas in your situation.

Don’t just suggest the pub/restaurant, tell them where you are going and the deadline for paying the deposit if they care to join you.

I like this reply! Even if you can’t go abroad. Book a nice spa or holiday cottage with a fire and marshmallows

Nope nope nope, I get that you want to have a pub lunch so if you can book it do it.
i get a feeling that even if they offered you money now you wouldn’t want it so stand your ground x

I really wouldn't do this. I suspect the cheeky fuckers would simply turn up early and snaffle the OP's prepaid booking. They'd scoff the meal she has paid for - pigging out, stuffing their ugly faces while whining about the OP's meanness. How dare their slave not spend all her time and money in shovelling food down their throats? It's her duty! This is a family on the take and on the make. They resent the OP for having a bigger house and a decent career so believe she must pay for these crimes.