Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

[Sheepondrugs]

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

It would be very hard to hide marathon training from your wife/rest of household regardless of being able to track on Strava.
If he wants to do a decent time he's going to be doing a lot of training, some of them pretty long. Will he just lie about where he is for 2 or 3 hours?

Clearly the issue isn't about who's running what race and doing what training, but trust, openness and equal free time to pursue your own interests.

He clearly doesn't respect you. And if you do similar to get back at him then it really smacks of a very unhealthy relationship.

Running a marathon is not the issue here.

Your marriage is fucked if you can't communicate and work things like these out, without playing stupid games.

Childcare

Op this all seems really unhealthy.
Do you like being with this man?

IKR.
Runners LOVE to wang on about the fact they're run a race!

I am one, I am allowed to say this, but really try and keep it to within my running friends.

Sign up to a different marathon - and make sure you get a faster time than him!!!!!

Yes queen!

This - if it is so perfect why haven't you signed up for it already and waited until you think your husband is secretly doing it to try and get him there first? seems like his friend has signed up for it You suspect he's signed up for it and now suddenly it's the most perfect event for you too.
You both seem to have an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. If he springs it on you last minute and it's not the day that you normally look after the kids then you say no and he'd have to arrange somebody else to do it. Has he not told you because he knows you're going t moan about it from now until the event?

Yes but why was he so secretive?
Because as someone has already pointed out this is very unusual behaviour for runners who generally wang on about training plans.

So something else is going on between you two.

@Sheepondrugs does he lie about other stuff? Or just about running?

Do you know why he lies?

I remember your posting before, OP and I'm wondering why you're still with him.

Does he think that if he tells you, you're going to insist on training together? Or get weirdly competitive?

It seems like he wants to have a hobby of his own that doesn't involve you or the family. That doesn't sound unreasonable to me. Ask yourself honestly why he doesn't feel comfortable telling you about the race.

Well why is he lying? WHo knows.

And dont make ridiculous comments about not wanting to spend time with her kids. You know full well that that isnt the issue. Its about him assuming that a) he can simply drop an event on her and walk away b) that she hasnt made any prior plans herself and c) if she has that she must cancel because he has decided he is doing this thing. No discussion, no courteous "do you mind if I do X on Yday?" nothing.

He is a selfish liar. Why? Who knows? Who cares? The fact is that the OP is being treated like staff, with none of the pay.

If you can't have a basic conversation where you say you want to do the marathon in June, and he says he wants to do the half in October without him lying, why are you with him?

Its one thing for him to say he wanted to keep his run quiet because he was nervous about it like on your previous thread, another to say you cant trust a simple conversation about as yet unmade future plans because of dishonesty.

Why do you have to follow him on Strava? You can say you’ll have the kids that day and all cheer him on at the finish. Then you enter for a similar event another weekend and he does the same for you.

A runner that doesn’t talk about races booked/training plans and bang on about gels and electrolytes? What sort of half arsed runner is this man?

You have a hobby you both enjoy (often rare in a marriage) but instead of sharing it amicably (how cool to have a similar hobby) you decide to do this weird crap of mind games and “who can play the other one for childcare”. Weird.

This is seemingly an incredible toxic relationship. What utterly childish nonsense. Who in their right mind behaves like this? You're both as bad as each other.

HE has decided not to share it , last time. I used to talk about it all enthusiastic and I must have sounded like a right mug . So I just shut up about it .

I don't have to follow him . No one actually has to follow anyone. I assume strava works just as well without following. But, it's nice to have a supportive community to share achievements and progress.

I also don't see why the dc can't spend that weekend with their grandparents and we both go .

Why do you want to stay with this man OP? You don't trust him and it's obviously very dysfunctional if he's lying to you about running and you're planning to sabotage him. This can't be making either of you happy.

This whole thing sounds weird - why don't you just suggest the kids go go to the grandparents?

Honestly though I'd call it a day then you can each have every other weekend to focus on your training and bang out a sub 3 marathon no bother, sounds like you hate each other anyway.

A few points

The friend does sporty things often . Seems like it was his idea , not dh's . If anything, he is riding on his friends moment.
It was mentioned in passing a while ago . Since then , as my running has progressed, I realised that actually I perhaps could run a marathon or a half myself.

I want a challenge and I want to achieve things on my own . I'd be disappointed to not attempt it .

This event is ideal. It is the closest both chronological and in terms of location.

Dh has form for deciet by ommission. That's why not allowing me to see his strava makes me suspicious that there is something.

I actually really enjoy running. I feel like I now have a healthier lifestyle because of it .

And another thing , nobody suppresses something they are passionate about just because their other half is into the same thing.

I don’t tell ANYONE when I entered a big event wanted to be sure I could do it and see how training went before i announced it

problem is unless you enter well in advance by the time you’d work out you could do it there’d be no places