Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

Just sign up and announce that you are doing it before he does and make childcare his problem!

Book a weekend at on that day. Tell him now. ‘ oh that weekend is when cousin Julie wants a spa weekend, nothing in diary so I booked it, yay!’

Why can't he just do his thing (which appears to be running) without you tracking his every move, OP? We all need a hobby, and the whole point is that it's that special thing we keep to and for ourselves. Just leave him to it, and concentrate on the "special thing" that makes you happy.

Assuming that he is actually running and hasn't got another sort of marathon in his sights every Sunday morning, sign up, then tell him you're doing it. He either kicks off about it or doesn't.

I’m with @Cynic17

Because I like running too . Running makes me happy . The event is open to the public, you sign up and pay your fee. I'm entitled to participate as much as any other entrant.

I'd rather run than have a spa weekend tbh

That's what Ive been thinking. If he hasn't arranged childcare, he hasn't completed the task of arranging the activity. I often have plans on Sundays anyway as that's his responsibility for childcare.

Why don’t you just ask him?
”DH you know how upset I was when you entered an event secretly without telling me before- well I need a straight answer have you entered the marathon or not?

You are making this all so complicated OP. Just sign up if you want to, then tell him. If there is nothing in your ‘family calendar’ for this particular weekend, then presumably you are ok to book something. So book it!

His loss if he hasn’t told you up until this point 🤷‍♀️

This is no way to conduct a marriage.

If you can't talk to each other and work out a compromise, what is the point?

Once you start playing games like this, you might as well be out of it. Game playing and trying to catch each other out is no way to live.

Agree with PP. If you are mad about being relegated childcare, get in there first? Book the half marathon now, and commit.

Unless you don't intend to actually do it, and you are just wanting DH to not do it without a conversation first?

You can have the same hobby without having to do it together. Maybe he needs a break from the family for a bit. As long as you get equal time, and he is a loving and supportive partner and parent when he is present, then I don't think it's a bad thing.

This is exactly right.

What was the issue with him doing a 10k? Why does he feel like he has to hide this from you? All sounds a bit unhealthy, trying to spy on him using Strava.

Because she wants to plan and she knows he’s going to announce it and expect her to look after the dc.

OP get in first. This is a gift. Tell him what you are doing. He can hardly say no because he wants to do it can he. Because why would he be able to force you to change your plans just so he can do that same thing

What on earth kind of marriage is this? Weird secretive stand-offs over who is going to voice plans on a future weekend first? Secret marathon training?
I am a runner, DH isn't, but if he did sign up for one I wouldn't make him feel like he couldn't check if I was free to look after DS without us falling out.

What’s that saying “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” - agree with the poster who said you’re on a hiding to nothing by being in a relationship with the communication so poor.

Why do you need to follow him on Strava to know if he’s marathon training? Just ask him outright or work out if his time out the house for running is increasing as he increases his distance 🤷🏻‍♀️ If he lies to you it won’t tell you, the marathon is the least of your problems.

Why are you playing odd games with one another? What is stopping both of you running this together anyway? Sounds like a nice thing to do!

He’s just being weird. They seem to share parenting. He does Sundays and she has time to do something. The run is a Sunday. He’s going to spring it on her and demand she looks after the dc.
it’s her day off. She is also a runner and wants to do the marathon.

my only question is why she doesn’t book it and just tell him. It’s her day off anyway

Huh? So you’re going to do what you suspect he’s planning on doing and that’s okay? To book it without confirming he’ll be around for childcare?
Do what you want but this is a weird dynamic to me.

Especially when it means you can wind your old man up it seems. Seriously, grow up. I’m sure there’s other events you can sign up for without just doing this one purely out of spite just because he wanted to do it himself.

I'm assuming he's got form for planning things without any discussion and expecting the rest of the rest of the household to fit in. And this despite umpteen discussions about it.

If that's the case then go for it OP.

I can’t work out what the F is going on TBH. Do you want to run a marathon/ 10k or are you just trying to scupper your DH’s plans?

If he wants to run a marathon wit his friend why wouldn’t he just discuss it with you, you either say yes of course if nothing planned and it won’t ruin your life in the meantime (and you take a day some other time to do something you want to do), or you say “that’s going to be difficult” and then you work something out? You both sound like a pair of game playing kids.

I have a reasonably demanding hobby which occasionally takes up a Saturday. I just sat “oh I have X on Sat 4 June, is that ok”. My partner then either says “yes fine”
or “actually I was hoping to do y” then one of us gets a babysitter or family to help, or one of us compromises:

Yes, is there a reason you can’t just sign up for a different event?

Location and date . The time of year mean the conditions should be ideal weather wise .