Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

Well the people who are banging on about how its fine because its factual are greatly in the minority according to the vote so most people in this thread are agreeing it was rude and insensitive.

Even if he did say it without intention to hurt, what kind of feckless moron repeats the obvious all day long and calls it conversation? what scintillating conversation that would be eh?- "your hair is brown", "your jeans are blue", "your eyes are green", "your address is XYZ", "you have a red car".

Blimey, it would be like going on a date with someone who had been lobotomised.

'You are almost completely bald; the lights shine off your head. My last boyfriend had thick, lustrous hair with no balding at all'

It's really easy to tell if this is a 'factual' statement or a hurtful one.

@leftsock, I used to know someone like that. It was like a running commentary on everything about me. If he'd said you look nice or similar, fine, but it was 'Oh you've styled your hair differently for me', 'Have those trousers shrunk or are they meant to be that length', 'Oh, you're wearing heels', and on and on.

Quite apart from anything else, he just sounds boring!

😂 he sounds about as interesting as watching paint dry

What a fucking arsehole. Insulting you and negging you. Why the fuck would anyone even mention this?! He sounds like he needs throwing back into the sea @MorrisHer I'm sorry you had to put up with this shit. I wouldn't be talking to him about it, I'd be dumping him. (Old gimmer here, who has put up with a lot of shit from men - (including my own DH now and again- over the years) - and I can't bear to see women negged and unsulted like this.)

.

I think I'll start doing a shot every time someone on MN mentions autism in any thread that has nothing to do with it. I expect to be dead of liver failure by Tuesday

Yes to this, I get absolutely sick to the back teeth of seeing this come up EVERY TIME someone displays poor etiquette, or any kind of unsavoury behaviour, or is plain bloody rude and insulting!

As my old Gran used to say: “if you’ve got nothing nice to say then say nothing”

Can’t believe posters are defending this rude clown.

Yes, me too. Firstly, it's so obnoxious to assume that any time someone is behaving like an arsehole it simply must be because they are ND. My sister is ND and doesnt behave like an arsehole so that poster can jog on.

Secondly, why is it so impossible to believe that some men (yes, note I said "some" and not "all") are misogynistic pricks who enjoy negging women.

I mean, really?- in a world where statistics show that on average 1 woman is killed every 3 days by a man, is it really so utterly impossible that this man might just be an actual cunt who enjoys tearing women down.

NO, he couldnt possibly be so, because men are known throughout the entire world for being so kind and empathetic to women in general, both now, and in history too 🙄

@ThatCyanCat As you continue to carry on carrying on, it is very apparent that you are reacting badly to the suggestion that the bf in the OP might, perhaps, could be, potentially, possibly, maybe, just a suggestion, autistic; and that perhaps, maybe, it is just a suggestion, potentially, he did not intend to be rude. I can’t help you with the enormous amount of other ranty stuff you have created from that.

My final response to you is to tell you on this issue, and I’m sure you already know, but it is worth saying - this is merely an anonymous message board. It really is not worth getting knickers in a knot over. In life generally, to demand people dance to your tune, will not get you anywhere. There really are far more important things to be concerned about - or if there isn’t in your life, then you are more fortunate than most.

Btw, and just as a point of information my hair is not shit as you assert, which is merely your very rude opinion based on nothing but hot air and bluster. 🤣 However the fact is, it is fine. Ooooh, or is it - you will never know!? 🥸🍿

Yeah, there is always an excuse isnt there? If its a man under 50 being a git its always autism and if he's over 50 its "he might have dementia".

It's never, ever his fault. Funny how this same courtesy doesnt extend to women though. OP is merely "over sensitive"- a personality flaw, no diagnoses to justify her hurt feelings

Two suggestions
Plantur shampoo, brilliant on my menopausal thinning hair.
LTB

I hope not, think of the folk that will be forced to mourn you every Christmas. 🤶 Poor @KaleidoscopeSmile , it is those autistic folk who are to blame for her drinking herself to death, you know. Mind you, she did love a shot, so she died happy.

I am beginning to think that autism is a dirty word to some? 🤷‍♀️

My Dad, who is definitely 'on the spectrum' (according to everyone who knows him and himself) and can be unbelievably tactless at times (with zero malice) would definitely know not to make this comment about OP's appearance. He's always been like this and doesn't have dementia.

IME men are pretty sensitive about hair loss - theirs or others.

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango1

Sorry didn't mean to quote you.

I am beginning to think that autism is a dirty word to some? 🤷‍♀️

It clearly is to you. My sis is autistic and its very offensive to label every unkind behaviour as being due to autism.

Very stigmatising and nasty.

It's 4 months... honestly I'd just dump him

What are you doing @MorrisHer ?

Are you just going to hang around, batting away unease until he ruins your esteem?

Oh God yes! And tell him how much more fulfilling it is for a woman to have a man who really fills her up and what a comedown it is to have to make do with a puny dick. Then, in a kind and pitying tone, you could add, "Still, I know it's not your fault that you aren't very well endowed and so I'm trying to make the best of it! And then bin him!

Don't be daft. How else could he have meant it?

It may seem funny, but that's the sort of thing you have to resort to when dealing with an opponent, someone's who's not on your side, not your partner.

I'm more concerned about the comparison comments he's making to other women's hair rather than comments on yours alone.

@leftsock It clearly is to you

Really? I fail to see how you have formed the opinion it is a dirty word to me. But if that is what you want to think … it is not, btw. You are incorrect.

My sis is autistic Okay. Thank you for telling us. Presumably then, you have some understanding that it is a ‘spectrum’ of diverse presentations.

its very offensive to label every unkind behaviour as being due to autism. I totally agree. Every unkind behaviour is unnecessary and potentially cruel. However, it is not incorrect to say that one trait of some neurodiverse people can be to speak without a filter, but intending no malice.

Very stigmatising and nasty. I agree that it is not pleasant to stigmatise people.

Oh, just bin him OP.
If you don't you'll be putting up with this sort of shit all the time.

He should know that you don't make comments like that so he's doing it deliberately to be hurtful.

Only on threads where autism has nothing to so with the subject in hand. Like I said.

Unless you're also claiming that a bloke insulting his girlfriend's hairline is likely to be autistic.