Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

1. If you want to do a running event, enter whichever one you want.
2. Tell DH you’re doing it.
3. If for some perverse reason you’ve chosen to enter the same event you think he has, then have the argument about who gets to do it.
4. Alternatively, enter a different event, and discuss with him the fact that you both like running and should plan together the events you each want to do, so you can support each other instead of getting into a death match over who signed up for what first without telling the other.

You have the most bizarre relationship.

Competitive, secretive, not much of a partnership vibe or support at all from what you're saying.

My first thought is that a partner not wanting to be followed on Strava when you're both into fitness is having an affair, hiding his routes. Sorry maybe that's far fetched, but I honestly cannot comprehend your and his main concern is marathon prep and hiding it from each other, this is just bonkers.

He obviously wants to just do this event with his friend and not you. If you force your presence no one will enjoy the day surely? Run anywhere else??

Hey husband I'm thinking about signing up for x marathon if I do will you be OK to have the kids that day? If he says yes book it. If it transpires that he is doing it later on he can figure out who is going to look after them instead.

If you want to run this particular marathon do it. You/DH speak to grandparents to cover if that’s needed.

But for your own sanity don’t mimic his behaviour and hide it. Flipping revel in it - get your supporters lined up. Get a training plan. Join a club.

It shouldn’t be something you take on to punish him but only to boost you. It sounds like you could enjoy it.

Chill out. It’s not complicated. Just say you are planning to do a half marathon on x day and start training for it.

This is a bit of an odd dynamic. OP if he can be deceitful over something as small as running, don't you worry that he must lie about other things too?

I'd divorce.
I can not be bothered with someone being so secretive.
Running or shagging? Fuck knows.

He has form for being deceitful.

OK, well, here's the actual problem, not the game-playing marathon nonsense.

He's lied to you. You don't trust him. So your options are

• leave
• resign yourself to this bizarre and unenjoyable game-playing for the rest of your life (or until you leave)
• (or find a way to trust him again, though it seems he needs to take the lead on that one)

Yes, agree with all of this. It’s such a strange dynamic.

But this is a non problem. You declare up front ‘doing the marathon… you’re on childcare duty’ and then as he hasn’t told you he’s doing the same, he’ll have to agree or sort something out.

But if you wanted to do it then why didn't you? Why wait for him to want to do it then try and beat him to the punch? This all sounds very petty to me.

Wouldn't it make sense to make a list of marathons you guys would be interested in and split them so both get to run and support each other and even do some together and arranged childcare ?

What a strange relationship you have!!

Or it could be said if someone feels the need to lie about something small does the othet person give them reason too, we only know an op version of how another person is acting

I would hate to be in a relationship like this. Sounds unbearable.

Parents should check in with each other before booking any event which requires the other to be responsible for the children. It’s rude to just assume!

Tell him you would like to book a run on X date so he will need to have the kids, is X date ok? This may prompt him… if not and he comes at you with a last minute request down the line, just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me, I have an appointment”

But imagine you had something you really wanted to do, and you couldn’t do it because the child’s other parent wouldn’t have the kids to let you do it.

Regardless of sex, that’s not a partnership. That’s not teamwork. That’s a joke.

Like, obviously it’s the right thing to check that the other is free etc but it’s still harsh to actively stop another adult from doing something because it doesn’t suit you.

As he's really running, he's trying desperately to avoid you - because he really has nothing to hide.

Maybe think carefully about your behaviour, and try to see it from an outside perspective.

It sounds like whatever your doing/ saying is enough to make him go well away from you. Either you intrude on his races, or you are embarrassing him, or you are unpleasant.

It's not normal behaviour. I don't know many couples, maybe 1? , who run at the same pace and can do events together, I know none who hide from each other, that's nuts

just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me, I have an appointment”

Hes her husband, not her boss 😕

If you both run don’t you already have him on Strava? Are you sure he’s not hiding something else?

This is shameful but when I was much younger I had a thing with a married man and we used to go running together all the time.

No he isnt. But he seems to think that he is.

So if he is acting like her boss by randomly dropping random things on her with little or no notice and simply expecting her to facilitate them, she should respond in kind.

This is hilarious. You think your husband is secretly training for a marathon behind your back? Why are you in the sort of relationship where that would even be a thing? Wouldn’t he just tell you he’s thinking of doing a marathon and vice versa? Why the need for such competitive hobbying??

I could never live like this.

Yep

Am I missing something? Why is he training in secret? Why would he do that?