Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

Nope. Balanced response based on the facts given by OP in the thread. HTH.

But OP doesn't need to ask his permission. Apparently it's OK for her to book the event (or any event) without asking him, but him doing the same is unacceptable, and requires her authorisation..

The Premium days (the running event days) should be equally shared between them. OP shouldn't expect to have first dibs. Nor should she feel that she has the right to grant or withhold permisson.

She is, based on her own telling of accounts, controlling and abusive.

The thought that people can't see abusive behaviour in front of their own eyes breaks my heart.

Your (unjustified) insults don't bother me by the way.

That's so offensive. I go every week (alongside three other types of exercise) and my zumba class burns over 600kcal without a fail. There are four men attending out of 25 attendees and they are struggling even though they are all fit, and runners. But of course you're top of the pops, the next Mo Farah, aren't you. Nothing better than to put other women down for looking after themselves just because it suits your weird, narrow-minded vision of the world. You should go for your run and become a nicer person.

We're on an internet forum. I base my answers on the information given. I can't base it on anything else. On the basis of the information given by OP, she's very controlling. I suspect her reaction to being disagreed with might be similar/identical to yours, which is unacceptably agressive, and trying to shut down opinions other than your own by belittling and insulting.

I still think it is.

It may help you to know that the Dunning Kruger effect is, in simple terms, when people are too thick to know how thick they are and so are confident that their uninformed and ill educated opinion on a subject must be correct because of their own person bias. On that basis I agree with @Crispus

As someone who has lived a truly abusive controlling relationship.

It's really bothering you that I won't rise to this, isn't it!

Again, I base my opinion on the information given. On that information, OP is extremely controlling.

Trying to shut down other opinions by belittling and insulting is a form of controlling.

The way you talk to me isn't OK. Do you need signposting to sources of mental health support?

What an odd post.

But I hope it made you feel better.

You do realise that people can see your posting history, if they choose to.

Goodness there’s a lot of mean posters on here @Sheepondrugs sorry about that.

for people confused, the average marathon training programme for someone who already runs is 16 weeks so ample time before a spring marathon which are usually April or May. OP book a place now. It’s his problem if he doesn’t tell you he’s running it and he’s expected to look after his own children. I totally understand why you think the Strava nonsense is strange and deceitful. I’d feel the same!

Look OP the running is a red herring; something is wrong here.

If you think he's meeting someone else for runs or even if you think he just doesn't want you around this new life he's making solo for himself then you both need to get to therapy and sort it out one way or another.

But it may not be that sinister. Are you naturally more athletic? Perhaps he is secretly wanting to do a marathon but doesn't really believe yet he can and just wants go get on with the training then say it at a later date. I can relate to this being married to a man who is fat more athletic than me.

If it's the latter then sit down when you're both relaxed and being it up. Ask him what his next race is. Tell him you're thinking of doing this marathon. Suggest you stick a training calendar on the wall so you can both juggle childcare. Take it from there.

It's unkind, imo, for him not to accept your follow request on Strava
it's awkward and manipulative to book an event that will impact someone else without telling them.
its polite to ask your partner about making arrangements that will require childcare

Agree with this and it doesn’t sound like a healthy marriage.

Not him saying that, but there are posts on here implying that the op shouldn't be running marathons , or have her sights set on them , because it's his thing .

I was suggested zumba ( and a spa day!) as something for myself in response to my DH's motorcycling. It is a standard suggestion on here.

I don't see anyone putting other women down on here , but plenty are putting the op down . Her running doesn't take away from her DH , running nor does it take away from your zumba and 3 other types of exercise. Don't be so nasty.

If I wanted to run a marathon 💀 I would speak to my DH about it because

1. I'd be expecting him to pick up any childcare slack for training and the event itself
2. I'd want to share my interests with him -especially if we had a common hobby
3. I might want a lift to or from the event
4. i would definitely ask him if he wanted to enter the event (together or separately) and I'd expect him to be honest and not a frightful wanker about it

in the depressing situation of him being likely to try and manipulate the circumstances by booking something last minute that we couldn't both do I might just announce my own intention to enter the event, advise him of the childcare requirements, offer a cursory invitation to submit a reasonable objection and book the event that minute.

How do you even secretly train for a marathon? Surely the abscence from family time for longer runs would give it away? It's like you're enemies 🤔

If the DH had taken to go "jogging" 4 or 5 times a week for a couple of hours, possibly.

Actually training for a marathon, and struggling to enter races because of the OP? Unlikely.

But by being controlling, it's pushing him to go and find a friend elsewhere, that's for sure

I think you sound controlling. If it was the other way round and you were the man I reckon more people would be saying you are. Maybe have a think about why he felt the need to hide the 10k from you, and why you need to try and insert yourself into his hobby.

Never seen this suggested and it's plainly sexist and stereotypical to say this, as well as an obvious attempt at putting other women down by the OP who is arrogant about her running. If I'm nasty, you're almost hilarious.

He's having an affair with Paula Radcliffe, OP. Don't get caught short and get your ducks in order.