Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

Skirting over how very odd this is all over, does the marathon not have a start list you can check to see if his name is on it?

WHY would he hide his plans to run a marathon?

(Rightly or wrongly) what he is accusing you of?

Is he worried to be embarrassed if he pulled out at the last minute? Are you getting involved with his training?

It's such a bizarre thing to hide, why?

I think a lot ofpeople are missing the point that this is a man who has proven himself to be dishonest, so of course the OP doesnt trust him. That he is actively preventing her from following his training as a fellow runner is a big red flag.

He also sounds selfish and organises his life as he wants it whilst assuming that OP will just step up to the jobs he doesnt want to do and provide childcare for his hobbies.

I dont think you will solve this @Sheepondrugs by booking the same marathon. I mean you will solve this one issue as you will have officially booked it before him so your plans stand, given that (assuming he has actually registered) he didnt tell you so it "wasnt on the calendar" before you registered.

But this isnt going to stop his deeply ingrained selfishness, and I am not sure than anything ever will. People like this never change ime, so basically you have a choice of either accepting this is the rest of your life, or ....not.

I think a lot ofpeople are missing the point that this is a man who has proven himself to be dishonest, so of course the OP doesnt trust him. That he is actively preventing her from following his training as a fellow runner is a big red flag.

The red flag is that he has to prevent her from following him!

Obviously if he's pretending to be running to do something else, we get it, and that's not acceptable.

But it seems to be the case that he IS running. So why hiding the details.

The only reason I would hide my strava from my partner would be if he's bullying me or mocking me about my stats, or having an unreasonable strong opinion on my map - and I didn't want to hide my running map. Or if he was having a jealous fit because one of the men I follow and who follows me.

If he tells his partner he's going for a run, why would he have to hide the details? it's very weird.

Do this! 😄😄

Doing something so someone else couldn't do it sounds like something my sister and I would have done to each other when we were about 12 - this is really odd behaviour in a marriage. I think it's must have missed the background, but I can't think what could possibly make it make sense! The 10k issue just compounds it rather than provides and explanation.

Just have a conversation.

I’m really confused. Why does he lie to you about running races?

Is he a habitual or compulsive liar who lies about other things too?

I’m all ready to be on your side- but first I need to know why you need to know. Can’t he do it with his friend and without you?

There's got to be more to this.

Two people who don't even seem to like each other. The secrecy and deceit on the part of the H. And the mistrust on the part of OP.

As someone up thread said it's such a miserable way to live. Really depressing.

It sounds like you only want to do the marathon to catch out/piss off your husband, not for your own benefit. It just sounds like a shit relationship m

From his previous, I have no guarantee a conversation would get honest answers.

Sorry, are you the Twits?

😂😂😂😂😂😂

He was very careful to hide his all his 10k training. He was finishing early at work and showering at the gym . He has form for being deceitful.

I think it would be a normal thing for a couple to share experiences together. But in our case , I always seem to be excluded.

I’m struggling to understand his decision to be deceitful about something like this. Did he give you a reason?

There are aspects of his behaviour I have really come to dislike.

Someone constantly pushing you out of their life and lying to you, whilst expecting you to facilitate them, will do that.

Like I said above, choose this life or another because it really is that simple.

this. Usual question from me. What does he bring to your life?

Can't say I blame him really

Can't say I blame him really

Are you guys playing ‘it’ with your own kids?!!!

Why?

All the OP has done is be pissed off that last year (I remember the thread) he announced that he had "just" decided to do this run that iirc was that weekend. He assumed OP would cover the childcare without asking, and it turned out had lied in that he had booked it ages before. She has never tracked him or mistrusted him until his lies started to be uncovered. So now of course she doesnt trust him, he has form!

Would you trust someone who, you know for a fact, has lied to you over and over.

And if the OP is so bad then why stay with her?

My God this is bizarre. Secret running. Staying with someone who you know tells bare faced lies. What on earth are you doing together?

Why is he lying though? Why is he feeling the need to lie about his running (assuming he isn’t cheating)?

Cover childcare without asking - are they not OP’s kids too? It seems very spiteful to deliberately make yourself unavailable for childcare so that your husband can’t do something he wants to do. Is it that much of a chore, spending a few extra hours with your kids?