Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

Why not just enter and check with him that he’s ok to bring the kids along to support you?

Sounds like he has increased training and is trying to decide if he can do marathon or not.

He has form for being deceitful.
That is your actual issue. And that he thinks you are default parent.

But definitely enter.

Oh just leave him ffs! You clearly can’t stand him deserved or not.

Divorce him.

You know he's deceitful. What else is he lying about?

They can, but he’s not telling her what he is up
to.

I get it OP. It is very odd to keep Strava from a spouse unless it’s just used it as a way to track activity for yourself with zero followers. Which it doesn’t sound like he’s doing.

He either doesn’t want you to know how long he is running for, who he is running with, or where he is running.

Tell him you are entering the event.

Your posts sound like you see him as your enemy instead of your team mate.

When and how did this shift?

Do you want to go back to being team mates?

Stand back to back. Both of you start running.

Oh god not all this again!!

You do know you don't have to be here. You don't even have to be on mumsnet at all . Set yourself free.
All the best .

I don't want to say but it is the nearest to where we live . There is still availability.

Or zumba. A weekly zumba session seems to be the stock mumsnet equivalent to men's time consuming and often expensive hobbies.

The timescale for online training programmes give a timescale shorter than the time between now and then to get to marathon stage from the stage Im at now. It is doable . I could certainly run the half , which is on at the same time .

Talk to him today @Sheepondrugs and say that you are signing up for the marathon, ask if you should sign him up at the same time.

Arrange childcare together, make a weekend of it.

The duplicity is strange, disrepectful and destabilising. I think maybe you should go to relationship counselling to get to the bottom of it.

What is his relationship with women generally? What are his parents and friendship group like? Is there a lot of segregation and 'getting one over' on the opposite sex?

Stop focusing on the running. You both need to learn to communicate better and stop this silly tit for Tat. If you want your marriage to survive then it’s very important.

No , I used runna , which I linked to my strava . I prefer the map and route planning on strava.

Why is it OK if OP secretly books herself into a marathon, but a terrible crime if her DH does the same?

If there are events they both want to go to, they are both equally entitled to go. They need to decide (together) whether to take it in turns, or both go and arrange for babysitter. They simply need to have a conversation.

OP sounds controlling, spiteful and rather unhinged to me.

I've come to realise I think of things in terms of us and he thinks of things in terms of himself. I wonder how long it's been like that for .

A 10k wouldn't have been much out of your family time. Why were you annoyed about it? Why can't he tell you things?
Not sure why there is so much sneakiness.
In my house the convo would be: DH- I am thinking of doing the 10k but it's a bit of training so would it be OK? I know you would be alone with the kids.
Me- Go for it. It's not forever.

Day of the race:
Me- Have fun. We will come to X point to cheer you on. Love you.

Exactly.

What you're talking about there is not a marriage. It's office politics. There's no affection in your approach. It's just strategy to get what you want before your colleague can get what he wants.

And if he's doing much the same sort of thing - and it sounds as if he is - I'd suggest that you both give up the time you put into running and spend it on counselling.

Op you sound very angry about the general balance of leisure time Vs childcare in your relationship. Neither partner behaves like this in a healthy relationship. You may think you are perfectly entitled to this passive aggressive tit for tat manner but frankly it's low road and petty.

You come across as though you think that your DP has to ask you permission to do anything and you need to oversee every detail of his life. That's not "thinking in terms of us", it's being controlling.

Just enter the race. Then tell him you have entered as he is free to watch the DC.
If he says anything, point out that he should have told you he was doing it but as he didn't, you decided to try it.
Don't let him know that it was a revenge entry.....just do it and enjoy the run.

I used to trust him . I struggle to trust him now as I found out he's been deceitful. I would trust him if he was more open about things .
In the case of strava , he has other followers. We both follow the friend . Dh regularly gives friend kudos. The lack of response to my follow request is a response, and I have deduced a lot from that .

So why on earth are you with him if you come up with all these conspiracies about him