Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

Which marathon is it?

ask him if he’s planning to do the marathon / already signed up.

when he says no you reply “brill because I’d love to do it so I think I’ll sign up and that means you and the DC can come cheer for me and your friend X!”

job done.

This. I've signed up for a half marathon next year having just returned to running after two babies. I'm only just getting comfortable with 5kms again and want to see how I get on training before telling anyone. Keeping it to myself keeps the pressure off until I'm more confident. I also really enjoy running alone. I do it to clear my head, often on a whim so I wouldn't necessarily want to run with my husband every time and I really don't think he'd care either way.

This!

I really dont get this weird controlling thing over him running and needing to follow him/his runs? Why can't he enter a marathon if he wants to? We've both done marathons and my husband has got back into it this last year or so having had a few years off when jobs/kids/life just got in the way. I think it's fantastic he's back into it, he's fitter, healthier and seems happier. I'd be encouraging him to enter and have no interest in viewing my husband's splits, he does like to report them when he gets back anyway!

There are loads of marathons and other running events most months, I don't understand why you can't both have a running hobby and sign up for a marathon. Do different marathons if you don't have childcare.

“DH, I’d really like to run in one of the events on X.”

DH- “Oh, I was going to do the marathon on that day- I didn’t want to announce it in case I wasn’t fit enough 😬.”

”Should we arrange childcare? We could both run- that would be ace!”

”Yeahhh!”

Yes I agree. I am finding this a baffling thread op. The levels of game-playing are stratospheric. It's like a version of Roald Dahl's The Twits but with registering for marathons instead of worms in spaghetti.

I think the run/ babysitting is the least of your troubles. You need to address the issue of both going behind each other's back in this very weird way or you are signing up to a life of conflict and miscommunication.

What a boring thread about an insecure woman stalking strava and a man who feels he can't be honest about his running.

Actual shit. Op updates boring. I wouldnt friend you on strava. You'd probably be commenting like "you said you were running around this block why lie as you have clearly ran around that block". Get a hobby.

Oh FFS.

Book it yourself if you'd like to do it.
Stick it on the calendar.
Tell everyone immediately.

If he kicks off, remind him about the calendar and the fact that planning and communicating those plans (as you just did him the courtesy of doing) is an important part of a relationship.

He can arrange child care if he has booked without telling anyone.

So sign up then. Put it on the calendar or whatever you use.

I'd also leave the wanker too, as life is too short to spend like this but you do you.

Whoever suggested booking a spa weekend out of spite so he can't enter the marathon is as immature as the op. Just havevl a grown up conversation and compromise for gods sake 🙄

This.

My parents have a relationship like this and it’s awful. What’s the point?

Do women ever do anything except have spa weekends, get their nails and hair done?

I'd enter and be all excited about telling him that I was doing it.

I don't believe some of the replies you're getting! Do people no longer read the OP's posts? This is a man who has lied to her and deceived her right through their marriage, which shows a level of disrespect that is almost impossible to come back from. They are definitely not as bad as each other!

In your place, OP, I would book the marathon ASAP and tell him you need him for child care that day. Either he hasn't booked it, and that will be fine, or he has secretly booked it and will have to admit that fact. At which point, a discussion about continuing deception is in order, followed either by intensive marriage counselling or a visit to a solicitor to find out your rights before you file for divorce.

Definitely don't stay with a man who disrespects you by constantly lying to you. Why should you?

Feel sorry for the poor bloke, the fact he doesn't feel he can share this with you speak volumes to me about how thinks you are going to react. I think you need think this through and work out what is going on so that he feels he needs to hide this from you. It could be as simple as he goes out for 4 hrs but spends one in a coffee shop for some peace and quiet and Strava would reveal this to you and you'll then demand he comes home 1 hr earlier.

This.

plus either work on communication or split

This 100%

Maybe he’s not told the OP, because he thinks she’ll start to compete against him, and he’s just not into that side of it … doing it for fun / personal challenge, rather than bragging rights

This is so weird. You haven't even done a half yet and you think you're ready for a marathon in the near future? Me and my husband both run. We don't run together. It's our time alone. We have Strava and I'd find it bloody weird if he wanted to follow me on it - I use it to track my progress and mileage. I'm not interested in seeing anyone else's or have anyone see mine. You can have the same interests and not be joined at the hip. You almost certainly run at different speeds especially at it sounds like he has been running longer than you. All sounds very petty and controlling.

I don't really see why its anything to be secretive or lie about. It sounds like you should be focusing on couples counselling to fix the miscommunication issues in your marriage not running.

For some reason, he doesn't want you involved in his running and you keep pushing it. Are you annoying or competitive about running? If so, that will be why.

I agree. You’re both being spiteful and petty. (I even started reading this thinking it wasn’t a real post.) If you can’t communicate over something nice, and you secretly begrudge each other of the nice things in life, what are you like whenever the shit really hits the fan?

Weird. Why can’t you both do the event? It would be a great thing to do as a couple and you could (should) be mutually supportive of each other. It’s good you’re into the same thing and have that in common. Send the DCs off to their grandparents for the weekend.
Discuss it and solve the problem.

But ask yourself… why does he feel the need to hide his training from you? He’s worried about your reaction for some reason.

She clearly is both, and doesn't want him to do anything without her